Girlfriend moving in during the next few weeks

[obgyn65]

My girlfriend is moving in with me in the next few weeks.

Is there anything from a legal and financial standpoint I should be aware of, i.e. insurance, how to mingle assets, etc. She has some financial assets, I guess up to $50,000. She is an RN, has a young daughter, and will share custody with her ex who is a surgeon.

She won't pay me any rent.

No marriage is planned, although not impossible in the future, at which stage I guess a prenup will be in order.

Happy to hear about others' experiences.

Take care

 

[Midpack]

My live in GF became my DW after about 1½ years...33 years ago and counting. No prenup either since neither of us are celebrities. YMMV

 

[heeyy_joe]

I would not co-mingle assets - at all.

It would be a good idea that she prepare paperwork that would allow you to make necessary medical decisions for her and her child. You may want to grant her that same responsibility regarding your emergency care.

 

[Texas Proud]

I think you need to look at your state laws on common law marriage...

Make sure you do not do the things that might make you considered married under those laws...

 

[omni550]

obgyn,

As someone once said, "Hope for the best, but plan for the worst". IOW, what do you need to protect yourself in the event that this relationship does not pan out...and you find out afterwards that she is going after your [considerable] assets.

omni

 

[Mulligan]

I think you need to look at your state laws on common law marriage...

Make sure you do not do the things that might make you considered married under those laws...

Very sound succinct advise! States definitely have varied laws on this matter.

 

[W2R]

Congratulations, Obgyn65! I hope that you and your girlfriend enjoy many happy years together.

Marriage and living together both seem to involve some degree of co-mingling of assets, whether common-law marriages are legally recognized or not. Still, many people are much happier when married and/or living together. Others, like Frank and I, prefer to live separately but nearby. Each couple needs to do what feels right for them.

If you are concerned about financial entanglements, then the option of living near to one another instead of living together might be worth considering. Perhaps she could buy or rent a condo in the same building as yours, perhaps even on the same floor as yours. Then you would have all the pleasures of living in close proximity without all the financial complications.

 

[Tyro]

My girlfriend is moving in with me in the next few weeks.

Is there anything from a legal and financial standpoint I should be aware of, i.e. insurance, how to mingle assets, etc.

I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV.

Yes, definitely give your insurance agent a call; GF will have to be added to your policy (or get her own) to protect her personal property in event of fire, theft, etc. and possibly (don't know) your liability for personal injury.

I'd be careful about mingling assets at this point as others have noted.

(Be sure to let us know about your first argument over money/finances. )

Check your lease/HOA agreement, etc. Some state that all adults residing in premises must be on paperwork whether paying rent or not.

While I'm not aware of any states that have palimony statutes per se, I find this:

...unmarried persons who cohabitate may be entitled to compensation based upon legal theories of joint venture and contract law. This is true in [all] states.
http://www.justanswer.com/law/3xa4f-states-recognize-palimony.html

Tyro

 

[obgyn65]

I checked and the state I live in does not recognize common law marriage.

I think marriage is a very long way away. She is still following a pretty heavy treatment for her depression after her divorce - she was quite badly treated by a super Type A, abusive guy who used to beat her up and who should have been reported to his Boards. A surgeon whose specialty I won't even mention. A real bastard.

I think you need to look at your state laws on common law marriage...

Make sure you do not do the things that might make you considered married under those laws...

 

[KB]

If you are going to have her share in any of the expenses of your household, you might consider opening a joint checking account that the two of you use to deposit and pay some expenses from. Then keep the rest of your money separate.

 

[Idnar7]

Keep in mind also with a daughter involved you will likely have some contact with the abusive ex-husband. There may be some strained time around visitation, vacations, and holidays. Can lead to stress with you and GF as well. I lived through it long ago. Hoping that was just my experience and yours will be very happy and stress-free.

 

[Rambler]

How will this change your plans for ER? Does it make a difference? How accepting of those plans is she? Will she continue to work, or will she ER with you as financial sponsor? If she continues to work, will she feel unhappy about you being retired? If she ERs on your dime, what happens when/if you split up?

I'm not an attorney and do not pretend to be one, but I certainly suggest reviewing the answers to the above questions in both the positive and the negative with an attorney (the answers will change over time...be prepared), and see if some kind of domestic partnership agreement is in order. As I recall, your stash is pretty big. If at some time in the future she has ERd on your suggestion and sponsorship, and things go sour, I would think you'd be on the hook big time if it went to court.

