How did Kids affect your retirement plans?

[MuirWannabe]

I am 30, and still on the fence about having kids. I am leaning toward yes, but it would be a few years.

I know a lot of people on here are child free by choice and it obviously increases your chanced of early retirement, but I also see many of you with children still in high school or college and you still managed to get out of the rat race.

Here are my random questions....

1. How did having kids change your retirement plans?
2. How much do kids really cost? I already bought a house, so that is fixed....seems like it wouldn't be as bad as some of these calculators suggest.
3. Is it really as rewarding as they say!? (Be honest!)
4. What if you only have one kid? My experience (friends) is that an only child is a little weird!
5. Does having a kid make work worth it? Make it suck a little less?? (wishful thinking!! )

Thanks for your advice.

1. I could have retired sooner without kids.
2. They cost a bunch.
3. Yes. And yes. Finally, yes.
4. Don't know. I have 3 kids. But I doubt your concern is valid.
5. Work still sucks. But family provides motivation and incentive to deal with it. But it does not make work inherently better.

I agree with other posters. Don't base your decision for children upon your retirement date. If the latter is your primary concern then you should not have children. Once you have children they must be your primary concern with all else secondary and therefore subject to slippage.

 

[drb111]

1. I could have retired sooner without kids.
2. They cost a bunch.
3. Yes. And yes. Finally, yes.

I agree with other posters. Don't base your decision for children upon your retirement date. If the latter is your primary concern then you should not have children. Once you have children they must be your primary concern with all else secondary and therefore subject to slippage.

pretty well said. If you want a speckled puppy then get a speckled puppy. But definitely don't comingle retirement date as a basis to have children or not. Truthfully, I'm suprised at how cold some of the responses seem about being a parent. I have a 7 and 9 yr old and couldn't imagine life without them. Best thing that ever happend to my wife and me...a 40+ year retirement without them and/ or grandchildren potentially seems selfish and lonely in a way. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, after all this forum is about early retirement, and by nature that topic is fairly selfish.

Answer to #3 is resounding yes! yes! yes!....

 

[ziggy29]

Once you have children they must be your primary concern with all else secondary and therefore subject to slippage.

Which is a major reason we ultimately decided not to have any. My wife and I ultimately decided after a few years that we always wanted to be each other's undisputed #1 in our lives.

 

[NW-Bound]

I love my chidren, but would not call child-free people selfish. Please!

However, one thing is for sure. If you are financially secure, but still messing with a spreadsheet to see how it is going to impact your ER, then perhaps you should not have children.

The other extreme case is that if you have to see if your budget can allow for food and diapers, then also don't have children.

As I said before, children are people. They will develop their own mind, despite your nurturing and best effort to raise them. The risk of them not growing up to become responsible citizen was the ONLY thing in my mind when I thought of the downside of having children. There is just no guarantee. They may break your heart, despite your caring love. Don't worry about the money part!

PS. A lot of people, like ronocnikral after my post, are thinking about college costs. I would say to not worry too much about that. Plenty of people, if they really want to attend school, will find a way.

Just be sure to give your children the most loving care you can (and I don't mean to spoil them

 

[ronocnikral]

i'm loving this place. excellent insight here. unlike lilly, there is no question if we will have kids, it's when. like lilly, however, i am concerned about the costs. not so much the day to day costs, as i'm confident we can manage those. college is my biggest concern, as i am uncertain how much it will cost 20 years from now. we've decided that we would give each kid enough money for 4 years of schooling @ an in-state institution and a uhaul to move all their crap out. if they choose to go to college, so be it. if they throw one huge party, so be it. that's all they get. we'll see how much we actually save for them...and if we stick to our guns about kicking them out when they're 18.

 

[drb111]

I love my chidren, but would not call child-free people selfish. Please!

careful and reread please. I called my 40+year retirement potentially selfish and lonely

 

[NW-Bound]

... my...

Understood. I remember that there was a recent thread about the subject of children, and it got closed by moderators when it got too contentious.

Having and not having children are two alternate universes. We cannot compare them. I only experience one of the outcomes. If we did not have children, would our lives be empty? I don't know! I like the way it is now, and that is it.

 

[Rustic23]

This should not be an early retirement question. You can FIRE with kids, or without. You can't put a price on your children. We had two, and semi retired at 43, total at 60. Could it have been earlier, probably, but then again, I would not have the joy of visiting kids and grandkids.

This is a question only you can answer. If you want kids, and you can afford them, have them. You will never notice the effect on FIRE and you should never regret it. If you think you are going to hold your kids hostage to your FIRE aims, then you might just think again.

 

[WhoDaresWins]

No impact on retirement plans(one child, now 27). Only regret is that we didn't have a second.

 

[drb111]

Having and not having children are two alternate universes. We cannot compare them. I only experience one of the outcomes. If we did not have children, would our lives be empty? I don't know! I like the way it is now, and that is it.

agreed

 

[kumquat]

I used to w*rk with a guy who liked to tell us "when we got married, my wife and I wanted a nice round number of kids, by the time we realized what the round number was we already had one".

