Richard4444
Full time employment: Posting here.
Best wishes - your "bunch of strangers" are also a good support group !
Rich
Rich
Kick in the teeth
- Thread starter COZICAN
- Start date
pacergal
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
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Coz--
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife. I am sure you are living in a fog right now, it is important to take care of yourselves--remember to eat, stay hydrated, and try to rest. The fight ahead is for both of you.
Stay positive and know that your internet family here is pulling for you both.
Keep us posted.
Take care.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife. I am sure you are living in a fog right now, it is important to take care of yourselves--remember to eat, stay hydrated, and try to rest. The fight ahead is for both of you.
Stay positive and know that your internet family here is pulling for you both.
Keep us posted.
Take care.
Markola
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
No, it’s not. However, having lived through my DW surviving breast cancer twice and a bunch of other maladies, I can tell you from experience that there is almost zero support provided by the medical industry or, really, well-meaning but ignorant friends and family, for the caregiving spouse. The OP is in shock right now but, once he can start putting one foot in front of the other, it’s important that he finds ways of taking care of himself while the entire rest of his world focuses on his DW. Otherwise, problems build up due to the self-negation and self-subjugation of spouses in the treatment process. Get some exercise, eat right, get sleep, read, and HIRE YOURSELF A PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST. I have a therapist who gets me to open up about my stifled feelings around the whole matter and I wish I’d found her during my DW’s treatments. Everyone, including you, OP, expects you to shut up and get focused on your DW. I’m here to tell you, that’s not healthy and will lead to needed therapy for you, and likely couples therapy for you both, either now or later. Best wishes for you both.
Very good advice. Thank you. I'm already reevaluating some things. I'm not sleeping well, not eating well and putting off exercise. As things settle down (all of the testing etc) and we move on to treatment I hope things will get better. Right now I just worry about her needs but I do know I have to take care of myself mentally as well as physically.
VanWinkle
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
I am very familiar with what you are going through. Make sure to keep living life to it's fullest and hug each other every day. Keep her optimistic on the treatments as it will add to her enjoyment of life during the hard times.
I also wish you and your DW did not have to go through this, but it will make you both stronger in your love for each other.
VW
I also wish you and your DW did not have to go through this, but it will make you both stronger in your love for each other.
VW
Bryan Barnfellow
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Sending you good thoughts from across the pond, COZICAN. Stay positive, especially for supporting your wife's morale, and as others have suggested, take care of yourself. One other piece of advice. For the early consultations with the doctors, yes take a notebook, but maybe also a trusted friend who will listen and "hear" with more objectivity and focus. Perhaps someone who said, "Tell me what I can do to help" and meant it.
All the best to you and especially to your dear wife. I know I would be feeling the same as you if I were in this situation.
-BB
All the best to you and especially to your dear wife. I know I would be feeling the same as you if I were in this situation.
-BB
We've been married 35+ w/ no kids. Our love has already grown stronger due to this. I don't believe a day has passed in 35+ we haven't hugged, kissed and told each other of our love.
RetireBy90
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
My DW had breast cancer about 12 years ago. While your wife needs you now more than ever, I would suggest that it is about her, but also about you. I focused on DW to the point that I turned away offers to help me. It took a while for me to realize I also was affected and needed to talk about it, cry about it, all that. DW recovered and is clear for all this time. Take some time to care for you also. yMMV
Speculator
Recycles dryer sheets
My prayers are with both you and your wife. As others have suggested, please take care of yourself so you can provide the best level of support for your wife. I wish you only the best through this trying time.
RetiredAndLovingIt
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
So sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis, you must both be in complete shock at this difficult time.
You might want to ask your HR department if you qualify for FMLA leave. This law protects your job while allowing you to take up to 12 weeks unpaid leave to take care of a sick family member. Some states offer paid leave but unfortunately I don't think yours is one of them.
Best wishes
https://www.dol.gov/general/topic/workhours/fmla
You might want to ask your HR department if you qualify for FMLA leave. This law protects your job while allowing you to take up to 12 weeks unpaid leave to take care of a sick family member. Some states offer paid leave but unfortunately I don't think yours is one of them.
Best wishes
https://www.dol.gov/general/topic/workhours/fmla
I do qualify and my company is behind me 100%. I'm holding off on that for now to see how the treatment goes. It's close to the house and her mom will be taking her. Should she become sick I will take the FMLA time. Shes pretty good right now. Slight pain and mild nausea. Treatments start later this week.
Vacation4us
Full time employment: Posting here.
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So sorry for this unexpected mess. Hope all goes well for you and your wife. My ex MIL lived 18 years after her lung cancer diagnosis. Hope your wife can get through this and you have many many years together.
