This is a somewhat tangential question, but is your niece talented academically? If so, and if your assets are such that you could start providing support to her soon, you might want to consider discussing with her/her mother the possibility of helping to pay for her to go to a good prep school (preferably one that offers boarding). It would not only give her a leg up academically, you might be helping her in other ways to distance herself from what sounds like a somewhat dysfunctional home environment.
final wishes dilemma - willing assets to a 13 year old
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OldShooter
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Excellent! OP: you may want to investigate a 529 college tuition plan for her. Lots of options there and probably more beneficial to her than money someday.
workburnout
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They'd never allow her to go to boarding school. She's in 7th grade now (her birthday is a little past the cutoff). She is making all A's, though that was not always the case. They are sending her to a public school which is rated highly. She says she wants to go to Harvard but I don't think she will. She's smart but not that smart. I'd never say that to her of course.
I could throw that idea out there, about the private school maybe starting in 9th grade, and see what they say. They are on a trip, so now is not a good time to ask, but will ask when they get back.
I could throw that idea out there, about the private school maybe starting in 9th grade, and see what they say. They are on a trip, so now is not a good time to ask, but will ask when they get back.
workburnout
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Thanks. I have a 529 plan for her already.
workburnout
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I called my mother today to see if she wanted to go in with me on paying for the private school. My mother has the money to send her, and would gladly pay half the bill.
She said she already tried and my sister would not allow it, and insists on sending her to public school. I asked why and my mother said my sister said she "can't keep up with those rich folks" and is afraid my niece will feel bad not having as much money.
To me and my mother both, that seems a very odd thing to say. First, my sister is not poor, she is middle class living in a big city, with all incomes living around her. From millionaires to housing projects - all right there. It is extremely diverse with incomes and people living there.
Second, the private schools in the area they'd consider do not have all rich kids, some are poorer on scholarships.
If I had to guess, this has something to do with her husband's wishes.
Or, my sister would not have turned down my mother's offer to pay 100 percent of her daughter's private school.
It makes no sense.
workburnout
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I just spoke with a trusted friend who knows my sister and the situation going on.
He said the reason my sister won't allow my mother to pay for private school, is due to race. It had not occurred to me that had anything to do with it. My sister is white, and her ex was white, so my niece is also white. Her husband is black.
My mother is very conservative and never was crazy about the fact my sister married a black man, though now she does not say anything about it. My mother's husband feels similarly. When they grew up, in the south, it was taboo and just was not done often.
Even though my mother would never have said anything about race to my sister when she offered to pay for private school years ago, my sister's husband would have taken it to mean public school wasn't good enough since there are more blacks than private schools around their area.
The whole thing is ridiculous because this has nothing to do with race. The public school is 70 percent minority races and 30 percent white. The private schools vary but are anywhere from I'd say 10-20 percent black and the rest white and other non-black races.
I could care less about the race issue, and it had not occurred to me until my friend brought it up. It's the quality of education that matters. My niece already has friends of many different races and is used to being around diversity, in her liberal church, city choir she's in, and other social activities.
My friend says my sister, who is very into social causes such as the "Black Lives Matter" protests, gay rights (has taken my niece to several gay pride parades), etc, would think that private school having fewer blacks would be a bad idea. There are even some very liberal private schools yet still she sees more whites and fewer minorities and thinks that's bad.
Unfortunately it makes no logical sense to me, to keep my niece from private school due to there being fewer minorities than public.
However, there's nothing I can do. The public schools in her area are good. The private schools in her area are better, academically.
My nieces brings up how much she wants to go to Harvard, and my sister says great, and encourages it. Yet, she won't allow her daughter to go to private school, which would increase her chances of getting into a better college. Maybe not Harvard, but likely better than if she stayed in public school.
My friend brought up that she's not my kid and there's nothing I can do. My sister makes the decisions and that's true.
It is sad my mother said she made the offer years ago, several times throughout the years, to pay for private school. My sister turned down her offer - I did not realize it until I asked today.
My sister's husband has always been antisocial in that he rarely goes to any family gatherings - making excuses. He never has made an effort to get to know anyone in the family, other than my sister and his stepdaughter (my niece).
He said the reason my sister won't allow my mother to pay for private school, is due to race. It had not occurred to me that had anything to do with it. My sister is white, and her ex was white, so my niece is also white. Her husband is black.
My mother is very conservative and never was crazy about the fact my sister married a black man, though now she does not say anything about it. My mother's husband feels similarly. When they grew up, in the south, it was taboo and just was not done often.
