My question is, how much weight should one put on looking at a potential spouses money habits?
Having similar
money values is very key in your future life partner. By money values, I mean you both feel the same about saving habits, spending habits, donating to charity, paying for kids colleges (or letting kids pay their own way), retirement goals, etc. It should be not hard to talk about money either. Some people think talking about it is a taboo subject. I could never imagine getting married and not ever talking about money with my partner while dating.
Is it more important to find someone that is intelligent, attractive and shares similar interests?
Why not look for A and B in a partner? It sounds like you either think they are good with money, but then not pretty, smart and has shared interests. She is out there! And by similar interests - things like both being the eldest child of the family, hate Chinese food, love old black and white movies - those things really do very little in determining the success of long term happy relationships. However, it might help with the initial interaction and with figuring how to have fun - but it's not a binding for success necessarily.
Would you not pursue someone that seemed excellent except for being loose with money?
If they were loose with money, all the other characteristics in the world probably would not trump this one bad habit. Perhaps they can change, but I’d have to see it to believe it first. She doesn't have to be frugal but just have similar money values as yours.
Is your dating pool of only rich, taken care of women or something? Maybe get out and volunteer in your community!
I was married to someone in my 20s who did not know what saving was, just thought everything would be OK in retirement and didn't make more than $10k a year (I guess I was his sugar mama). We divorced but money was not the main issue! When we were dating I wasn't really thinking about money values.
Then having a second chance at love, I chose MUCH more wisely. I did find someone who has similar money value as me (plus he's cute, very smart, kind, respectful and we have tons of outdoor hobbies). Life is much easier now! We're not frugal but we're spending aware and LBYM.
PS - Engineer female over here too!