How to cope with bad work situation?

[Sarah in SC]

If you've got a better poker face than me, go and keep your mouth shut. Otherwise a stomach flu would be my choice.
God help me if I ever get in an office like yours. You have my sincerest sympathies. I hated with a passion bordering on mania the pow/wow sessions I had to endure at Habitat.

My boss was a loathsome, intolerant, and horrendous troll of a man and we once had to listen to him break down in the middle of a second (or hell, maybe even third) hand story about some cold child in a parking lot who needed a coat. He actually started crying, like the **** happened to him and how it was so moving.
I thought I might actually die there on the spot. It was a disgusting and meaningless emotional ploy and I'm still grossed out by thinking about him.

Ugh--yeah, Kumbaya...not so much.

 

[MichaelB]

Can’t we all just get along and be nice with each other?

The worst of these meetings is they usually [-]make you want to spew[/-] ruin your appetite. There are two risks: if an HR type leads and, not understanding his/her role, actually try to solve the problem at hand; or if you are directly challenged by someone intent on your participation. Troublemaking or devious co-workers immediately come to mind. This last risk can be a real disaster.

A tactic I have seen used well is to create a mid-session excuse to leave but book it ahead of time. For example, something medical or dental, children at school, catch a flight, meeting with xxx. The key is to be there at the kick-off, have your attendance noted, then scoot.

I didn't do well in kumbayas. When I did attend I was usually in a bad way due to the waste of time and unable to resist the provocations by those passive-aggressive types that were always around when there was trouble.

 

[MichaelB]

If you've got a better poker face than me, go and keep your mouth shut. Otherwise a stomach flu would be my choice.
God help me if I ever get in an office like yours. You have my sincerest sympathies. I hated with a passion bordering on mania the pow/wow sessions I had to endure at Habitat.

My boss was a loathsome, intolerant, and horrendous troll of a man and we once had to listen to him break down in the middle of a second (or hell, maybe even third) hand story about some cold child in a parking lot who needed a coat. He actually started crying, like the **** happened to him and how it was so moving.
I thought I might actually die there on the spot. It was a disgusting and meaningless emotional ploy and I'm still grossed out by thinking about him.

Ugh--yeah, Kumbaya...not so much.

Jeez - don't hold back. Tell us what you really think

 

[freebird5825]

...A tactic I have seen used well is to create a mid-session excuse to leave but book it ahead of time. For example, something medical or dental, children at school, catch a flight, meeting with xxx. The key is to be there at the kick-off, have your attendance noted, then scoot.

Hey, who stole my playbook?

I will heartily second this one.
A prior professional commitment is best, like a customer calling you for assistance or something involving big funding, like a "use it or lose it" scenario. Equipment failure was always my favorite.
A personal..ahem...emergency...is second choice, but it better be a really good "reason". Save this powder for another time if you can.

 

[DangerMouse]

Whatever you do, do not speak out against the actions being taken, as it appears it's just a typical HR feel good event so they can pat themselves on the back for a job well done.

If I were you I would engineer not being present when group hugs are going around to avoid puking on any of the offenders. However, to me it might look suspicious if you take just that day off. Can you have a family emergency that would require your absence that day and a couple of days around it so you don't have to participate in the build-up or the post mortem? You could use that time to polish your resume with the aim of getting the hell out of there asap.

 

[MichaelB]

Sometimes attendance is noted at these meetings, especially when an action plan calls for division or unit-wide awareness programs. Showing up, staying for an hour, then leaving complies with the objective as long as the reason to leave is legit (to your approving manager). Whatever works.

 

[bbbamI]

I'm glad I'm retired.

 

[brewer12345]

Whatever you do, do not speak out against the actions being taken, as it appears it's just a typical HR feel good event so they can pat themselves on the back for a job well done.

If I were you I would engineer not being present when group hugs are going around to avoid puking on any of the offenders. However, to me it might look suspicious if you take just that day off. Can you have a family emergency that would require your absence that day and a couple of days around it so you don't have to participate in the build-up or the post mortem? You could use that time to polish your resume with the aim of getting the hell out of there asap.

I will be travelling for pretty much the entire month of Feb. If I am REALLY lucky, they will schedule it for next month.

 

[kumquat]

I will be travelling for pretty much the entire month of Feb. If I am REALLY lucky, they will schedule it for next month.

And if it's for a day you are expected to be in the office, the cabdriver could "have a mechanical failure" forcing you to miss the last flight home.

 

[brewer12345]

I like your thinking. "Sorry, I got bumped from the last flight home. Whoops."

 

[audreyh1]

Well, all signs are that the hammer will be dropped very soon, based on frenzied manager meetings and some inside dope. I do not think that the culture will result in an outright witch hunt, and this is clearly more about checking the box than solving problems. But not much comfort there...

Oh man! Nothing worse than frenzied manager meetings!!!!

This has been like watching a slo-mo train wreck!

Hoping for the best for you. Maybe there will be a positive outcome - at least to the extent that some pressure is released and you can go back to doing your job.

Ooops - nevermind! That kumbaya sessions sounds waaaay to icky!!!

Audrey

 

[brewer12345]

Yeah, that would be nice. I was supposed to be kept in house for the month of January to work on some long neglected long term projects. Apparently that is out the window and I am the reserve unit being sent out to mop up all sorts of stuff. Sent out for at least a week on a job now (and boy is the "client" unhappy to see me since I just finished kicking them in the crotch last month), have another one percolating for week after next, juggling some other firedrills and appearing on a panel/talk next week.

 

[mews]

Likely I will be forced to attend an airing of grievances (which is beneath my dignity) .

