inheritance money?

[Walt34]

I can really relate to the last paragraph. We felt the same way about our parents' money. They worked hard for it and we encouraged them to spend it on themselves. They did so, to some extent.

That happened with us (three kids) as well. Always frugal, at one time my mother was concerned about some purchases (new car, some travel) and voiced the concern that she would perhaps not leave an inheritance.

All three were unanimous: "Spend it Mom! Lord knows you've paid your dues!"

 

[Achiever51]

DH has a very similar story to Khan's. His Aunt Emma never married and spent her entire career with one employer, where she rose to a senior managment position. She retired at age 62 and lived to 90. Shortly after she retired, she let her future heirs (her nephew my husband, and five or six distant cousins, none of whom lived within a thousand miles) know that "someday, everything would be theirs." As she lived close by and DH was to be her personal representative, we had a good understanding of what that "everything" really meant. The others apparently thought they were in line to become instant millionaires.

For the first twenty years of her retirement, Aunt Emma really enjoyed her retirement -- traveling around the world with friends, splurging on a few luxuries, etc. -- and it was wonderful to see her so happy. In her last years, however, some significant health issues forced her to move to an assisted living facility and by the time she died, her "everything" was valued at less than $25,000.

At her death, the distant relatives demanded their shares of the "hundreds of thousands of dollars" that Aunt Emma "must have had." (After all, they pointed out, she did live a pretty high-flying life." Or so they thought from her postcards and notes.) After the audit of her estate, when DH notified the other heirs that their shares would be less than $5K each, one of the cousins filed a formal complaint with the probate court, claimed we siphoned off assets, etc. [In reality, toward the end of her life, we were supplementing her income to pay her bills.] DH ended up resigning as personal rep of the estate...the squabble among the other heirs went on for several years...and in the end, no one got anything as the small estate was spent on attorney fees, audits, etc.

We ended up with a box of personal papers and a desk that she bought on her first trip to the Orient (which we treasure)...everyone else got nothing but hard feelings.

Moral: I never would count on any inheritance until the check cleared.

 

[W2R]

In her last years, however, some significant health issues forced her to move to an assisted living facility and by the time she died, her "everything" was valued at less than $25,000.

I think this also points out something that a lot of people really don't understand or believe, especially if they have only been around people who died by suddenly dropping dead at 70 or 80 while in great health. Just because a person has a large estate at age 70 doesn't mean the estate will be larger at age 100 if they live that long, due to assisted living and end of life costs or other factors. Although in some or possibly even most circumstances very old age means spending less, in other circumstances it can be costly.

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

mom left not a lot but enough so i don't have to work. my spending has not changed at all and i plan to reduce my cost of living in any case. personally, i preferred the life i had when i was working and mom held onto her money. the problem now is that were i to take a job i'd only have half my life back but no amount of money in the world can bring me back the part i'd prefer.

don't worry about feeling guilty about taking your parents' money. there is so much more to deal with, the money won't matter one bit.

 

[pureaboly]

Moral: I never would count on any inheritance until the check cleared.

There's an article today in the New York Times (free login probably required) encouraging this approach. It lists eight factors.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/21/business/yourmoney/21money.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

 

[Bimmerbill]

I tell my mother all the time to spend it! My dad and her saved a long time and then my dad died from cancer at 69 and left it all to my mom.

 

[P.S.]

a few more stories to add:

when I was very young, my mom had a colleague that also became a close friend. I liked this colleague very much b/c when she would visit, she would always give us beautiful classic books (I still have them). And she also gave very good life advice. She was single, and despite my mom moving away, etc, then remained very close, visiting each other regularly, she came to my graduations etc. It was upsetting to hear when she died, but I was completely floored when I found out she had left me some money. I was even more amazed when I received the copy of the will to sign and saw how much I got in proportion to various nieces and nephews. Apparently the nieces and nephews were also amazed, b/c almost all of her legacy was bequeathed to local medical institutions, volunteer groups, etc. They had expected to be very very rich.

one of my IL's used to often imply that when mother died, there would be a large inheritance. And there would have been, except that she was very late in life diagnosed with a disease that did not kill her in the 1-2 y expected. Instead, she took a very long time, many years to die, and all medical expenses and very expensive facility care were paid from her estate. Housing alone was $20k a month when she died. No one was left rich by what remained.