I feel queasy writing about this because it feels like it should be kept private, but I need to vent and that FIRE thing we all have in common is really an important part of this.
[Heavy sigh] Thanks for letting me vent.
I hear you. We have a similar problem.
DW brother and sister-in-law just skating by on low income. The brother had been a real help with DW's mother before she died. The wife was going to community college so she could get an LPN and increase her income a little. Could they borrow some money for a few months until she got the certificate?
Sure, hundreds of dollars per month for a few months while she's in school, we can do that. Well, she got seriously ill (hospitalized) and dropped out of school. Back into the job market in 2009, can't find a job. BIL is working for a long time friend, who drops dead of a heart attack. No job and no unemployment insurance. BIL is a hard working guy who gets back to work, part time at first, eventually full time. SIL, not so much. She decides to apply for SS disability. Long wait for decision, and then no ....
We're finally starting to do the traveling I had been looking forward to. Trip to Hawaii one year, cruise the next. We look rich to them.
Eight years later. BIL has had a full hip replacement (ins covered medical costs, but we replaced his income), and had surgery for prostate cancer (same story). And, somehow they never were able to make it on just his income while he was working. And, my wife can't say no to her baby brother, who really is a nice, hard-working guy who has been unlucky in life (except that the wife was, IMO, poor judgement, not bad luck).
We're into this for six figures. Fortunately, we never paid for really big medical bills. But, that money was my retirement travel budget! If I had a time machine, we would have said "We want to see your actual spending every month" I finally pushed for that, they got into more arguments about money, and she has filed for divorce. I'm breathing a little easier, but I don't think we're done with this.
As you can see, I've got no good advice. Just taking my chance to vent.