Everybody's Mileage Varies on this Subject.

 

[NW-Bound]

Kids are like yachts--if you have to ask how much, don't do it.

Um... I beg to differ, because owning two yachts would have sent me into debtor's prison, leave alone thinking about ER.

They are more like, er, RVs.

Again, I never added up the cost, but they are not like a used class C I just got though. Definitely new class As. If you are rich, they would be like ten-wheeler Prevosts. Else, run-of-the-mill diesel pushers.

No matter how much you are going to spend, what cannot be priced are the TLC, the time for maintenance, and hopefully, not too many sleepless nights worrying about them.

 

[FUEGO]

No matter how much you are going to spend, what cannot be priced are the TLC, the time for maintenance, and hopefully, not too many sleepless nights worrying about them.

Wait, I lost you. Are you talking about kids, yachts, or RV's?

 

[NW-Bound]

Good question.

Just kids and RV for me, as I have no yachts, but I guess the latter would be pretty bad for their owners. However, "stuff" does not cause me sleepless nights.

 

[Sea Kayaker]

It took many years for me to find a woman I would even consider having kids with... unfortunately, we are both 38 now, and we feel it is too late to start a family. The upside, obviously, is that FIRE is very possible for us... if things work out, FIRE at 45 is acheivable... I know years down the road we will likely regret not having children...

 

[ziggy29]

The upside, obviously, is that FIRE is very possible for us... if things work out, FIRE at 45 is acheivable... I know years down the road we will likely regret not having children...

Even to this day, we haven't completely ruled out adoption. But as we get older (I'm 44, she's almost 42) the chances become a little slimmer.

 

[audreyh1]

I am 30, and still on the fence about having kids. I am leaning toward yes, but it would be a few years.

Lilly (assuming you would be the mother) - 30 is already getting a wee bit old for having children (after 27 actually) and statistically conceiving gets more difficult with each year that goes by. I hope you are aware of this.

I never had kids because I never felt the very strong urge to have them (I'm not much of a maternal type), and my eventual DH felt even stronger about not being a father. Yes, it helped us retire early, but that is not why we didn't have kids.

I feel it children are something one should feel strongly enough about to have, because they are a huge commitment. But, again, biology doesn't let you put off the decision much past 30.

Audrey

 

[NW-Bound]

I know years down the road we will likely regret not having children...

Don't be!

I am no psychologist, but I think we have children because we value the relationship with them, from their birth until the time we have to treat them as adults. Not equal, but as an adult. Yet, we have heard of so many people who are estranged from their children. It is so sad; I do not try to ask, and will never understand anyway.

One can cultivate relationships with other relatives or friends. Is there any guarantee that you would have a good rapport with your children?

 

[Bestwifeever]

If I think about doing something and the first thing that comes to mind are obstacles that would prevent it from happening (like, "let's buy a car, but a new one is so expensive") or negative things (like, "I want to retire but what would I do all day") then I know I don't really want to do it. If I wanted to do it, I'd think about how I could make it happen, not what would stand in the way. If I find myself overanalyzing a decision, I'm pretty sure that I don't really want to go through with it.

If I really wanted a yacht or an RV, I'd figure out how to do it--buy used, buy smaller, buy a share of one with someone else, rent one, whatever. Same for kids with us (although no one took us up on sharing one )--we wanted them, we figured out a way to have them and raise them and didn't really consider the obstacles or possible negatives.

About half of our friends don't have children and are very happy with fulfilled lives. Interestingly, almost none of them our age have chosen to retire!

 

[NW-Bound]

... we wanted them, we figured out a way to have them and raise them and didn't really consider the obstacles or possible negatives.

When we had our children, we never thought of the negatives. It was only after we survived some near calls, and saw what happened to other families that we knew that we had walked through a mine field!

I hope I have not scared anyone here with the potential pitfalls. I just like to point out there are pros and cons, and when thinking of cons, things that you can put on spreadsheets are actually no big deals. We did not have any spreadsheet of living expenses, leave alone kids' costs.

 

[LOL!]

I am 30, and still on the fence about having kids. I am leaning toward yes, but it would be a few years.

We were in our mid-30s when our first was born. We both worked. We did not own a home.

1. How did having kids change your retirement plans?

Either no change or helped us retire sooner. We spent a lot of time with our kids and still do. They are teenagers now, but rather pleasant to be around. They make me feel very young.

2. How much do kids really cost? I already bought a house, so that is fixed....seems like it wouldn't be as bad as some of these calculators suggest.

Kids cost practically nothing if you (a) have good health insurance (pregnancy and birth is a $20 co-pay) and (b) have friends & relatives with kids that are 1 to 2 years older than your kids (you get all clothes, toys, books, and tons of other stuff for free). I'll admit to some extra cost for auto insurance, maybe college, and some early day care, but all that is minimal if you don't go overboard. As already reported, some folks just don't know how to say No to their kids.

