Single old babes, want to marry again?

[Zoocat]

I'm wondering if I am the only one who would rather have a bullet through my brain than a gold band on the third finger of my left hand. Marriage has just too much potential for painful legal entanglements if it doesn't work out. I won't chance that again. I'm curious about your answers to these questions.

If you're not looking to get married again, why not?

Instead, are you looking for a more casual companion or have you sworn off the other sex entirely? (I know women who have chosen to become lesbians after divorce in midlife!)

Are you comfortable with the idea of growing old as a single woman?

Are there any other issues related to these questions that you want to bring up?

 

[linkerbink]

My husband died 15 years ago when I was 44. I don't intend to marry again for several reasons. First, I can't imagine that I'd be that lucky again to find such a jewel as he was. Also, I kinda like having the house on my own terms...eat what/when I want, come and go when I want, or hibernate if the mood strikes. I'm also pretty set in my ways by now.

I've decided that the only time I feel anything close to loneliness is Christmas morning, as it would be fun to open gifts with someone. Maybe next year I'll spend the holiday with my sister...

I shudder when I read the paper and watch the news, and see all the weirdos and perverts out there, as well as those who prey on "rich old women" (tho' I don't consider myself either rich or old!). But I was able to FIRE, so I must be doing OK financially, and I want to keep it that way!

 

[sgeeeee]

I would consider getting married again, but my wife won't let me.

 

[Nords]

Oldbabe, should we merge this thread with the "Tied Down by Home/and or Pets" thread?

 

[Zoocat]

Oldbabe, should we merge this thread with the "Tied Down by Home/and or Pets" thread?

Actually, I started this thread partly in response to the topic below, "How Do you know whom to marry (or if only I had known)?" With all its emphasis on picking the "right" woman with all the desireable qualities, I think it's good to let it be known that some women might not be buying into this deal anymore. Frankly, I've heard younger women expressing the same sentiments that I feel. One woman in my neighborhood in her early 40s chose to become a single mother. She's wealthy, creative, intelligent, and beautiful, and has a lovely personality. And she's single by choice.

 

[shiny]

Oldbabe, should we merge this thread with the "Tied Down by Home/and or Pets" thread?

You're so funny!

 

[haha]

Actually, I started this thread partly in response to the topic below, "How Do you know whom to marry (or if only I had known)?" With all its emphasis on picking the "right" woman with all the desireable qualities, I think it's good to let it be known that some women might not be buying into this deal anymore. Frankly, I've heard younger women expressing the same sentiments that I feel. One woman in my neighborhood in her early 40s chose to become a single mother. She's wealthy, creative, intelligent, and beautiful, and has a lovely personality. And she's single by choice.

I agree with this sentiment. As economic reasons to be married disappear, marriage though still very popular is less and less a rational act. I doubt I would want any of these women, any more than they would want me.

If someone came along and cancelled all marriage contracts I wouldn’t be surprised if a shuffling of the deck quickly ensued.

People still marry because they have paired off for 10s of thousands of years- it's just part of our biology. Mating biology is less strong as we age, so for some of us at least, marriage which was very attractive early in life is less so later.

And that's ......the rest of the story.

Ha

 

[Moemg]

I have no interest in being married.I was widowed eight years ago .I do have a BF but have no intention of marriage in fact we got engaged and then I changed my mind .I'm financially fine and he's kind of a fluke .Fun to be with but not to share your IRA with.

 

[Zoocat]

And, of course, the other side of the question is would any old guy want to marry me? I sincerely doubt it. I am a pain in the a** sometimes. So this whole topic is probably moot!

 

[Mr._johngalt]

And, of course, the other side of the question is would any old guy want to marry me? I sincerely doubt it. I am a pain in the a** sometimes. So this whole topic is probably moot!

Good topic. How about a geezer perspective.................

My track record is not so good, and there is a lot to be said for
the single life. OTOH, I never say never, but the odds are not good.
My standards are impossibly high (for a spouse) and I am no longer
willing to work at it (courtship). The smart money says I will die a bachelor
and that does not worry me one bit.

JG

 

[Meadbh]

If you're not looking to get married again, why not?

Who said anything about again?

 

[yakers]

My Mom is 86 and in a senior home. She has a 90 yr old boyfriend. She says they're just friends.

 

[Brat]

I am married to a wonderful guy, if he should pass away I would be lonely. BUT if I built an active social life, moved into a cc community on down the line I could avoid isolation. The real question would be whether or not I would want to share my personal space and take on the responsibility of marriage. So, as great as my marriage is once will be enough.

I didn't say I wouldn't have an affair or two.

 

[Dreamer]

I am married to a wonderful guy, if he should pass away I would be lonely. BUT if I built an active social life, moved into a cc community on down the line I could avoid isolation. The real question would be whether or not I would want to share my personal space and take on the responsibility of marriage. So, as great as my marriage is once will be enough.

I didn't say I wouldn't have an affair or two.

I feel the same way, except for the affair or two! I could not even imagine going out on a date again. There are too many weirdos out there for me!