Even though my mother would never have said anything about race to my sister when she offered to pay for private school years ago, my sister's husband would have taken it to mean public school wasn't good enough since there are more blacks than private schools around their area.
The whole thing is ridiculous because this has nothing to do with race. The public school is 70 percent minority races and 30 percent white. The private schools vary but are anywhere from I'd say 10-20 percent black and the rest white and other non-black races.
I could care less about the race issue, and it had not occurred to me until my friend brought it up. It's the quality of education that matters. My niece already has friends of many different races and is used to being around diversity, in her liberal church, city choir she's in, and other social activities.
My friend says my sister, who is very into social causes such as the "Black Lives Matter" protests, gay rights (has taken my niece to several gay pride parades), etc, would think that private school having fewer blacks would be a bad idea. There are even some very liberal private schools yet still she sees more whites and fewer minorities and thinks that's bad.
Unfortunately it makes no logical sense to me, to keep my niece from private school due to there being fewer minorities than public.
However, there's nothing I can do. The public schools in her area are good. The private schools in her area are better, academically.
My nieces brings up how much she wants to go to Harvard, and my sister says great, and encourages it. Yet, she won't allow her daughter to go to private school, which would increase her chances of getting into a better college. Maybe not Harvard, but likely better than if she stayed in public school.
My friend brought up that she's not my kid and there's nothing I can do. My sister makes the decisions and that's true.
It is sad my mother said she made the offer years ago, several times throughout the years, to pay for private school. My sister turned down her offer - I did not realize it until I asked today.
My sister's husband has always been antisocial in that he rarely goes to any family gatherings - making excuses. He never has made an effort to get to know anyone in the family, other than my sister and his stepdaughter (my niece).
workburnout
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I found a lawyer experienced who does them, through a referral. She said I need a spendthrift trust. Said I must have a trustee like a company or person. I am contacting Bank of America to see about getting them to be trustee.
I don't know if there are better trustees or what the difference in cost would be if I researched using different banks or credit unions.
If anyone has thoughts on this, let me know.
I don't know if there are better trustees or what the difference in cost would be if I researched using different banks or credit unions.
If anyone has thoughts on this, let me know.
Dash man
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Check several banks or trust companies and check out their fees and what terminology they require in the trust document. Have your attorney review the terminology. Use your attorney as a Trust Protector who can fire a Trustee if they are not abiding by your wishes as stated in the trust or mismanage it in any way. Make sure the beneficiaries know how to get in touch with the attorney. Use an legal firm and not a single attorney.
Our living will spells out every thing. The details do not leave question to anything including our death wishes, beneficiaries, power of attorney, medical issues, on and on. It's a pretty thick book.
Word of mouth about the attorney to use was important to us. We asked a lot of people for references. The cost for ours was $1000, but we can rest assure our wishes will be carried out and if one of us is left behind, well that's what a living will is...for the living. Our trustees have copies and know where everything important is.
Word of mouth about the attorney to use was important to us. We asked a lot of people for references. The cost for ours was $1000, but we can rest assure our wishes will be carried out and if one of us is left behind, well that's what a living will is...for the living. Our trustees have copies and know where everything important is.
workburnout
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I was under the impression the attorney would be able to be trustee but apparently that's not the case. This one said I must have a trustee. I don't know how to do that except look on the internet for one.
It's frustrating not having anyone I can trust to be trustee, other than some older people who I will likely outlive.
I guess I will hire a stranger and take my chances.
I'm uncomfortable with it but have no better option.
It's frustrating not having anyone I can trust to be trustee, other than some older people who I will likely outlive.
I guess I will hire a stranger and take my chances.
I'm uncomfortable with it but have no better option.
OldShooter
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Coincidentally it was announced this morning that a guy named Richard Thaler had won the Nobel Prize in economics. I am somewhat familiar with his writings. One of his points is to differentiate between "homo economicus" and "humans." Homo economicus always makes logical decisions in his own best interest. Humans do not.
His very accessible book "Nudge" is worth a read.
OldShooter
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
If the attorney is not helping you locate and select a trustee you need a different attorney. He/she is not a specialist despite whatever you may have been told.
workburnout
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My friend who knows the situation said that my sister will go on like nothing happened when she had her issue/blowup the other day. It does not occur to her she's done anything wrong, with that or anything regarding the private school situation.
In her mind she's doing all the right things.
