Do women initiate divorce more than men?

[daylatedollarshort]

That's just an "ole wives tale"

Not as common in today's equal role dual career marriages unless the husband is a redneck.

I guess all the links from my post and other current research studies on housework divisions written up in major newspapers and academic journals are all just based on old wives tales? Really? The research studies were all fabricated?

That is a rather interesting perspective.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I know of one European family in which both spouses had affairs. The cheated spouses met and discovered that they too were attracted to each other. The end result was two new marriages involving the same four people in different configurations. AFAIK they are all living happily ever after.

Someone was telling me about two couples like this that they know. In this case the cheating couple were miserable in their new marriage (trust issues... Oh, really?) while the wronged partners were happy as clams with each other.

 

[ziggy29]

Someone was telling me about two couples like this that they know. In this case the cheating couple were miserable in their new marriage (trust issues... Oh, really?) while the wronged partners were happy as clams with each other.

Trust, once broken, is hard to reestablish, even if you are willing to forgive. I've never understood running off with someone who cheated on their spouse to be with you. If they did it to their ex, why do you think they won't do it to you?

 

[haha]

I've never understood running off with someone who cheated on their spouse to be with you. If they did it to their ex, why do you think they won't do it to you?

You're way more cool?

Ha

 

[ziggy29]

You're way more cool?

Also known as "This time it will be different."

Which to me suggests recalling the definition of "insanity" as doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.

 

[Walt34]

I've never understood running off with someone who cheated on their spouse to be with you. If they did it to their ex, why do you think they won't do it to you?

That's why I dumped a girl I was dating a very long time ago. Found out she was cheating on her then "steady" and figured the same thing. "Sayanara, honey."

 

[robnplunder]

As we get older, men become more dependent on their spouses to baby sit them? OTOH, IMO, women become tired of putting up with their men. How many women in this forum feel this way now?

 

[W2R]

I wouldn't touch this question with a 10 foot pole!

All I can tell you is that I have been happily divorced for 16 years, that I initiated it despite no cheating having occurred, that my ex seems happy too now that he has adjusted a bit, and that I still adore and appreciate men tremendously.

My companion Frank and I spend a lot of time together and think the world of each other, but I see no reason to ever re-marry.

 

[eytonxav]

, but I see no reason to ever re-marry.

Not even for tax reasons

 

[W2R]

Not even for tax reasons

Not worth the financial entanglements!

 

[haha]

Not even for tax reasons

That would be letting the tax tail wag the life dog.

Parenthetically , I have noticed several distinct personality types on this board. I believe that W2R, and I, are in the camp of "I came, I saw, I decided and that's good enough for me". Some others appear to me to be optimizers.

I have lot of case closed files in my mind. Why would the same person go over the same question over and over? Unless the external environment has markedly changed, and human nature never or at least rarely does change markedly, then you go with your previously established precedent.

Re marriage, young people are plagued with what we older people romantically call "falling in love", which has also been described by neuroscientists as temporary insanity. In no other area of life is insanity frequently praised.

Ha

 

[Amethyst]

Meanwhile, some older ones appear to be plagued by "staying in love." I guess that amounts to chronic, lifetime insanity!

Still, I know what you are talking about. I had an SO when I was quite young and was totally bonkers about him. He could do no wrong, even when I knew he was wrong! Anyway, by happenstance I saw him a few years ago, and while he is still quite handsome, I am mystified why I ever thought I'd want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have nothing in common, and probably never did.

Amethyst

T
Re marriage, young people are plagued with what we older people romantically call "falling in love", which has also been described by neuroscientists as temporary insanity. In no other area of life is insanity frequently praised.

Ha

 

[haha]

On the marriage topic, I have never understood why anyone who understands human nature including his or her own imperfection would ever volunteer to get huge penalties for doing what human nature urges from time to time- have sex with other than one's own spouse. Except of course, in a condition of temporary insanity like I mentioned above.

Ha

 

[haha]

Meanwhile, some older ones appear to be plagued by "staying in love." I guess that amounts to chronic, lifetime insanity!

Still, I know what you are talking about. I had an SO when I was quite young and was totally bonkers about him. He could do no wrong, even when I knew he was wrong! Anyway, by happenstance I saw him a few years ago, and while he is still quite handsome, I am mystified why I ever thought I'd want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have nothing in common, and probably never did.

Amethyst

I think older people who are in love are doing great, but there is a risk that a given couple might not have this outcome. Meanwhile, their necks are in the noose while this issue is playing out one way or another..

Ha

 

[modhatter]

I can understand infidelity and how it can happen. During my marriage years, I was twice smitten by someone else. I resisted with all my might, and ultimately remained faithful. But if I were around either of these two people on a continuous bases (say I worked with them and was around them day after day) I don't know if I would have been able to resist forever. Will never know.

Of course it was more lust than anything else, even though I could say I did love my husband. So, I believe it is human nature. Just cause we marry, the lust gene doesn't go to sleep or die. We just try hard to control it. Some are more successful than others. And some don't even try.

On the other hand, my husband was married when I met him and cheated on his wife with me. I was not planning on getting so involved, but I did. I later found out, I was not the only one, so when he wanted to marry me, I resisted saying, if you cheated before, you will cheat on me. I got the classic. "No, never. It is different with you. I love you like I have never loved anyone else." Well, I married him, and you know how the story ended.

 

[frayne]

TMI !

 

[Al in Ohio]

I guess all the links from my post and other current research studies on housework divisions written up in major newspapers and academic journals are all just based on old wives tales? Really? The research studies were all fabricated?

That is a rather interesting perspective.

