FiRE and elderly parents.

[Emeritus]

Just had to make a fast trip out west to see my mother, who is 89 and in the last stages of illness. She lives with my sister, and gets supportive family care and recently good quality hospice care. My father died 4 years ago at the age of 87, at which point my mother entered the Assisted living -Nursing home to hospice home care cycle. I have no control over finances but the whole trip over 4 years has cost about $500,000 above insurance. (pension and assets have paid all non insurance medical and similar bills to date)

We were fortunate to have dodged the bullet on the Erickson Assisted living bankruptcy. We got the deposit back in 2007

Questions Linger as Erickson Enters Bankruptcy - Developments - WSJ

I just wonder how other people have analyzed the Assisted living cost structure.

 

[GregLee]

I just wonder how other people have analyzed the Assisted living cost structure.

No, though I needed to face the issue somehow when my mother fell ill. I just couldn't find a way of keeping her in a nursing home, so I wound up just caring for her myself at home until she died early 2009 at age 89. I read over your reference on Erickson --- whew! What a mess. One of my problems was that my mother was joint owner with me and my wife of our home, and I didn't want to make an agreement that would put my own interest in my home in jeopardy.

 

[donheff]

My in laws are in an all inclusive facility like that. The facility itself appears to be doing OK financially but we are having a nightmare dealing with FIL's Alzheimers. I will probably post a long cautionary tale about our experiences later. I want to wait until things have sorted out and I calm down. I may be a bit paranoid but I don't want to risk the chance that marketing web crawlers might find my post/rant and use something I said to influence the course of events.

 

[Emeritus]

M we are having a nightmare dealing with FIL's Alzheimers. I will probably post a long cautionary tale about our experiences later. I want to wait until things have sorted out and I calm down.

my mother has non alzheimers dementia . For anyone dealing with Alzheimers I suggest THE FORGETTING: Alzheimer's: Portrait of an Epidemic by David Shenk

You have my deepest sympathy. My Mother can still laugh at a good joke, which does help a bit.

 

[tjscott0]

Just had to make a fast trip out west to see my mother, who is 89 and in the last stages of illness. She lives with my sister, and gets supportive family care and recently good quality hospice care.

My family went thru a similar situation the last 3 years. Except it involved a unpopular/difficult uncle. There were were 3 siblings involved. One sibling dealt with the uncle the last 3 years of my uncle's life. The estate [$135k] was to be equally divided among the siblings. The caregiver sibling probably had non reimbursed expenses & 3 years of life lost to caregiving of the uncle. In my family's situation, the two noncaregiving siblings wrote checks to give back a portion of their inheritance to make up for non reimbursed expense plus some. The 3 lost years really can't be compensated. That money given back acknowledged the sacrifice of the caregiving sibling and reduced or ameliorated any resentment.

Even when a beloved parent is involved some acknowledgment of sacrifice is due the caregiver besides words of appreciation. That of course assume the caregiver isn't ransacking the parent's assets for personal profit.<grin>

This response is NOT specifically aimed at the original poster. The post brought back personal memories that board members may or may not feel have applicable merit to personal situations.

regards

tjscott0

 

[Brat]

My peers are in their late 60s so we have all had to deal with frail parents. What was fascinating to me was that several found adult foster care homes the most appropriate - and this included parents with substantial assets whose kids are MDs. Our experience has been mixed as these places are very individual. If you are considering going this route make sure that their licence is up to date (maybe even talking to their last inspector, ask about complaints or concerns they may have received), ask for references from the families of current and former residents. A more subtle issue is the use of a language your parent doesn't understand, that can cause anxiety.

 

[grasshopper]

Thanks Emeritus, Both my Mom and MIL are living at Erickson's facilities.

 

[Free To Canoe]

my mother has non alzheimers dementia . For anyone dealing with Alzheimers I suggest THE FORGETTING: Alzheimer's: Portrait of an Epidemic by David Shenk

You have my deepest sympathy. My Mother can still laugh at a good joke, which does help a bit.

Just got back from Moms BD. Still living independant but the forgetting is getting worse and I don't have a plan. Thanks for the reference.

Free to canoe