He's right, nothing I or anyone else says, other than her husband, will change things.
I remember when I was growing up, I wanted to go to private school and looking back it would have benefited me. My father could afford it, and we even went to several information sessions at private schools, yet he decided it was not worth it and instead bought a lot of expensive luxury items we did not need, and had expensive parties at our fancy house at the time, with hundreds of friends. All those luxury items are gone now, he barely has any friends left, and he's broke. Long story.
If my sister had gone to private school, likely her outlook and entire life would be different and likely more reasonable than it is now.
It irritates me to see people throw opportunity away - so many families would love the opportunity my niece has. My sister is throwing her opportunity away before my niece has the chance to realize what's going on. Or maybe she does realize it, that I don't know for sure and won't ask my niece, not at this age. Maybe when she's an adult we can discuss it but by then it will be too late for her to go to private school.
In her mind she's doing all the right things.
He's right, nothing I or anyone else says, other than her husband, will change things.
I remember when I was growing up, I wanted to go to private school and looking back it would have benefited me. My father could afford it, and we even went to several information sessions at private schools, yet he decided it was not worth it and instead bought a lot of expensive luxury items we did not need, and had expensive parties at our fancy house at the time, with hundreds of friends. All those luxury items are gone now, he barely has any friends left, and he's broke. Long story.
If my sister had gone to private school, likely her outlook and entire life would be different and likely more reasonable than it is now.
It irritates me to see people throw opportunity away - so many families would love the opportunity my niece has. My sister is throwing her opportunity away before my niece has the chance to realize what's going on. Or maybe she does realize it, that I don't know for sure and won't ask my niece, not at this age. Maybe when she's an adult we can discuss it but by then it will be too late for her to go to private school.
workburnout
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I am confused. If I call a local credit union tomorrow, I believe I would ask them to be the trustee. However, could they also be the executor or do banks/credit unions not usually do that? How can I hire a professional person, not a friend or family member, to handle everything once I die?
Dash man
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
You need to find out if the Credit Union has a Trust Department. Most banks do, but not many credit unions I’m aware of. An attorney can be executor but not a trustee. Especially if you use them as a Trust Protector which I highly recommend.
Perhaps your sister's husband felt a "vibe" that he was not welcome at family functions.
You can never get fully into other relationships. What something looks like from the outside is not always so. Dynamics are hard to read. You offered help. They declined. I'd drop the issue.
Plenty of students get into Harvard & Ivies from public schools
You can never get fully into other relationships. What something looks like from the outside is not always so. Dynamics are hard to read. You offered help. They declined. I'd drop the issue.
Plenty of students get into Harvard & Ivies from public schools
Brat
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Is your niece's father in her life?
Consider: https://www.fidelity.com/managed-accounts/personalized-portfolios/personal-trust-services
Consider: https://www.fidelity.com/managed-accounts/personalized-portfolios/personal-trust-services
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workburnout
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Online, there are many articles saying banks or attorneys can be hired to be executor. However, when I tried calling a few attorneys and banks, they all say they don't do that.
If anyone knows a link or site to find a way to hire an executor, that would be helpful.
If anyone knows a link or site to find a way to hire an executor, that would be helpful.
Brat
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Make an appointment with a Fidelity representative and explore their services.
If you really want to give most to you niece that is a minor and I'll assume that you don't want all the inheritance being public, I would suggest talking with an estate/elder law lawyer. You likely need a living trust to set things up while your alive and have it convert to an irrevocable trust upon your death. You could move your house (if you have one) into the trust now and it could be disposed of after your death. Your investment accounts could be TOD to your trust and IRA have the beneficiary designations go to the trust (this part may not be the best tax planning). This way few assets would pass by will/probate. This way if your niece is still a minor at your passing, your trust can control the distribution over time in a manor you specify.
I would search trust services on google. I did that here and a few local banks came up and some financial advisory firm... all that are well known for that service. You would have to find something either near you or your niece.
I'm in the middle of re-planning our estate plan. Find a good lawyer and take some time reading on estate planning.
I would search trust services on google. I did that here and a few local banks came up and some financial advisory firm... all that are well known for that service. You would have to find something either near you or your niece.
I'm in the middle of re-planning our estate plan. Find a good lawyer and take some time reading on estate planning.
workburnout
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I think what I'll do is this:
Tomorrow when banks open, call a local branch of one I deal with already, and see about going in to talk about using them as trustee.