3. Is it really as rewarding as the say!? (Be honest!)

Absolutely. Right now my daughter is powerwashing the patio and outdoor furniture. My son is mowing the yard. I'm laying in bed browsing the web. I've been able to do some things that I would never have done without kids. For example, I've coached lots of youth sports teams that has been quite a lot of fun.

4. What if you only have one kid? My experience (friends) is that an only child is a little weird!

I don't think it matters. We had one kid for awhile and now have 2 kids.

5. Does having a kid make work worth it? Make it suck a little less?? (wishful thinking!! )

Work and kids are unrelated in my book.

 

[EveryLady]

A late decision made -

I'll weigh in here as someone who decided against kids in my 30s then changed my mind at age 43. Odd really, because there had been no regret about not having kids earlier. No way here to explain the shift. It was very quick - literally in about 10 minutes with my beginning the adoption process within a couple of weeks, which in most situations potentially would be worrisome. Part of was realizing that I was deferring some of what I wanted to do in life that I defined a personally meaningful until I retired but that life should be lived more in the present. Fortunately I was able to make it happen. I'm now retired with a teen.

1. How did having kids change your retirement plans?
For me, I could well still be working if I hadn't adopted. Probably would have taken an offered promotion etc. Rather than my daughter keeping me from retiring, she was the reason I wanted to be home.

Many of my former co-workers (eligible for a pension) continue to work, however, due to kids. Most of it seems to be to fund expensive private colleges and graduate school. Their choice.

Other friends like myself in their 50s with teens may not be able to retire for some time. But their kids are only one factor, and probably less important in the equation than say availability of a pension, early spending patterns, too expensive a house etc.

2. How much do kids really cost? I already bought a house, so that is fixed....seems like it wouldn't be as bad as some of these calculators suggest. Obviously, the basics (decent standard of living) need to be covered. Outside of that, I get far more enjoyment from money spent on my daughter than myself. Granted, having many years of spending (or not) as I wished may promote that attitude.

As for the absolute amount, some expenditures may be beyond your control (possible special needs). Some can be evaluated now - you say you've bought a house. How is the school district? Do you tend to spend conservatively? If not, can that be changed? Will you be able to set spending limits for a kid? We live in an expensive area and there are lots of 12 and 13 yo with iphones. (My kid still has a pay-as-you go cell used only for emergency calls home.)

3. Is it really as rewarding as they say!? (Be honest!). The word "rewarding" is wrong somehow. Much of daily kid care isn't particularly rewarding but tiresome, inconvenient, and at times boring. But that's true of many endeavors that in the end are profoundly life changing. The kid's job is just to be a kid. The focus of parenthood is more on what you the parent become. It's certainly possible that some kids are so challenging that an individual can't be the parent they would want. That may be somewhat unknowable in advance; life has risks. Another scenario is that an individual doesn't choose or can't make the transition to being a parent. Only you can answer that question.

There is one other consideration. For most? (certainly me), your child becomes by far the most important person in the world and the central ingredient of your life. With all the very, life-enhancing emotion also comes fear of loss and the responsibility of making decisions that impact a life.

Would *I* do it all again? Absolutely, YES. It is a unique emotional connection. (Though that's not to say that there aren't other unique life experiences that may be better suited for someone.)

4. What if you only have one kid? My experience (friends) is that an only child is a little weird! Depending on the parents and particular family dynamics, I suppose there may be some differences - potentially positive or negative. Again, it is what you make of it. There are times my daughter would have liked a sibling. For her sake, I considered but didn't pursue it.

5. Does having a kid make work worth it? Make it suck a little less?? (wishful thinking!! ). Having my daughter changed my relationship with work - again, for better and worse. Better in that I mentally left work once I got home (not true before). Worse in that it was hard to juggle sometimes endless hours of needed overtime and being home at night and weekends. Being single was a big factor here.

 

[SVHoper]

EverLady,

As I read your post, I just kept thinking your daughter is very lucky to have you as a Mom

 

[FinanceDude]

Lilly (assuming you would be the mother) - 30 is already getting a wee bit old for having children (after 27 actually) and statistically conceiving gets more difficult with each year that goes by. I hope you are aware of this.

I never had kids because I never felt the very strong urge to have them (I'm not much of a maternal type), and my eventual DH felt even stronger about not being a father. Yes, it helped us retire early, but that is not why we didn't have kids.

I feel it children are something one should feel strongly enough about to have, because they are a huge commitment. But, again, biology doesn't let you put off the decision much past 30.Audrey

What kind of statistics back up your post?

DW had both kids over 30, and both healthy as can be.

Age 40 is a different story. over age 35, the docs start doing extra tests for potential problems. Downs Syndrome is a concern for women over 40 having kids.

 

[FUEGO]

What kind of statistics back up your post?

DW had both kids over 30, and both healthy as can be.

Age 40 is a different story. over age 35, the docs start doing extra tests for potential problems. Downs Syndrome is a concern for women over 40 having kids.

I didn't say anything before, but I had always thought 35 was when the risks started picking up and 40 is considered to be risky. That's what the OB told us.

Seriously, who has kids BEFORE age 27 these days!!??