Social Network after retirement

[imoldernu]

USA Today lists four "musts" for being happy after you retire:

https://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/on-retirement/articles/2017-07-27/4-necessities-of-a-happy-retirement

A social network. Next to being bored, another great retirement risk is loneliness. Part of having a successful retirement is to make sure you have people to share it with. Your working years created a social network for you. When you retire, you have to create your own social network.

Before you retire, start to think about who you might spend your time with. Perhaps you will live close to your family and spend more time with your kids or grandchildren. You could also move to a community of seniors or other retirees with similar interests. Maybe you plan to travel or maintain a second home in a vacation destination. Where you live and spend time can have a significant impact on your social network.

Does this concern you? Especially for those who are already retired. Even more, besides what you do today... travel, time with family, hobbies and interests...

What do you see in the more distant future? So many potential changes. Much to think about, like the "What Ifs".
If:
You or the kids move far away.
Social groups... Clubs, Neighborhoods, Best friends... Change.. Get younger etc.
Travel is no longer on the agenda.
Health problems, which limit movement or things you used to do together.
Lose a partner or spouse.

A little bit more...
Are you outgoing and social enough to make friends and join in activities by yourself? Your spouse?

This hits home a little bit, because for the first 25 years of our retirement, we lived in very social situations... friendships and activities were almost automatic. Retirement communities are perfect for this. Now, many of the activities are more than we want to handle. Moving to a CCRC has filled in the gap to a great extent, but I fear that if we had remained in our pre-retirement house, we would be the "old couple"...

In any case, what do you see as your social network, in your "later" retirement years? Do you envision any changes from your current situation.?

No "rights" or "wrongs", because everyone is different, but based on who you are, have you considered the social environment for your retirement?

 

[Scuba]

We have lived in the same city for 25+ years, so as long as we stay here, I think we'll always have many social connections. That is one of the major reasons we decided to RE in So CA rather than going to a lower COL place where we'd have to make all new friends. We are both pretty outgoing so not a problem to make new friends, but those relationships are often not as deep as people who've known you well for decades.

 

[razztazz]

If I didn't like to travel I'd have made an excellent hobo. A social network was the bane of my working life. I was as glad to s/can that "People talking and wanting something all the time" social crap as I was to stop working.

 

[flyingaway]

This is one of my real concerns. I'm only semi-retired, I have started to not like having interest in getting new friends. I'm afraid that I will have fewer and fewer friends when I get older, like my father did. We now have a few families to play cards with during the weekend, I don't know if they will be around in retirement.

 

[Souschef]

A social network was the bane of my working life. I was as glad to s/can that "People talking and wanting something all the time" social crap as I was to stop working.

I agree. One of the fun things I do on Facebook is to go to "Find Friends" and delete everyone of them.
I cannot believe that people want to document every boring bit of their life-Selfies, Instagram, etc.

 

[Nightcap]

Both the Unindicted Co-Conspirator and I are introverts. It's a matter of where we get our energy. Some people are energized by being surrounded by others. We can do it, but it wears us out.

This was one of my major concerns facing ER. Our social circle was almost entirely the people we w*rked with. We knew our closest neighbors well enough to wave at, but it wasn't until I put our old house on the market that I found out that the next door neighbor didn't go by his first name, he preferred "Jim." That it took me almost 25 years to learn that tells you all you need to know about my reclusive tendencies.

So as we were searching for a condo development, we made it a point to talk to other owners. We met two women working on the planter at the gate of one development - they said they were members of the Garden Club and were delighted to talk about the place. They're now two of our best friends. I can't walk out of my door to get the mail without being greeted by name by a neighbor - it's an incredible feeling. Last year, my neighbors elected me to the board of trustees, where I now serve as chair. In addition to the Garden Club, there's a Book Club and floating dominoes game and a Music Club is forming now.

I left organized religion almost a decade ago. (He never returned my calls.) A friend suggested I give the Unitarian-Universalists a try. So I attended a service at First Parish, a meeting house that has been the community center since 1700, and found that I liked the people and that atheists were welcome. We now sing in their choir.

In short, I've never had more friends or been more socially active. And I still have plenty of peaceful solitude.

 

[Red Badger]

DW and I are both introverts. As others have stated, social engagements can be fun, but draining.

I've never been big on "mandatory fun." I meet up with a couple of friends perhaps 2-3 times per month over a beer or a glass of wine. DW gets her fill from church (as a deist, my faith options are more limited).

Add to that our volunteer stuff and we can check the social activity box. YMMV

Edit; Oh yeah, this forum! I'm here most days at least for a little while....

 

[Moemg]

Since my social life was mainly with my work friends I had to make new friendships after retirement . I joined a gym and took classes so I met a lot of nice women . Gary & I got more involved with our neighborhood group and lastly I joined a book club . I am an introvert but I still needed friends .

