Advice for My Close-to-Retirement Parents

[sarahsays]

My parents are going through a crisis of sorts. My dad is still working, though I don't think their finances really require it. My mom stopped working about 21 years ago (to raise myself and my sisters).

Lately she has felt (and says my dad feels the same) like she's not sure she can handle another 40 years of "this" (paying bills, volunteering, social clubs, not really having a goal to work toward).

A little about them: They don't need any help on the finances aspect and they plan to retire to Rehoboth, Delaware in the next 5 years or so. My sisters and I don't have families of our own yet (far from it). Middle sis is about to graduate from college, youngest is finishing her sophomore year in college.

I know people on this board generally have plans for their retirement, but I was hoping someone could point me towards some books I could give to my parents to help them figure out how they'll spend the next 40 years.Are there any good books about prioritizing what to do with their time now that they have more of it?

 

[Coach]

Sarah, I like What Color is Your Parachute? For Retirement, by Bolles and Nelson. Your folks might find some useful ideas in it.

Coach

 

[Jeremy]

I work with a lot of retirees, or those who are approaching retirement, and I keep this book list on hand when the question comes up:

Don’t Retire, REWIRE: 5 Steps to Fulfilling Work that Fuels Your Passion, Suits Your Personality, or Fills Your Pocket by Jeri Sedlar and Rick Miners.

Life Launch: A Passionate Guide to the Rest of Your Life by Frederic M. Hudson and Pamela D. McLean.

Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, Revised 25th Anniversary Edition by William Bridges.

Second Acts: Creating the Life You Really Want, Building the Career You Truly Desire by Stephen M. Pollan and Mark Levine.

How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free: Retirement Wisdom That You Won’t Get from Your Financial Advisor by Ernie J. Zelinski.

Too Young to Retire: 101 Ways To Start The Rest of Your Life by Howard and Marika Stone.

The Creative Age: Awakening Human Potential in the Second Half of Life by Gene Cohen, MD, Ph.D.

Now What?: 90 Days to a New Life Direction by Laura Berman Fortgang.

Repacking Your Bags: Lighten Your Load for the Rest of Your Life by Richard Leider and David Shapiro.

How to Create the Life You Want After 50 by Sara Brown Ph.D. and Joan Malling.

The Second Half of Life: Opening the Eight Gates of Wisdom by Angeles Arrien.

Looking Forward: An Optimist’s Guide to Retirement by Ellen Freudenheim.

The Power Years: A User’s Guide to the Rest of Your Life by Ken Dychtwald.

Retirement for Two: Everything You Need to Know to Thrive Together as Long as You Both Shall Live by Maryanne Vandervelde, Ph.D.

My Time: Making the Most of the Bonus Decades After 50 by Abigail Trafford.

The Third Age: Six Principles for Personal Growth and Rejuvenation after Forty by William Sadler.

 

[sarahsays]

Thanks Coach and Jeremy. I'll check these out!

 

[Walt34]

That sounds like a very good reading list. I printed it and will head to the library.

Thanks.

 

[haha]

My parents are going through a crisis of sorts. My dad is still working, though I don't think their finances really require it. My mom stopped working about 21 years ago (to raise myself and my sisters).

Lately she has felt (and says my dad feels the same) like she's not sure she can handle another 40 years of "this" (paying bills, volunteering, social clubs, not really having a goal to work toward).

A little about them: They don't need any help on the finances aspect and they plan to retire to Rehoboth, Delaware in the next 5 years or so. My sisters and I don't have families of our own yet (far from it). Middle sis is about to graduate from college, youngest is finishing her sophomore year in college.

If she feels unfullfilled or frustrated in her current role of housewife (I assume in a big city) if I were her or your Dad I would maybe question the plan to retire to the beach.

You parents, or at least your Mom, must still be fairly young since you children are all young.

Many on this board are very good at puttering around, and love it. But it sounds like your Mom may not be that type.

Always dangerous for a middle aged couple to seek therapy, but it can popint out overlooked aspects to existence.

My feelings about lifestyle books are mostly negative- they are written to be sold. Sometimes telling the truth wouldn't do much for that goal. So I heavily discount the BS between the bookcovers.

Ha

 

[Moemg]

It is interesting to me that your Mom who's been home for many years is thinking she would have a problem with retirement . I would think she would have her routine pretty set by now . Is she maybe concerned that having your Dad around will break her routine or is she just in the what else is there in my life phase ?

 

[sarahsays]

It is interesting to me that your Mom who's been home for many years is thinking she would have a problem with retirement . I would think she would have her routine pretty set by now . Is she maybe concerned that having your Dad around will break her routine or is she just in the what else is there in my life phase ?

I think that, up until the last 2 years, there has always been a kid at home (or multiple kids), which kept her busy.

She does have hobbies and social groups/clubs, but I guess, after 20 years of doing them, those too are starting to get old.

 

[rs0460a]

Sounds like they need some grandkids to take care of ...

- Ron

 

[Moemg]

I think that, up until the last 2 years, there has always been a kid at home (or multiple kids), which kept her busy.

She does have hobbies and social groups/clubs, but I guess, after 20 years of doing them, those too are starting to get old.

Maybe she is going thru empty nest syndrome ?

 

[sarahsays]

Maybe she is going thru empty nest syndrome ?

That's possible, but I still think doing some reading would help.

As far as grandkids, that's too bad. I'm the closest to it and I'm not married yet. Don't plan on kids for another 5 years or so.

 

[happy2bretired]

How about a few sessions with a lifestyle coach? Maybe to just nudge her in another direction that she hadn't considered before? I'm probably all wet, but just a thought.

 

[chris2008]

Another good read: "Get a life - you don't need a million to retire well" by Ralph Warner.
It deals more with the social aspects of how to prepare for the retirement phase than with money issues and has a lot of real life stories.
I learned a lot from it, even if I am not sure that I can implement what I have learned.