Best advice given on how to get along with your spouse/SO from others

[bbbamI]

Did anyone give you advice? If so what was it?

On our honeymoon (35+ years ago), the radiator hose went kaput. A couple picked us up on the side of the road and took us to an automotive store. When they found out we were newlyweds, they decided to share their thoughts.

We were told to treat each other like a friendly stranger...IOW, to say 'thank you', 'you're welcome' and 'please'. Show each other common courtesy everyday.

That advice has worked pretty well.

 

[MichaelB]

We've only been married for 36 years, so I'm still trying to figure this one out. Some bad advice, but none of the good kind. I know I'll get it someday. The advice I've given my kids is to make an effort to solve issues so there aren't winners and losers. Easier said than done, of course.

 

[Midpack]

Not advice per se, but two quotes that have always stuck with me...

• Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety percent of all your happiness or misery.
• A successful marriage depends on two things: 1) finding the right person and 2) being the right person.

 

[braumeister]

"Pick your battles."

IOW, whatever disagreement is currently simmering, does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? If not, why not give in and keep the peace?

OTOH, if it really, really does matter, then have a mature, intelligent argument (not abuse, that's across the hall) and work it out.

 

[MasterBlaster]

"Pick your battles."

You need to decide early on who keeps the remote control.

If you can do that the the rest is a breeze.

 

[grasshopper]

Ms G and I were having cold ones at the cafe in the resort where we were staying on our wedding day. A couple about our ages now asked why we were so lovey dovey, so we told them. The older couple than had a bottle of sparkling sent over to us, with instructions to always keep that feeling alive. Worked for 31 years so far. Of course without Ms G, would be that boomer wondering if I could ever retire.

 

[kumquat]

Don't go to bed mad.

 

[Bestwifeever]

If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

 

[Midpack]

Don't go to bed mad.

AKA 'always kiss me goodnight.'

 

[Purron]

Been married 38 years. Still love each other

Support each other during those difficult times in life. Like during the death or illness of a loved one or hard times on the job.

Have a sense of humor.

Be open and honest...but to a point. Sometimes it's better to hold back criticism or gripes until you've slept on it.

Make sure you're SO knows how much you love them. We all have a need to feel special, attractive, sexy and desired. Never let that go!

 

[rescueme]

Never received any advice. I simply did the opposite of what my parents did (who should have never been married).

BTW, 43 years for us, next month ...

 

[samclem]

From R. Heinlein:

In a family argument, if it turns out you are right--apologize at once!

I think there's quite a bit of wisdom there. And, in a similar vein, there are few words that engender as much bitterness as "I told you so." You can bet that the other party already remembers very well what was said, why rub it in? You're gonna spend the rest of your life with this person, and you'll have lots of chances to be wrong, too, so be humble in "victory." Save the "scoring points" for the office--or better yet, give it up in third grade.

 

[Semiretired2008]

Learn to not sweat the small stuff and know the difference...

 

[bbbamI]

If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

I've got the tee shirt!

 

[Amethyst]

Selective deafness. Works with teenagers, too.

Amethyst

 

[NW-Bound]

I thought only men have the tendency to develop hearing problems. Hmm... Interesting.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I've got the tee shirt!

 

[Amethyst]

Ah, I was using this technique back when my hearing was 100%. The secret is not to go, "Eh??" but to pretend I simply didn't hear the [-]annoying remark [/-]pearl of unsolicited wisdom and insight. Maybe, they think, she just wasn't paying attention.

Amethyst

I thought only men have the tendency to develop hearing problems. Hmm... Interesting.

 

[Alan]

Best advice given on how to get along with your spouse/SO from others

Don't have children.

We didn't follow that advice but have survived 36 years - on Tuesday - wow, thanks for the reminder bbbamI

 

[NW-Bound]

Never had any advice from anybody. I would not care to heed any either. Still married after 32 years.

I think we have grown to accept each other as is. We both have idiosyncrasies that are difficult to change. Get used to it, baby!

When all is said and done, we are happier to have each other around than not. That's enough, don't you think?

 

[ShortInSeattle]

“Love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is the fruit of love the verb or our loving actions. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her.”


― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

 

[ohyes]

When DH and i married (32 years ago on July 29) the Lutheran minister required a "counseling session" before he would marry us. We took some sort of written test, which supposedly showed that DH was "perfectly normal" and that i was "hostile". I will never forget the minister sharing that. DH took about 20 minutes longer on the test so i was convinced he cheated. Minister's advice was for me not to treat him like a doormat. That got my attention.

Hostile, who? me?

Living with my liberal, kind, sweet DH definitely mellowed me, while sometimes i think his living with me has made him angrier. Give some, take some.

We do make a good team and i love, love, love being retired with him.

 

[Purron]

This song always works for DH and I. Still gets us dancin'

Frank Sinatra -Summer Wind (1966) - YouTube

 

[NW-Bound]

Oh, it's time for music already?

I remember a song lyrics back in the 70s by the Carpenters, back when I met my wife.

Love, look at the two of us
Strangers in many ways
Let's take a lifetime to say
"I knew you well"
For only time
Will tell us so
And love may grow
For all we know

 

[Bestwifeever]

Oh, and let's not forget what Jenny said to Oliver:

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."