For me (and I'm not you) I went to virtually every appoint/treatment. It was to honor my wife and tell her by my actions that we were in this together. Every once in a while a friend wanted to take her, or meet us in the chemo infusion room for an hour or two. That helped my wife too. At the end I felt like I did everything in my power to help. We would run into docs or nurses that we could ask a question. Or ask for a little thing that was bugging my wife (like a special bandage or dressing).
Ask about immunotherapy drugs. One that is pretty recent & I think is frontline (first) for lung cancer is Keytruda. It saved a friend of ours life. Frontline means they can start with that treatment first. Instead of trying others then getting to the Keytruda. By the time we got to Keytruda is was too late I really think the immune therapy drugs are the future
Praying for you & your family
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rk911
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
thoughts and prayers from us to you both.
My heart goes out to you and your wife.
My husband's entire family passed from lung cancer. They were all smokers. His dad at least lived into his 80's. His sisters passed young. One at 50 and one at 62. He had aunts and uncles pass before their time due to lung cancer and they were all smokers as well. Thankfully my husband stopped smoking in his early twenties per my insistence.
Of course, there are people who never smoked who get lung cancer and there are others that smoke and never get lung cancer.
I will say a prayer for your wife that she may recover soon and you both will be able to go forward with your life plans together. It's going to be tough, but stay strong and try to find whatever happiness you can in each and every day.
My husband's entire family passed from lung cancer. They were all smokers. His dad at least lived into his 80's. His sisters passed young. One at 50 and one at 62. He had aunts and uncles pass before their time due to lung cancer and they were all smokers as well. Thankfully my husband stopped smoking in his early twenties per my insistence.
Of course, there are people who never smoked who get lung cancer and there are others that smoke and never get lung cancer.
I will say a prayer for your wife that she may recover soon and you both will be able to go forward with your life plans together. It's going to be tough, but stay strong and try to find whatever happiness you can in each and every day.
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drunarayan
Dryer sheet wannabe
My healing thoughts
I am so sorry this happened to your wife. It must have been very hard to take. I speak with similar experience here. It turned outlives upside down, simply all plan we had made went out the window. We are on the flip side of treatment and life is returning to normal. I am sure it will for your too.
I am so sorry this happened to your wife. It must have been very hard to take. I speak with similar experience here. It turned outlives upside down, simply all plan we had made went out the window. We are on the flip side of treatment and life is returning to normal. I am sure it will for your too.
Cancer is a real bitch, but medical technology is advancing fast. I've had 5 major carcinoma, but all were Stage 1. First thing I did was to sign up for the free Cure magazine (https://www.curetoday.com/subscription), which discusses current & upcoming treatments, & the free Conquer magazine (https://conquer-magazine.com/subscribe/) which does the same from the patient's viewpoint.
Good luck, brother!
Good luck, brother!
scaubie
Recycles dryer sheets
Hello Coz, praying for you and for her. Focus on the positive, it’s powerful.
As someone who went thru chemotherapy, I have another thought to add....
there were times when I DIDN'T want someone 'sitting' with me, or have someone trying to chat with me, or have someone 'hovering' over me. These were the times I just needed some alone time. So if at times your wife makes that request, you are helping her by honoring it.
Sorry for your wife's diagnosis and the battle that you are both facing. Prayers for both of you.
there were times when I DIDN'T want someone 'sitting' with me, or have someone trying to chat with me, or have someone 'hovering' over me. These were the times I just needed some alone time. So if at times your wife makes that request, you are helping her by honoring it.
Sorry for your wife's diagnosis and the battle that you are both facing. Prayers for both of you.
Ed_The_Gypsy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
We second all of the above.
We have an old friend MD who worked at MDA. They work like Trojans to save people. Get there ASAP. I would.
I agree with Scrapr, that immunotherapy is the future. If we can only get there in time.
All I can do is send you our best wishes.
Ed
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I just came on board seeing this thread. Very sorry for the diagnosis but with a good positive attitude and right facility things could turn out fine. Reach out to people for support and use it to lean on during the low times. If you have access to people that have something similar talk with them openly. I can’t speak highly enough for MD Anderson(just spent a week there after diagnosis a few months ago). Once you get in and diagnosed they put you with a specialist that deals with your specific type of disease. Believe me I know because what I have only 6 to 8 out of 100,000 catch it. It use to be when you caught cancer you would ask “how long do I have”. But today you can ask, “Ok I understand now what is my path forward to fight this disease in the future.” Whatever or whomever you have faith in cling to it close during these times.
Agree totally with these statements.
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