The It-Sucks-To-Be-Me Generation

[Howard]

I am not the only one who knows a young person just putting in time until some Grand Father or other relative dies and they expect some cash?

The product of a generation who did not want their kids to go through what they went through,but failed to realise what they went through made them what the are.

 

[HFWR]

I'd say that about sums it up...

 

[Calgary_Girl]

Back to the 20-somethings and their expectations:

My SO's son, age 26, and his fiance, age 18, will both be moving out of their parents homes for the first time when they get married in March (halleluiah!)

He's beginning his apprenticeship as a union electrician, she's a grocery checker.  They have no savings now and he has no permenant job.

They have insisted on looking for a "cute house" in nice neighborhood to rent, despite our strong suggestions that maybe they start out in an apartment first.   

As far as we know they have done NO budgeting of what their expenses versus income is going to be.

Now to top it off, Sunday they came asking to borrow the security deposit!!

Seems they expect everything instantaneously and have no sense of working for it.

Just my personal experience.

Wow, what's the rush with everything these days?  I always find it unusual when kids want to get married so young.  I'm a firm believer that kids should finish school, have a steady job and be a bit more "worldly" before taking the plunge.  Just my 2 cents....  

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Wow, what's the rush with everything these days?  I always find it unusual when kids want to get married so young.  I'm a firm believer that kids should finish school, have a steady job and be a bit more "worldly" before taking the plunge.  Just my 2 cents....  

Agreed.

 

[bongo2]

And retirement too -- what's the rush? Work a while, be a bit more "worldly". . .

 

[HFWR]

Well, I've been working longer than either of them have been alive...

 

[maddythebeagle]

The product of a generation who did not want their kids to go through what they went through,but failed to realise what they went through made them what the are.

I think this is right on.

 

[Outtahere]

What I want to know is did you give them the money for the security deposit?

 

[brewer12345]

Wow, what's the rush with everything these days?  I always find it unusual when kids want to get married so young.  I'm a firm believer that kids should finish school, have a steady job and be a bit more "worldly" before taking the plunge.  Just my 2 cents....  

Eh, I can see it both ways. If you wait until you are older you get more wisdom and experience, but you also get more cynical (and maybe even less choosy/desparate). Like everything in life, I guess its a trade-off.

 

[Sheryl]

Wow, what's the rush with everything these days?  I always find it unusual when kids want to get married so young.  I'm a firm believer that kids should finish school, have a steady job and be a bit more "worldly" before taking the plunge.  Just my 2 cents....  

Yeah, I don't think 26 is so bad, but the fact that he's marrying an 18 yr. old sounds like a recipe for disaster. We can pretty much write the script. 4 years from now, when they have two kids, she's going to say she never had any fun, never had a life before they got married so early. Now she wants to go out, do stuff, not be tied down to a husband who's 30 and works all the time... divorce. Single parenthood. Part time fatherhood and child support.

This is what SO went through with his son, and it seems destined to repeat.

But they are fundamentalist christians (the kids, NOT SO!) and probably feel a duty to go forth and be fruitful.

 

[justin]

Yeah, I don't think 26 is so bad, but the fact that he's marrying an 18 yr. old sounds like a recipe for disaster. We can pretty much write the script. 4 years from now, when they have two kids, she's going to say she never had any fun, never had a life before they got married so early. Now she wants to go out, do stuff, not be tied down to a husband who's 30 and works all the time... divorce. Single parenthood. Part time fatherhood and child support.

Wow. I no longer feel guilty for scripting out this outcome in my mind.

Modify the ages by a few years, and you have my cousin and her ex-husband. Electrician/construction worker husband and grocery store clerk wife.

My cousin married when she was barely 18, had two kids (the first a few months after the wedding ). Husband a few years older. Born again fundamentalist christians. Can't manage their money. Divorce after 3-4 years. Wow. .

Their material misfortunes paralleled their relationship misfortunes. As the last days of their marriage went by, a tree fell on their mobile home, ruining it beyond repair.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

the first a few months after the wedding

That happened to me too. I was shocked. We werent even married and I thought you had to get married before you could get pregnant.

My dad cleared it all up for me. Apparently the first one can come at any time, after that its 9 months or so.

 

[TomSimpsonAZ]

When Parents Love Too Much



It is a book that all potential, current, grandparents, and children should read that deals with the problems of overparenting. This is something that almost everyone has faced in one way or another. When I read it I was just amazed at how it applies to almost everyone I've ever met, dated, shown my O face, snubbed, loved, been friends with, etc.

 

[Sheryl]

My cousin married when she was barely 18, had two kids (the first a few months after the wedding ).  Husband a few years older.  Born again fundamentalist christians.  Can't manage their money.  Divorce after 3-4 years.  Wow. .

Yikes, we must be living in parallel universes.

It seems so obvious to everyone except them. Sigh.

 

[HFWR]

Wonder what born-again fundamentalist Christians are doing boinking out of wedlock?

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Heyyy...good question.

Wife was telling me about someone on either oprah or dr phil yesterday, maybe we should just call the show "dr oprahs view" and round it all up.