 

[Scuba]

I agree. One of the fun things I do on Facebook is to go to "Find Friends" and delete everyone of them.
I cannot believe that people want to document every boring bit of their life-Selfies, Instagram, etc.

[emoji23]
It must be a generational thing. We are not on any of these sites. Huge time sucker from what I've heard.

 

[Scuba]

Both the Unindicted Co-Conspirator and I are introverts. It's a matter of where we get our energy. Some people are energized by being surrounded by others. We can do it, but it wears us out.



This was one of my major concerns facing ER. Our social circle was almost entirely the people we w*rked with. We knew our closest neighbors well enough to wave at, but it wasn't until I put our old house on the market that I found out that the next door neighbor didn't go by his first name, he preferred "Jim." That it took me almost 25 years to learn that tells you all you need to know about my reclusive tendencies.



So as we were searching for a condo development, we made it a point to talk to other owners. We met two women working on the planter at the gate of one development - they said they were members of the Garden Club and were delighted to talk about the place. They're now two of our best friends. I can't walk out of my door to get the mail without being greeted by name by a neighbor - it's an incredible feeling. Last year, my neighbors elected me to the board of trustees, where I now serve as chair. In addition to the Garden Club, there's a Book Club and floating dominoes game and a Music Club is forming now.



I left organized religion almost a decade ago. (He never returned my calls.) A friend suggested I give the Unitarian-Universalists a try. So I attended a service at First Parish, a meeting house that has been the community center since 1700, and found that I liked the people and that atheists were welcome. We now sing in their choir.



In short, I've never had more friends or been more socially active. And I still have plenty of peaceful solitude.

Cool story about how your life has changed. Sounds like you are really enjoying your new environment. Well done!

 

[Music Lover]

We have lived in the same city for 25+ years, so as long as we stay here, I think we'll always have many social connections. That is one of the major reasons we decided to RE in So CA rather than going to a lower COL place where we'd have to make all new friends. We are both pretty outgoing so not a problem to make new friends, but those relationships are often not as deep as people who've known you well for decades.

Same for me. I've lived in the same city for my entire life. Most of my family is here and so are friends of 30 - 40 years. Those long term friendships can't be replaced by cheaper housing or nicer weather.

If I didn't like to travel I'd have made an excellent hobo. A social network was the bane of my working life. I was as glad to s/can that "People talking and wanting something all the time" social crap as I was to stop working.

I w*rked in a large government office for my entire career. One of the advantages of having hundreds of co-w*rkers is that you meet a lot of people and eventually some of them will become friends. Many of us are now retired and still regularly get together.

 

[ikubak]

One of the fun things I do on Facebook is to go to "Find Friends" and delete everyone of them.

+1

Finally...something worthwhile to do on Facebook.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I tell my good friends (the ones who could walk into our house at any time or day and we into theirs) who have moved far away that they have ditched me. It is not easy to replace them here but at least they are still my good friends! We have had to cast the friends net a little wider here to replace them and it's not as easy as it used to be.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

We made new friends from our neighborhood and senior clubs.

 

[Cobra9777]

I was a workaholic for 25 years, so all my friends were associated with work. After 4 years of retirement, contact with them is fading... now down to 2 or 3 lunches per year and about the same number of emails. They all live about an hour away.

My social network consists mainly of immediate family that live in the area: DS, DD, their spouses, some of their spouse's family, one granddaughter, MIL and FIL. DW worked locally and retired late last year. So she has more contact with former coworkers and some other friends locally, and I've started to do things with them as well.

In my case, I'm a card-carrying INTJ, so I'm still "rehabbing" from 30 years of being uncomfortable interacting with so many people all the time. I still enjoy my alone time very much and avoid time commitments. I keep in touch with extended family and old friends via Facebook and I visit siblings and other family once a year or so. None of them live near us.

For now, that's about all the social interaction I want. I enjoy my hobbies and traveling with DW several times per year. I have lots of opportunities for volunteer work and other social activities, but so far have not participated very much. I enjoy spending more time with family, babysitting the granddaughter, helping the in-laws with stuff they can no longer do, and of course hobbies like woodworking where I can hang out in the garage for hours by myself. Life is good.

 

[Rambler]

My social network was always my company and my work. When I gave that up, and the country I was living in, my entire social network evaporated. I have very infrequent contact with any of them now...Birthday or Christmas is about it. I have a very limited social network at church.most of the guys I know thru church are 15-20 years older than me and as such have interests that have evolved to match their age (I'm 55, still very active, so we are talking about 70-75 year olds for whom "active" usually means a walk to the mailbox. My closest church friend is 59 but still working. He works from home and has some flexibility, so we go shooting together from time to time. And of course I have my best friend, DW, who is getting better but still needs observation after her health scare last year. We see our DD and DSIL about every second or third weekend...which frequency will slow when she gives birth to our first grandchild next month...they live 2.5 hours away, so with the baby, it will get harder, and, we expect that they'll move within the next 6 months as well...further away.