 

[Helen]

This is a really interesting thread, it's the other side of the coin for me. Being gay and in a 19 year relationship I would love to be able to marry my partner. It wouldn't make me feel any different emotionally, but I'd feel a lot better financially.

We could have survivorship rights to pensions and social security and be on one health insurance policy (her medical coverage in retirement was just nixed). We also wouldn't have to worry about estate taxes should one of us die first and we wouldn't have to worry about the $12,000 gift exclusion per year.

OTOH, if something happened to her I'm not sure if I would want to co-mingle my money with someone else. Neither my partner or I had much beyond our incomes when we first got together so our net worth has been very much a team effort.

-helen

 

[Meadbh]

I would love to be able to marry my partner.

Helen, if you and your partner hopped in the car and drove up to BC and got married......would the US authorities recognize your marriage? I guess not, eh?

 

[mountaintosea]

I'm one of those women who never married. I dated a lot into my late forties.
I had long term relationships but never with anyone I thought I wanted to marry. I didn't think that marriage had to be the end result.

I'm not concerned about being a single little ole lady because so many women who have been married end up alone anyway.

Interacting with people at work or where ever I'm at, is enough for me. I think as we get older the desire to be constantly coupled ebbs. I know that it's not for everyone but that certainly seems to be the case with me.

 

[Brat]

Helen, the difference between you and us two old babes is that we are covered by Medicare so health insurance currently isn't an issue.

Frankly I think gays should have the chance at both the responsibilities and advantages of marriage. It amazes me that people only focus on the advantages when the reality is that it comes along with even greater responsibilities, and the expense of divorce if it doesn't work out. If the gay community started talking about the responsibilities of marriage maybe the tenor of the discussion would change.

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

how good to see helen chime in because i was about to comment on oldbabe's presumption that her friends were str8 when they were married. i've never known being gay or being straight to be a decision though i have known people to live in the closet for many years. imagine 1/2 a lifetime of participation in sexual acts that do not turn you on simply to satisfy society's expectations. now imagine living your entire life like that. i'd rather society stone me to death.

i've been widowed at least once (as i later lost my best friend with whom i'd planned for years to spend the rest of our lives traveling the world, so i'll never know how that relationship might have further developed), yet not even most of my own liberal family acknowledges these losses with the same respect which they would have rendered had i been straight and had my relationships been state sanctioned. my grief diminished in their eyes.

so for helen's & my kind, it is an almost unimaginable luxury to consider getting married again in later age when we are forbidden from marrying in the first place.

were i to be lucky enough to find a 3rd amazing guy in my life i would not hesitate but to honor a lifetime commitment. but that's easy for me to say, as what are the odds of that, and as there is nothing but my own conscience to hold me to it.

 

[DangerMouse]

I'm happily married but if my husband happened to pop his clogs anytime soon I wouldn't be looking for a replacement.

I think a large part for me would be the financial aspect. We have worked so hard as a team to accumulate, it would feel like a betrayal to share the spoils with someone else. I would also be worried about loosing it all in a divorce.

As to the issue of gay marriage, put me down as a yes for making it legal. But then again I am probably a very liberal, liberal. I believe in gay rights, euthanasia and pro-choice. I hate that anyone can dictate what I can or not do to myself.

 

[Helen]

Helen, if you and your partner hopped in the car and drove up to BC and got married......would the US authorities recognize your marriage? I guess not, eh?

Well, I wish but it wouldn't be recognized. Really, unless it is recognized at the US Federal level it wouldn't help us much. The state level might help with the health insurance issue, but not for any of the other things I've mentioned.

Frankly I think gays should have the chance at both the responsibilities and advantages of marriage. It amazes me that people only focus on the advantages when the reality is that it comes along with even greater responsibilities, and the expense of divorce if it doesn't work out. If the gay community started talking about the responsibilities of marriage maybe the tenor of the discussion would change.

I have set up our investments so that if we were to go our separate ways it would be a 50/50 split financially. Our 401ks and Roth's wouldn't be split, but everything else would be (the house, taxable accounts, IBonds, savings accounts, checking accounts, and cars are all owned jointly). We also have wills, medical and financial powers of attyns setup. So for us, we wouldn't lose anything from a recognized union but we would have much to gain. As far as the emotional responsibilities, after 19 years together, I can't see any impact that a civil union would have.

I guess what it boils down to is the Government doesn't impact our relationship emotionally, only financially.

 

[Moemg]

Also mark me a yes for gay rights to marriage .I thought it was legal in Mass.?

 

[Mr._johngalt]

Was at a Mensa luncheon last week. The topic came up about finding a
partner within the organization. One guy opined........."The odds
are good, but the goods are odd!"

I'm outa here. Semper fi!

JG

 

[Joss]

I'm a married guy, 57, and I go back and forth on whether I'd seek to remarry for most all the reasons above. The much hyped "soul-mate-lover-companion-best-friend" aspects of a great marriage are certainly attractive. But the work to acheive that is immense.

So sometimes I also like the "Grouchy Old Men" model.

I really don't know which I would prefer most.

 

[FinanceDude]

I would consider getting married again, but my wife won't let me.

Touche'.................