Tommy_Dolitte
Recycles dryer sheets
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Advice? I'll be taking the bend this holiday season.
Women, your advice is REALLY welcomed!
Women, your advice is REALLY welcomed!
Engagement Rings
- Thread starter Tommy_Dolitte
- Start date
C
Cut-Throat
Guest
Advice? I'll be taking the bend this holiday season.
Women, your advice is REALLY welcomed!
My advice is - There is only one women's opinion that you need. And that is the women you're getting engaged to.
cute fuzzy bunny
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
We went with the Asscher cut. Simple, elegant and a little different from the usual.
Used BlueNile.com. Very, very pleased with them. Wide selection of diamonds, you can view the certificates online, nice collection of mountings. Wendy liked sitting in her living room and choosing from thousands of stones. You can add a handful of stones to your basket and a bluenile rep will call you to discuss the ups and downs of each one and how they can address any downsides with mounting options.
Some people will urge you to one company or another, or to the "wholesale district" to get the best deal. Frankly almost every stone today is part of a big wholesale pool and every company...even the "wholesale district" culls from the same pool. I saw the same stones (verified by their posted certificates) on many wholesaler and retailers sites, all at different price points. Blueniles were right in there on price.
Quality of cut in my opinion is the most crucial element. That will affect the brilliance and light reflectiveness. A big high quality stone with a bad cut looks like crud.
We mounted the stone (~2.17 carat) in a gold setting, so frankly color didnt bother me much since the stone was going to pick up all sorts of yellow from the mounting. I think it was an "H" color. Mounted in platinum or white gold...you might consider something north of the G color. "Blueness" in a stone refers to a slight blue tone. Years ago blueness was highly sought after and people paid extra for it. Now its considered a flaw. Its almost impossible to detect up to moderate blueness without a black light, and some blueness will cancel out some of the yellow color in a medium colored stone since blue is opposite yellow on the color wheel. So if you're not a modern day purist, a JKLM stone with small to moderate blueness will look to the naked eye like a FGHI stone. And in 20 years blue may be the in thing again. High blueness makes the stone look oily and murky though.
Clarity wise its a VS2 stone...better than pedestrian but far from perfect. There is one single surface inclusion that a bluenile customer service rep called to tell me could be easily covered by one of the prongs on the setting. I paid for an appraisal at a local jewelry store and they didnt even note the inclusion, appraising it for a little less than 2x what I paid. My insurance company appraised it for a few grand more than that.
Now dont get me started on how debeers used some exceptional marketing skills to completely create the whole diamond engagement ring business (100 years ago a ring was not common and when one was offered it was usually a family heirloom and almost never a diamond), how they control diamond prices, how the stones are far from rare, impossible to sell used for anything better than 10c on the dollar, or the labor conditions that they're mined with.
Kinda funny story...when my uncle got married to my moms sister back in the sixties, she wanted a huge diamond ring. He offered her a choice...furniture for their new home or the ring. She took the ring. They sat on lawn chairs and used cardboard boxes for tables for the next 2 years before he finally relented and bought the furniture.
I'm guessing he didnt see her naked very often for that two years.
Used BlueNile.com. Very, very pleased with them. Wide selection of diamonds, you can view the certificates online, nice collection of mountings. Wendy liked sitting in her living room and choosing from thousands of stones. You can add a handful of stones to your basket and a bluenile rep will call you to discuss the ups and downs of each one and how they can address any downsides with mounting options.
Some people will urge you to one company or another, or to the "wholesale district" to get the best deal. Frankly almost every stone today is part of a big wholesale pool and every company...even the "wholesale district" culls from the same pool. I saw the same stones (verified by their posted certificates) on many wholesaler and retailers sites, all at different price points. Blueniles were right in there on price.
Quality of cut in my opinion is the most crucial element. That will affect the brilliance and light reflectiveness. A big high quality stone with a bad cut looks like crud.
We mounted the stone (~2.17 carat) in a gold setting, so frankly color didnt bother me much since the stone was going to pick up all sorts of yellow from the mounting. I think it was an "H" color. Mounted in platinum or white gold...you might consider something north of the G color. "Blueness" in a stone refers to a slight blue tone. Years ago blueness was highly sought after and people paid extra for it. Now its considered a flaw. Its almost impossible to detect up to moderate blueness without a black light, and some blueness will cancel out some of the yellow color in a medium colored stone since blue is opposite yellow on the color wheel. So if you're not a modern day purist, a JKLM stone with small to moderate blueness will look to the naked eye like a FGHI stone. And in 20 years blue may be the in thing again. High blueness makes the stone look oily and murky though.