As for executor, my mother could do it for a few years, but she is older and likely to either die or get Alzheimer's within 5-10 years, if not sooner. We both have the double risk factor gene, where we all will likely get Alzhemiers in our 70's or 80's, if a cure or vaccine is not found. Maybe not, but chances are greater than 60 percent based on genes.
I have a distantly related responsible cousin in her 50's who might be willing to serve as a backup if my mother became incapacitated or died before I did.
I could ask her, though I'm not sure if she'd say yes or not.
First I am going to see what the bank has to say about what's involved with them being a trustee.
After about 25 years, I'd likely change the executor to be my niece, as she'd be in her late 30's by then.
I could keep the bank the trustee at that time.
My distant cousin actually lives 2 miles from me with her family, though we don't see each other too often as she's busy with her teenage sons and husband. He always seemed to be responsible, and she runs the house, not him. So I'd feel comfortable she'd do what I wanted if she agreed to the job as executor.
I think if I named my mother as first executor, and she knew she'd only need to step in if my mother could not do it, she might be more likely to accept.
Tomorrow when banks open, call a local branch of one I deal with already, and see about going in to talk about using them as trustee.
As for executor, my mother could do it for a few years, but she is older and likely to either die or get Alzheimer's within 5-10 years, if not sooner. We both have the double risk factor gene, where we all will likely get Alzhemiers in our 70's or 80's, if a cure or vaccine is not found. Maybe not, but chances are greater than 60 percent based on genes.
I have a distantly related responsible cousin in her 50's who might be willing to serve as a backup if my mother became incapacitated or died before I did.
I could ask her, though I'm not sure if she'd say yes or not.
First I am going to see what the bank has to say about what's involved with them being a trustee.
After about 25 years, I'd likely change the executor to be my niece, as she'd be in her late 30's by then.
I could keep the bank the trustee at that time.
My distant cousin actually lives 2 miles from me with her family, though we don't see each other too often as she's busy with her teenage sons and husband. He always seemed to be responsible, and she runs the house, not him. So I'd feel comfortable she'd do what I wanted if she agreed to the job as executor.
I think if I named my mother as first executor, and she knew she'd only need to step in if my mother could not do it, she might be more likely to accept.
OldShooter
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
The executor's job is to gather assets and distribute them as instructed in the will, including whatever assets you might be putting into a trust. When that is done, the executor's job is done. So, a few months max. Often faster.
Please get thee to a good lawyer; you are overthinking a lot of this.
Dash man
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There is also filing a final tax return, probating the will, selling assets, settling disputes between beneficiaries...can last a year or more.
Brat
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Here is what I recommend. Go to an estate attorney an create a revocable living trust, you as grantor trustee and another person you trust as reserve trustee. In that trust you designate how it's assets will be disbursed after your death, even described how the trust assets should be managed after your death. You can name the trust as the beneficiary of your IRAs. Change the title of all your other significant assets to the name of the trust.
Personally I have more confidence in Fidelity's trust management services than that of a bank. I have met bank trust managers, they are nice honest people but they are subject to the bank's investment priorities. Have you ever been solicited by your bank to invest in one of their products? I listened to one try to sell me and demurred.
A revocable living trust becomes irrevocable once the last grantor trustee has died. If that happened before you were required to withdraw MRD's it all becomes taxable income TO THE TRUST the year that you die. Roth $ gross value isn't taxable at the time of your passing, don't know if it remains a roth when managed by a trust. Otherwise the trust, I believe, can continue to grow subject to the MRD schedule in place. Keep in mind the fact that as long as your trust has assets someone will need to file a tax return for that entity and pay taxes on that income [been there, done that]. One of the advantages of the likes of Fidelity is they have a lot of experience with that stuff.
Personally I have more confidence in Fidelity's trust management services than that of a bank. I have met bank trust managers, they are nice honest people but they are subject to the bank's investment priorities. Have you ever been solicited by your bank to invest in one of their products? I listened to one try to sell me and demurred.
A revocable living trust becomes irrevocable once the last grantor trustee has died. If that happened before you were required to withdraw MRD's it all becomes taxable income TO THE TRUST the year that you die. Roth $ gross value isn't taxable at the time of your passing, don't know if it remains a roth when managed by a trust. Otherwise the trust, I believe, can continue to grow subject to the MRD schedule in place. Keep in mind the fact that as long as your trust has assets someone will need to file a tax return for that entity and pay taxes on that income [been there, done that]. One of the advantages of the likes of Fidelity is they have a lot of experience with that stuff.
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