All of that said, I'm "friendly" with everyone. But my closest friends could be counted with 2-3 fingers on one hand, but with the exception of the guy I shoot with, I rarely see them due to distance. I get the statement about maintaining a strong social network, but unless you've lived and worked in one place for a very long time, that's pretty tough. We've not lived here long and I have zero former work buddies here.

 

[Nemo2]

If I didn't like to travel I'd have made an excellent hobo. A social network was the bane of my working life. I was as glad to s/can that "People talking and wanting something all the time" social crap as I was to stop working.

You're a lot keener on (general) social interactions than I am, but I see your point.

 

[razztazz]

If I didn't like to travel I'd have made an excellent hobo. A social network was the bane of my working life. I was as glad to s/can that "People talking and wanting something all the time" social crap as I was to stop working.

I hate to junk up the thread but this has been like a small pebble in my shoe ever since I noticed it.

The original statement should have been:

If I didn't hate to travel I'd have made an excellent hobo.

I'm sure you all got my drift but it was killing me to keep seeing it

 

[Nemo2]

I'm sure you all got my drift but it was killing me to keep seeing it

We did.

 

[googily]

My husband and I were extroverted introverts--had fun with people when we wanted to see people, but otherwise were gloriously happy just hanging out with ourselves the vast majority of the time.

When he got sick, I spent a lot of time truly frightened for my future, that I would never leave the house.

Now that I'm alone at 51, I find now that I did not quite recognize the scope of friends and acquaintances I'd be happy to spend time with whenever the extrovert feelings surface. (A lot of this is thanks to the number of people I've kept in touch with on *Facebook* -- not everyone hates it!) I still spend a lot of time by myself (no kids), but at least I know I have a lot of options when I start to climb the walls.

None of it remotely comes close to replacing him, my best buddy and person who I was so happy to just hang out with, but it does pass the time.

This might be a bit of a flag for couples who are quite happy to always spend time with each other -- be prepared that that can change suddenly.

 

[W2R]

Imoldernu provided us with this quote from the USAToday article:

A social network. Next to being bored, another great retirement risk is loneliness. Part of having a successful retirement is to make sure you have people to share it with. Your working years created a social network for you. When you retire, you have to create your own social network.

Before you retire, start to think about who you might spend your time with. Perhaps you will live close to your family and spend more time with your kids or grandchildren. You could also move to a community of seniors or other retirees with similar interests. Maybe you plan to travel or maintain a second home in a vacation destination. Where you live and spend time can have a significant impact on your social network.

This article is absolute baloney IMO.

I am probably the happiest retiree on the forum. If not, then close.

I neither have, nor want, a social network at all. F and I spend several hours together every day. Otherwise, I am alone and enjoy the solitude. We are in our 60's, and from my point of view, our time together is the perfect amount of socializing in retirement presently.

For my later years, if he should go first, I suppose I would seek out others and perhaps live in a CCRC or other senior facility. But one step at a time. I'm only 69, and feel that I am nowhere near that old yet.

 

[razztazz]

Imoldernu provided us with this quote from the USAToday article:

This article is absolute baloney IMO.

I am probably the happiest retiree on the forum. If not, then close.

I neither have, nor want, a social network at all. F and I spend several hours together every day. Otherwise, I am alone and enjoy the solitude. We are in our 60's, and from my point of view, our time together is the perfect amount of socializing in retirement presently.

For my later years, if he should go first, I suppose I would seek out others and perhaps live in a CCRC or other senior facility. But one step at a time. I'm only 69, and feel that I am nowhere near that old yet.

One reason I don't post more often is because somebody else usually says it better, first.

 

[Music Lover]

I am probably the happiest retiree on the forum. If not, then close.

I neither have, nor want, a social network at all. F and I spend several hours together every day. Otherwise, I am alone and enjoy the solitude. We are in our 60's, and from my point of view, our time together is the perfect amount of socializing in retirement presently.

Of course, it's different for everyone. I also consider myself very happy, and while I do enjoy some solitude, I chose to stay in a harsh winter climate in my retirement because of my extensive social network. I can always take a trip to get away from the cold, but I can't move and replace 30 and 40 year long friendships.

 

[kcowan]

We have made many new friends since retiring 14 years ago. The most active friendships are all under 8 years old. We are still friends with our former mates but have very little in common with them. Seeing many of them August 14 and more September 14. That will do for a while.

 

[Danmar]

We have made many new friends since retiring 14 years ago. The most active friendships are all under 8 years old. We are still friends with our former mates but have very little in common with them. Seeing many of them August 14 and more September 14. That will do for a while.

Likewise, whole new groups of friends in Alberta and Arizona. We are fairly extroverted and do enjoy being with others. Hardly see the old work crowd at all.

My in laws had virtually no friends when my FIL died this year. Very tough on my MIL and us for that matter. I do believe, and the research seems to confirm, that social interaction is important, especially in older age.