Apparently these bible thumpers had been having oral sex, and their minister told them that this was not in fact sex (uhh...what about all that sodomy stuff I remember from bible school? Has that been removed from the new...new testament?) I've alkways figured that anything with the word "sex" in it is probably sex. For sure, anything that involves removing someones pants and sticking some part of themselves inside of some part of someone else qualifies.

So anyhow, they 'slipped' and had real sex and ended up rushing to get married only to discover that they hated each others guts and want to get a divorce. When things werent working out, they decided to have and did have a second child. This somehow failed to magically fix their incompatibility problems and unrealistic expectations.

Would you believe the guy just sits around on the couch all day playing video games and that it frequently takes him 9 months to finish a one week project?

Bastard.

 

[SLC Tortfeasor]

Wow, what's the rush with everything these days?  I always find it unusual when kids want to get married so young.  I'm a firm believer that kids should finish school, have a steady job and be a bit more "worldly" before taking the plunge.  Just my 2 cents....  

I totally agree.  Unfortunately, I've done all those things.  I finished law school 4 years ago.  I've bought my house already.  I'm going on 30 years old.  I've dated a number of women.  Now, I'm really serious with my girlfriend, and everyone's pushing us to get married.  And unfortunately I can't really justifiably keep saying, "I'm too young!  I haven't even lived yet!"

Sorry, just my personal angst shining through!

 

[F M All]

Apparently these bible thumpers had been having oral sex, and their minister told them that this was not in fact sex (uhh...what about all that sodomy stuff I remember from bible school?  Has that been removed from the new...new testament?)  I've alkways figured that anything with the word "sex" in it is probably sex.  For sure, anything that involves removing someones pants and sticking some part of themselves inside of some part of someone else qualifies.

Better check with Bill Clinton on the definition..................

 

[Gone4Good]

I wouldn't want to swap my opportunities and hardships with the ones that faced my father when he was my age, or his father, or his father's father, etc. etc. All things considered I think we're pretty damned lucky.

 

[yakers]

I wouldn't want to swap my opportunities and hardships with the ones that faced my father when he was my age, or his father, or his father's father, etc. etc.  All things considered I think we're pretty damned lucky. 

Amen

 

[haha]

And unfortunately I can't really justifiably keep saying, "I'm too young!  I haven't even lived yet!"

Sure you can. There are folks out there who have slept with 1000s of partners. Tell you gal pal that you aspire to be like them.. Soon your poroblem will be over.

Ha

 

[Nords]

Now to top it off, Sunday they came asking to borrow the security deposit!!
Seems they expect everything instantaneously and have no sense of working for it.
Just my personal experience.

Phew, hope you don't get more of that kind of experience.  

Sounds like they'll learn more from you telling them that you can't loan them the deposit... unless that means they'll "have" to move back in with you.  I'm not looking forward to being confronted with that situation.

I am not the only one who knows a young person just putting in time until some Grand Father or other relative dies and they expect some cash?

I tell our kid that she gets all our dough when we croak, but that she'll have to wait until she's 80!

I totally agree. Unfortunately, I've done all those things. I finished law school 4 years ago. I've bought my house already. I'm going on 30 years old. I've dated a number of women. Now, I'm really serious with my girlfriend, and everyone's pushing us to get married. And unfortunately I can't really justifiably keep saying, "I'm too young! I haven't even lived yet!"

I've traveled the world, I've run with the bulls, I've skied the Rockies, I've bought liquor stores (not the businesses, just the contents), and if I want wild chandelier-swinging group sex then I know just the place down on Ke'eamoku Street.

Feh. You ain't lived a life worth living until you've juggled marriage, parenthood, work, and an unexpected surprise adversely impacting one of the first three.

And after I feel like I've mastered those challenges, then I'll be ready to go back downtown...

 

[justin]

Wonder what born-again fundamentalist Christians are doing boinking out of wedlock?

I think they "converted" from regular fundamentalist Christians after the first kid or two. Something about the snake-handling and speaking in tongues thing really appealed to them.

 

[Zipper]

Slightly off topic, but should be considered.

Prime child bearing years are in your 20's.

Sperm, and especially eggs have a best before date!

 

[FlowGirl]

And then when they are short a few hundred or thousand dollars for their rent/new car payment/ Bestbuy CC payment, they'll come running to you for another cash infusion.  Economic Outpatient Care - dangerous thing! 

Agreed.  I would tell them that if they're old enough to get married then they are old enough to pay for their own security deposit.

I guess spouse and I got married fairly young (22/23), but didn't take a dime from anyone.  It wasn't even an option and we had to use debt to boot strap ourselves through college and into adult life.    Lived in one bedroom apartments until we were 29 and are still using hand-me-down furniture.  It sure was a struggle early on and we made some mistakes, but 9 years later we have pretty fat retirement accounts and feel on top of the world financially.  We keep looking at each other and asking "Can things get any better?"  The big thing is that we have the satisfaction of knowing that everything we've accomplished has been due to our own hard work.

OTOH, brother-in-law is almost 30 and has received economic outpatient care his whole life.  Still lives at home with no education and no viable career options.  In additional to breeding laziness and a sense of entitlement I can see that the situation has been slowly damaging his self esteem (which breeds more resentment and entitlement).    It's an awful situation.   If you have any say in the matter, stop the madness now.  Adults should pay their own way - period!