Clarity wise its a VS2 stone...better than pedestrian but far from perfect. There is one single surface inclusion that a bluenile customer service rep called to tell me could be easily covered by one of the prongs on the setting. I paid for an appraisal at a local jewelry store and they didnt even note the inclusion, appraising it for a little less than 2x what I paid. My insurance company appraised it for a few grand more than that.
Now dont get me started on how debeers used some exceptional marketing skills to completely create the whole diamond engagement ring business (100 years ago a ring was not common and when one was offered it was usually a family heirloom and almost never a diamond), how they control diamond prices, how the stones are far from rare, impossible to sell used for anything better than 10c on the dollar, or the labor conditions that they're mined with.
Kinda funny story...when my uncle got married to my moms sister back in the sixties, she wanted a huge diamond ring. He offered her a choice...furniture for their new home or the ring. She took the ring. They sat on lawn chairs and used cardboard boxes for tables for the next 2 years before he finally relented and bought the furniture.
I'm guessing he didnt see her naked very often for that two years.
Hyperborea
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Some good advice on diamonds but I will suggest that not all women want diamonds. My wife wanted a ruby and that's what her engagement ring has. I've known some to have saphires too. Both of these are slighly less hard than diamonds but still fine for daily wear. I've heard of somebody with an emerald engagement ring but that requires constant caution (it's a lot softer) and is not safe for daily wear.
I will also suggest that you avoid the "surprise her with the ring already bought" option. It may be really romantic for about 15 minutes or so but she will thereafter always regret not having chosen the ring herself. That time out shopping for the ring can be a very romantic time too.
CT is right, coming from a woman....
Surprise or let her pick it out seem to be the two biggest choices...
You can always suprise with the "the question" and a temporary ring (talk to your jeweler first)
OR
Just let her pick it out.
It depends on the woman. If she is very conscious about jewelry probably better to let her pick it out. She may have strong style opinions or diamond size opinions.
Me, I liked that my husband picked it out on his own and it is to my taste (not too large, I don't wear a lot of jewelry). But that is me...most women are different which is why it is hard to advise.
If she has a very close friend that is trustworthy, talk to the friend closer to the time.
Surprise or let her pick it out seem to be the two biggest choices...
You can always suprise with the "the question" and a temporary ring (talk to your jeweler first)
OR
Just let her pick it out.
It depends on the woman. If she is very conscious about jewelry probably better to let her pick it out. She may have strong style opinions or diamond size opinions.
Me, I liked that my husband picked it out on his own and it is to my taste (not too large, I don't wear a lot of jewelry). But that is me...most women are different which is why it is hard to advise.
If she has a very close friend that is trustworthy, talk to the friend closer to the time.
Tommy_Dolitte
Recycles dryer sheets
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Thanks for the responses. I would have never thought to talk to her best friend. *hits self on head*
I will keep you posted...
TD
I will keep you posted...
TD
windedhare
Recycles dryer sheets
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2004
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- 52
Good luck to you and always lovely to hear when people find their right one.
To your question, I liked that my DH picked out the ring and surprised me. Of course it was a big purchase and he did ask for my preferences and knew what my dislikes were. He hinted at one point that I could pick out, but anytime we were in a store, but I made it clear that I just felt too weird and couldn't actually feel comfortable shopping for it like that. (What if I pick something that he doesn't want to pay for, or he doesn't like himself. )
I may be different, and kinda weird, but I always saw the ring as a gift. You can't really shop for your own gift or pick out your own ring, then the gift sorta seemed to lose its charm. I didn't mind hinting, and I didn't mind the not knowing for sure what I'd end up with. Probably can say that because I loved what he got.
It actually wasnt exactly like what I had envisioned but I loved it because it really was a beautiful ring, because he picked it out all on his own, and because I knew it was all on his own accord without undue pressure on my part.
Best of Luck!
To your question, I liked that my DH picked out the ring and surprised me. Of course it was a big purchase and he did ask for my preferences and knew what my dislikes were. He hinted at one point that I could pick out, but anytime we were in a store, but I made it clear that I just felt too weird and couldn't actually feel comfortable shopping for it like that. (What if I pick something that he doesn't want to pay for, or he doesn't like himself. )
I may be different, and kinda weird, but I always saw the ring as a gift. You can't really shop for your own gift or pick out your own ring, then the gift sorta seemed to lose its charm. I didn't mind hinting, and I didn't mind the not knowing for sure what I'd end up with. Probably can say that because I loved what he got.