Brewer, you are in a mess, and I hope you can get out -

but the part above made me laugh, soorry!!! It made me think of Festivus!

Festivus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Perhaps you can have 'feats of strength' to go with the 'airing of grievencies'

ta,
and good luck!
mew

 

[brewer12345]

Brewer, you are in a mess, and I hope you can get out -

but the part above made me laugh, soorry!!! It made me think of Festivus!

Festivus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Perhaps you can have 'feats of strength' to go with the 'airing of grievencies'

ta,
and good luck!
mew

Oh, do not tempt me...

 

[Nords]

I'm late to this thread, but it reminded me of Berkun's "bad boss" essay:

The best advice for having a bad manager is to seek other employment. Don’t undervalue your happiness: it’s impossible to be happy if you work directly for someone you can’t stand.

#43 – How to survive a bad manager « Scott Berkun

I guess this is why you're aggressively saving & investing for ER instead of angling to take over Byron Trott's old job at Goldman. Or raising your own funds to compete against him for "Masters of the Universe" privileges.

You already know what to do; it's just a matter of keeping the timing in your hands.

It's like shorting the market-- you know you're right, it's just an issue of whether you can afford to stay with your convictions long enough to be vindicated. The advantage is that you already know how to change jobs and you do it well in an industry/location where frequent job changes seem to be accepted, even encouraged. The hassle is that it must seem like you just got there, and now you're starting all over again. At least Berkun's essay can help you sort out your pro/con list and decide on the timing of your strategy.

One other option would be whether you can minimize your "directly" presence. Is there some way you could reduce contact by doing most of your work in another space, communicating only by e-mail and putting in appearances only when mandated? I doubt it, but if you were able to separate yourself physically then it would somewhat reduce the stress. Your boss could possibly be just as tired of dealing with you as you are of dealing with their boss-ness.

Another reason to leave would be that your boss's management has done a terrible job of managing the situation. If you can't count on them to take care of you in a clear problem like this one, let alone to properly care for a valuable employee, then there's no reason to have any faith in them for the day when you'd really need their support.

 

[brewer12345]

And the beat(ing) goes on...

Have been shipped out to the hinterlands for a month with the useless boss' pet. Guess who got promoted today? The rectal suction provider wasting oxygen in the next cube down here with me. The other promotes in the department are chiefly distinguished by their ability to deep throat.

I am so done with this nonsense. Dying for internal openings, and if they do not materialize soon I may avail myself of all the enticing external openings I keep seeing. In the mean time, I think I will be refusing any more extended travel and extra projects. Grrrr...

 

[DangerMouse]

I am assuming you are in a government position based on the fact that ability has nothing to do with promotions. Get yourself out of there before you go postal.

 

[bbbamI]

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time brewer. Make your plans and act accordingly.

In the meantime remind yourself that one day you will no longer have to play their games... see yourself lounging on the patio in retirement sipping a cold beer. That day will come....

 

[W2R]

Brewer, that happened to me too. It was very difficult to watch less qualified, worthless people get all the promotions, not to mention credit for the work I was doing. Eventually I got my promotion but by that time my morale was really low.

You know what? It really makes no difference to me now. None of it does. Once you are retired, the situation will be behind you. Meanwhile, there's not much you can do except to keep telling yourself that they made their deals, and you made yours. Plus, you can look at yourself in the mirror in the mornings.

 

[brewer12345]

Decided to take matters into my hands today. I reached out to someone I worked with over the past year and asked if he had or knew of any openings. He said he would love to have me and we may be able to get the headcount necessary. He will work on his boss and I will go pitch the grand poohpah when I get back from my trip. It would be an interesting spot to be and I like everyone on the team. We will see if it develops. If not, I will be working on other things as well.

 

[bbbamI]

Good for you brewer....I'm proud of you.

 

[FUEGO]

Decided to take matters into my hands today. I reached out to someone I worked with over the past year and asked if he had or knew of any openings. He said he would love to have me and we may be able to get the headcount necessary. He will work on his boss and I will go pitch the grand poohpah when I get back from my trip. It would be an interesting spot to be and I like everyone on the team. We will see if it develops. If not, I will be working on other things as well.

It's a good first action. It puts your fate into your hands and gives you options and a sense of possibilities of better opportunities in your future. Much better coping strategy that getting punched over and over, then saying "thank you sir, may I have another" like it is so easy to do.

 

[DangerMouse]

Brewer, good on your for taking control of your situation. You will have the best revenge when you leave and the losers as left behind to take on your workload. The suckers and the idiot boss will have no-one to palm things onto so they are soon going to look like the incompetent fools they are.

 

[freebird5825]

Bravo to you, Brewer. The best way to win the race is to take the first step.

I did several transfers by my request during my career when I saw that things were swinging against me politically, just because.
I learned a lot by doing the transfers and was more well rounded as a person than those who chose to be stuck in one place.
It's always important to have someone with a "pull" on your side.

 

[easysurfer]

Brewer, that happened to me too. It was very difficult to watch less qualified, worthless people get all the promotions, not to mention credit for the work I was doing. Eventually I got my promotion but by that time my morale was really low.

You know what? It really makes no difference to me now. None of it does. Once you are retired, the situation will be behind you. Meanwhile, there's not much you can do except to keep telling yourself that they made their deals, and you made yours. Plus, you can look at yourself in the mirror in the mornings.

So very true, especially about the part of being able to at yourself in the mirror in the mornings. I remember my "moment of truth" when I decided to do a "Johnny Paycheck" and decline an offer to be outsourced as a contracter (after working 20+ years) or take the outsource and be stuck in a rut. In my heart of hearts, though it was a risky and unconventional move, I knew it was best to move on and be able to face myself in the mornings.