If she decides she doesn't want a domestic partnership agreement, or marriage, I would definitely not move her in. I realize my comments are pretty cold and hard, but if a marriage or marriage-like commitment is not there, I think you could really find yourself in trouble in some circumstances. Remember, this is the US, which I believe is the most litigious society in the world.

Finally, best of luck to you however you choose.

R

 

[haha]

What could possibly go wrong?

My fellow Americans, are we actuaries or men?

 

[Ronstar]

What could possibly go wrong?

My fellow Americans, are we actuaries or men?

Exactly. Why think of the negatives when a woman moves in? Think of all the positives.

If you keep your finances separate, and you have the common law marriage issue addressed, I can think of only a few things to address. I see insurance of her belongings as something to tackle. The daughter may pose some challenges.

I lived with my girlfriend some 30+ plus years ago with no written agreements - just shared expenses. She is now DW and all is well.

 

[freebird5825]

There are several alarm bells clanging at high frequency and amplitude in my head....but I would not presume to tell you how to conduct your personal affairs.

At a minimum, please consult your attorney, minus the GF and daughter, and explain the ENTIRE situation to him/her. Spare no detail.

My own experience? I was in a 4.5 year relationship with ex-dh2b after my husband passed. Engagement ring and everything. Our financial situations were at opposite ends of the spectrum.

There were many things that my attorney advised me on to protect myself, that sure enough came to bear when the relationship ended.
TG I listened to EVERYTHING my attorney told me to do, including a written cost share agreement including a clause that gave me the power to evict him from my home (I own it) for any reason.

I came out smelling like a rose.

 

[Nemo2]

There are several alarm bells clanging at high frequency and amplitude in my head....but I would not presume to tell you how to conduct your personal affairs.

Likewise...+1

 

[obgyn65]

I am cautious by nature. Will contact an attorney.

 

[obgyn65]

Please can you kindly send me a PM and let me know what these alarm bells are? Thank you, freebird.

There are several alarm bells clanging at high frequency and amplitude in my head....D

 

[seraphim]

I can only give you an example from Ohio law - need to research your own state - but this might might get you thinking.

1. Ohio is not a common law marriage state. Assets not in joint accounts remain individual property. So does titled property, such as a car. The difficulty starts with property: you move in together, buy furniture, and have a not so pleasant break-up. Property distribution may get handled by domestic relations court. All else is fairly straight forward.

2. You're both on a lease and want to go separate ways. But neither wishes to leave. You're both stuck with the lease and with each other. The child swings things in her direction. If it ccomes before a court because one of you does not feel safe, she and the child will probably get residential privileges. Each state is also different on residential rights if you are not specifically named on a lease. Not on the lease, and she can call the cops and have you immediately removed, in some states. Check that out as well.


Each state is different, as already mentioned. Ohio is pretty reasonable. Others aren't. Be very sure it's going to be a long term relationship. Just a couple of thoughts from someone who deals with the topic on a fairly regular basis.

 

[eytonxav]

Lets see, GF moving in; is that sufficient reason enough for you both to go off on a honeymoon before she formally moves in?

In any event, wishing you both a happy arrangement!

 

[haha]

Unless GF expects a lot of negotiations, coming up with these things after a move-in is planned may not be welcome and could throw a wrench into things.

BTW, if she has a child and is divorced from a surgeon, she must have pretty good assets and a pretty reasonable income too, without needing to do a lick of work.

Unless she had found the only broke, low income surgeon in America.

Ha

 

[Brat]

Be mindful of the child who will form an attachment to you. Please do not abandon her emotionally even if you and gf break up. She has, and will continue, go through a lot with the divorce of her parents.

 

[Richard4444]

I wish you the continued happiness that you likely have now, Obgyn, in order to have come to this decision. As the conservative investor that you are, I would suggest that you continue to be conservative thinking and check with your attorney. Having followed your posts all this time, I think you would sleep better at night having done so. May your relationship grow and prosper.

 

[travelover]

Kids cause a lot of special problems including who gets to discipline, manipulation by the kid, hassles with the ex. You "marry" the whole family, not just the woman. Tread cautiously.

 

[citrine]

When I moved in with DH, then BF, we kept things separate and each paid a share of everything. I think your GF should pay for something...otherwise it is a massive resentment waiting to happen. Definitely, do not co-mingle assets, consult your attorney, and take her lead in how to treat her child. It was a very awkward thing in the beginning when my stepsons came to visit every other weekend...but it worked out well
I am so happy for you have fun!