It actually wasnt exactly like what I had envisioned but I loved it because it really was a beautiful ring, because he picked it out all on his own, and because I knew it was all on his own accord without undue pressure on my part.
Best of Luck!
Don't know if the lady has any expectations about how much you're going to spend on the ring, but even though this one is sort of on the cheap side, it still might pass:
http://www.costco.com/Browse/Produc...-Cat108&pos=2&whse=BC&topnav=&prodid=11038113
http://www.costco.com/Browse/Produc...-Cat108&pos=2&whse=BC&topnav=&prodid=11038113
Windedhare:
I agree totally with you. I did not want to pick out my ring. My husband asked me a few questions like platinum or yellow gold and general size. Because I have simple tastes it was probably easier for him though. Most of my friends wanted big rings and to pick them out themselves. That is why it is important that it is an individual decision.
I agree totally with you. I did not want to pick out my ring. My husband asked me a few questions like platinum or yellow gold and general size. Because I have simple tastes it was probably easier for him though. Most of my friends wanted big rings and to pick them out themselves. That is why it is important that it is an individual decision.
brewer12345
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2003
- Messages
- 18,085
My dad sells jewelry for a living (strictly to private clients via word of mouth) and he sells an awful lot of engagement rings. What you will want to buy depends on individual tastes, but I have a few observations:
- Gross margins on jewelry for most retailers are in the ballpark of 75%. No matter where you buy it, you will be getting nailed. Get used to the idea.
- Color better than G or H is probably not worth the extra money. If you are a connoiseur, you might care. A member of the general public won't be able to tell the difference.
- VS1 or VS2 should be OK. I personally prefer VS1, but it often comes at an unreasonable premium.
- Most people do not get their jewelry cleaned on a regular basis. As a result, the crap that accumulates over time usually obscures the difference between a decent stone and a really great (and expensive one). As such, I think it is hard to justify spending lots of dough for a truly superior stone.
- Finally, chances are, your intended is going to be more excited about the prospect of marriage than the actual details of the ring. Use it to your advantage.
- Gross margins on jewelry for most retailers are in the ballpark of 75%. No matter where you buy it, you will be getting nailed. Get used to the idea.
- Color better than G or H is probably not worth the extra money. If you are a connoiseur, you might care. A member of the general public won't be able to tell the difference.
- VS1 or VS2 should be OK. I personally prefer VS1, but it often comes at an unreasonable premium.
- Most people do not get their jewelry cleaned on a regular basis. As a result, the crap that accumulates over time usually obscures the difference between a decent stone and a really great (and expensive one). As such, I think it is hard to justify spending lots of dough for a truly superior stone.
- Finally, chances are, your intended is going to be more excited about the prospect of marriage than the actual details of the ring. Use it to your advantage.
B
Bill Clinton
Guest
All I can say is.... DON'T DO IT! Look what I wound up with.Advice? I'll be taking the bend this holiday season.
Women, your advice is REALLY welcomed!
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
Be aware that married men live longer than single men....but are more willing to die.
REW
Be aware that married men live longer than single men....but are more willing to die.
REW
On average they are also healthier, heavier, and have better sex. Go figure.
http://cms.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20040301-000002.html
haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I have read this. However, I wonder if it holds true once you adjust for race, socio-economic status and sexual orientation? I don't know that marital status is not an independent predictor of longevity. But I have my doubts
Mikey
My first suggestion? Find out if she even wants a ring to begin with. Does she wear jewelry often? Rings, in particular? If she would genuinely enjoy a ring, great, but don't just assume that female=adores jewelry.
OK, I'll be the first to admit that I am an outlyer on the "fashion, clothes, and jewelry" curve, but I don't have and didn't want an engagement ring. If I'd gotten one, I'd have disliked wearing it, as I don't wear rings at all any more (just don't like how they feel). (Actually, the only jewelry I wear is earrings, every once in a blue moon.) And I'd have just felt anxious about having something fancy and expensive that would be easy to lose.
My husband and I don't even have wedding rings. Neither of us likes to wear rings, so we figured, why spend money on something that we won't actually use or enjoy?
12 years together, 6 years married, and happy as clams, incidentally.
OK, I'll be the first to admit that I am an outlyer on the "fashion, clothes, and jewelry" curve, but I don't have and didn't want an engagement ring. If I'd gotten one, I'd have disliked wearing it, as I don't wear rings at all any more (just don't like how they feel). (Actually, the only jewelry I wear is earrings, every once in a blue moon.) And I'd have just felt anxious about having something fancy and expensive that would be easy to lose.