Three links from the World Wide Web? There's lots more out there that would contradict that. Instead of three old articles you dug up lets try one published just today:

http://www.dispatch.com/content/sto...ly-involved-in-child-care-survey-reveals.html

Or this interesting fact regarding how your type of career matters more than whether your male or female:


http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/422129/Men-that-work-around-women-do-more-housework

Here's another couple you'll find interesting

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...ing-new-survey-men-really-ARE-tidier-sex.html

http://blogs.momaha.com/2011/12/8232/

 

[aja8888]

About 10 years ago, I had two young Indian (from India) mechanical engineers, freshly out of college, working for me (recently assigned). Both were single at the time. Within 6 months on the job, both had new wives sent to them from proud parents in India. I wonder how those gigs work for the long run?

 

[modhatter]

About 10 years ago, I had two young Indian (from India) mechanical engineers, freshly out of college, working for me (recently assigned). Both were single at the time. Within 6 months on the job, both had new wives sent to them from proud parents in India. I wonder how those gigs work for the long run?

I heard a lecture once from a PHD who studied this subject and wrote a book about it. He said it was the commonality between two people. The more they held the same beliefs and came from similar backgrounds, the more apt they were to have a successful marriage. He listed the similarities up on a blackboard, numbered 1 to 10. I can't remember the order of them now (according to importance) but it seemed like common sense. I remember a funny analogy he made about it was much better in terms of sustaining a marriage if two druggies married each other, as opposed to one taking drugs and the other one didn't.

Arranged marriages are supposed to be picked by family according to similarity of families and religious beliefs. That part is good, but it is never a guarantee of kindness and character. Unless the family knows the other family well.

 

[haha]

I know a native born US Anglo woman who married an Indian Engineer out of college. They lasted 15 years, and had a successful child. But within 6 months of their divorce, the Indian man's parents in India found him an Indian bride, and he married her. They now have two children themselves. My friend has become very friendly with the new wife, and she (my friend, or old wife) says the new couple appears to be far happier than the mixed marriage ever was. Although that could perhaps be laid at other causes- like my friend might be hard to take long term.

Ha

 

[FinanceDude]

I've always thought Einstein had a good point with this quote:

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”

I agree 500 million % on that.....

 

[FinanceDude]

On an aside, I would not marry again if DW and I split. So I guess I am not like most men. Long marriages (or marriages at all) no longer seem to be a big deal. 3 of my friends have their kids living in SO "arrangements", 2 of them have 1 or more kids together, no talk of marriage or engagement, just "living life"...........

If the young people of today place so little value on marriage, maybe its not that big of a deal anymore??

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Three links from the World Wide Web? There's lots more out there that would contradict that. Instead of three old articles you dug up lets try one published just today:

Today

Or this interesting fact regarding how your type of career matters more than whether your male or female:


Men that work around women do more housework | UK | News | Daily Express

Here's another couple you'll find interesting

Are men REALLY doing more housework than women? According to a new survey, men really ARE the tidier sex | Mail Online

More dads embracing role as primary childcare provider | Momaha Blogs

All but one of those links do not address the topic of husband versus wife housework hours when both husbands and wives work, and the one that does looked more like a PR stunt from some obscure job board looking for publicity than actual peer reviewed research studies.

You can have the last post. I am done posting on the subject. The actual research from credible sources, such as the comment listed below based on research from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, is all online for those interested in reading more about the topic.

"In June of this year, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that the "second shift" is still a problem. Only 20 percent of men reported helping out with housework (such as cleaning and doing laundry), while 48 percent of women said the same. And while 39 percent of men said that they helped out with food preparation and cleanup, 65 percent of women said that they regularly prepared meals. In Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg points to this second shift as a serious blockade to women's progress, encouraging women to stop being "maternal gatekeepers" and encourage their partners to take on greater responsibilities at home."

From -

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/...that-havent-changed-since-1911_n_3606537.html

 

[Chuckanut]

It can happen if you don't let jealousy get in the way, particularly when the divorces were amicable and by mutual agreement.

+1

If the problems were strictly between the two people in the marriage, then time can often heal the wounds. But, if infidelity is involved, it's a entirely different ball game.

 

[modhatter]

All but one of those links do not address the topic of husband versus wife housework hours when both husbands and wives work, and the one that does looked more like a PR stunt from some obscure job board looking for publicity than actual peer reviewed research studies.

You can have the last post. I am done posting on the subject. The actual research from credible sources, such as the comment listed below based on research from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, is all online for those interested in reading more about the topic.

"In June of this year, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that the "second shift" is still a problem. Only 20 percent of men reported helping out with housework (such as cleaning and doing laundry), while 48 percent of women said the same. And while 39 percent of men said that they helped out with food preparation and cleanup, 65 percent of women said that they regularly prepared meals. In Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg points to this second shift as a serious blockade to women's progress, encouraging women to stop being "maternal gatekeepers" and encourage their partners to take on greater responsibilities at home."

From -

4 Women's Issues That Haven't Changed Since 1911

I certainly agree that is the way it used to be, and was with me, but I'm older. I was under the impression that things were starting to even out, or at least hopeful of it.

This was a big problem when I was married, especially as I was the main bread winner. One day I finally said "enough" and went on strike. I refused to clean or even wash another dish. After using every dish in the house, and the kitchen beginning to smell a little dodgy, and we had no more clean clothes to wear. My husband finally comes to me and says. "OK, fine, you take that side of the house and I'll take the other side."

About 20 minutes passed, when my husband comes marching into the bathroom where i was cleaning, and throws the dish towel down on the floor, and says to me. "This is for the birds. Get a maid." So, I did. Within a week we had a live in maid.