My husband and I don't even have wedding rings. Neither of us likes to wear rings, so we figured, why spend money on something that we won't actually use or enjoy?
12 years together, 6 years married, and happy as clams, incidentally.
Marriage & other institutions
Spouse, partner, roomate, co-worker-- it really doesn't matter how it's done as long as the nagging happens.
Of course if you're worth more dead than alive, your spouse/partner may have an ethical conundrum.
Marriage just happens to be the most common mechanism by which males are nagged to get regular medical checkups and to maintain other "healthy lifestyle" issues.I don't know that marital status is not an independent predictor of longevity. But I have my doubts
Spouse, partner, roomate, co-worker-- it really doesn't matter how it's done as long as the nagging happens.
Of course if you're worth more dead than alive, your spouse/partner may have an ethical conundrum.
J
John Galt
Guest
I thought it was romantic that I looked all over and picked out her ring by myself (actually I got some help
from my daughter). Not sure it was my DW's first choice, but I would do it the same way next time, and
there will never be a next time
Re. health care and life spans, we cancelled a winter vacation as DW suggested I might spend the money
on some needed medical tests rather than the trip.
I suspect she wasn't too enthused anyway
But, we are getting along fine, so I don't have to watch for
ground glass in the sugar
JG
from my daughter). Not sure it was my DW's first choice, but I would do it the same way next time, and
there will never be a next time
Re. health care and life spans, we cancelled a winter vacation as DW suggested I might spend the money
on some needed medical tests rather than the trip.
I suspect she wasn't too enthused anyway
But, we are getting along fine, so I don't have to watch for
ground glass in the sugar
JG
bow-tie
Full time employment: Posting here.
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2004
- Messages
- 688
It slays me when I hear the recommended "x months salary for her ring". I can't even remember what x is supposed to equal.
How 'bout I recommend they market to some other schmoe who will eat that hook, line, and sinker...
The price tag on the ring has no correlation to what my gal means to me. What it symbolizes is what will carry the day over the long haul.
Good luck T_D - - make sure each of you know what lies behind the rings, and the rest will take care of itself...
How 'bout I recommend they market to some other schmoe who will eat that hook, line, and sinker...
The price tag on the ring has no correlation to what my gal means to me. What it symbolizes is what will carry the day over the long haul.
Good luck T_D - - make sure each of you know what lies behind the rings, and the rest will take care of itself...
My husband found out what I preferred (princess cut, white gold) and then picked it out himself. He gave me the option of taking it back, but I didn't dare. It was stunning and 2x as big as I would have been happy with. (Not that I need a diamond to be happy).
I have heard that W@lmart and S@m's have very good quality stones at good prices, but the settings aren't top notch. Just a thought.
I have heard that W@lmart and S@m's have very good quality stones at good prices, but the settings aren't top notch. Just a thought.
Patrick
Full time employment: Posting here.
Some of you may think this is crazy, but I bought my wife's ring on Ebay. I found out what her size was by ordering one of those ring-sizing sets off the net (about $1, I think) and measuring one of the rings she already has. I got a great price on the ring. I waited until I had the ring, then "popped the question" while sliding the ring halfway onto her finger. She was stunned and very pleased, to say the least. She said I was the only one who "did it right." I later had the ring appraised at a local jewelry store and the value is 4.7X what I paid.
Patrick
Full time employment: Posting here.
The X is supposed to be 6 months salary.
I love the current marketing plans: The Past, Present, and Future Ring (3 solitaires on one ring); and the I Forever Do Ring (for when you marry the same woman again). You gotta admit, the diamond marketers are brilliant.
Hyperborea
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
The X is supposed to be 6 months salary.
They must have been upping those numbers again cause I can remember when the reccomendation shifted from 2 to 3.
cute fuzzy bunny
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Amazingly good marketeers. I love the current campaign for successful single women to show their success off by buying their own diamond for their right hand. :
You have to see some of the smuggled videos of debeers warehouses where they literally have bulldozers pushing mounds of uncut diamonds from one area to another...
You have to see some of the smuggled videos of debeers warehouses where they literally have bulldozers pushing mounds of uncut diamonds from one area to another...
My DW (of 30 years) would have divorced me before we ever got married if I had spent what little money we had on a diamond ring. I had resisted posting that fact because it seems like a lot of people do believe the female = adores jewelry equation. They assume that I'm just not observant, sentimental or romantic. I don't know . . . maybe I'm not. But I have a great wife and a great marriage. And we both think we're richer without the diamond.
