Mr. Money Mustache Divorce Blog Post

[Mr. Tightwad]

I had 50/50 custody of my girls and I still paid child support.

More proof how family courts treat men.

 

[Denverite]

Did you know flight attendants have the 5th highest divorce rate among occupations? I realize you didn't marry, just pointing it out.

Question: When your child lived with you 4th grade to college, did you still have to pay the mother child support?

There is wisdom in your post, but we differ on the "trick". Sure a work ethic goes a long way. But any male who will listen, I explain to them that marriage is absolutely something to never do. What MMM is going through I wouldn't wish on any guy.

Since this is a retirement board, the "older" crowd it attracts, will have experiences that do not support my advice. But what the people here have to realize is, the world has changed. I probably would have gotten married as well, if this was the 60's or 70's. The world used to be a place where you could get married and stay married. Those days are over.

For example, the most current trend is for the woman to claim "she's afraid". Once this is on record, the police/judge act accordingly. Supervised visitation to your kids, restraint orders, you get to communicate in an app to document your dialogue, to determine if your "abusive", etc

All of that on top of child support, alimony, court fee's, etc.

No thanks, I think I will tell any who shall listen what could happen, the minute she decides she's "unhappy".

Some sad truths in that post Tightwad. Have you seen this documentary? It is enough to make any man think twice about marrying in today's world:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2636456/

True story: I took a woman in Denver out to dinner during the holiday season (this was many years ago), and after dinner we decided to drive through an upscale suburb to look at the holiday lights.

After driving past one nicely decorated house, she said (under her breath, but I heard it clearly) "you'd have to divorce a guy with a lot of money to get a house like that."

Needless to say, that was a short lived relationship.

 

[Amethyst]

Sheesh, it sounds exactly like something I'd say, and then laugh. Can't imagine saying it seriously, or a man so humorless he would think I was serious.

Then again, I only went on dates with men who recognized that I had a sense of humor, and who liked me for it. Either you were laughing during every conversation with me, or you were getting nowhere.

True story: I took a woman in Denver out to dinner during the holiday season (this was many years ago), and after dinner we decided to drive through an upscale suburb to look at the holiday lights.

After driving past one nicely decorated house, she said (under her breath, but I heard it clearly) "you'd have to divorce a guy with a lot of money to get a house like that."

Needless to say, that was a short lived relationship.

 

[audreyh1]

Thank God I'm happily married and that my husband doesn't see me as a gold digger.

 

[Dtail]

I had to pay alimony and child support. I understand the child support aspect, but believe that the alimony laws are dated for my former situation.
We both had full time jobs with myself earning multiples of her earnings, but her earnings could clearly support one person with a nice life. So why should she continue to receive monies to try and even the lifestyle when we aren't together anymore?

I could understand alimony payments if the spouse was a full time stay at home spouse and doesn't have the necessary skills to get back into the marketplace.

 

[Amethyst]

I think alimony is dated, period. The whole idea puts me off. And child support should be on both parents, just as child-rearing and child-minding should be.

 

[Denverite]

Sheesh, it sounds exactly like something I'd say, and then laugh. Can't imagine saying it seriously, or a man so humorless he would think I was serious.

Then again, I only went on dates with men who recognized that I had a sense of humor, and who liked me for it. Either you were laughing during every conversation with me, or you were getting nowhere.

That point assumes the other person enjoys the same type of "humor" that you apparently do. In this day and age, I personally don't find the suggestion of divorcing your spouse for the purpose of personal financial gain to be funny. I actually find it sad since it actually does happen. I've observed it repeatedly with friends who have gone through a divorce.

 

[Amethyst]

Oh, it does, of course! But that's usually how I ended up getting asked out. I made him laugh, he made me laugh, and we decided it would be fun to spend more time together. I mean, I suppose if someone confessed early on that he was just getting over a horrible divorce, it would be a cue not to make divorce jokes. But it might also be a clue that he was too gun-shy to date.

And it works both ways: If his "humor" offended me, that was a non-starter, too. We could have a whole thread about things that some people think are hilarious, and others cringe at.

Here's another illustration: An older man of my acquaintance was a widower - twice. When he met another lady who liked him a lot, he told her she should be afraid of marrying him since it seemed like it didn't work out so well for the women! She thought it was funny, and they've been married for quite a while now. But Someone Else might think he was Making An Inappropriate Joke.

That point assumes the other person enjoys the same type of "humor" that you apparently do.

 

[Carpediem]

I think alimony is dated, period. The whole idea puts me off.

Couldn't agree more! My 27 year marriage ended in 2013. I am paying $1200/mth for 8.5 years (6/2021). It very well could have been lifetime support had it gone before a judge. The only thing that makes me feel better about it is that I had agreed to $2400/mth for 12 years with the stipulation of no COLA adjustment during 'mediation'. But she wouldn't agree to the no COLA so the whole thing fell apart and the useless mediation process ended without an agreement.

I then fired my useless attorney (provided my megacorp's legal plan) that I used in mediation and hired one who knew what they were doing. The ex-spouse eventually had to agree to the current arrangement.

 

[hausfrau]

As far as retiring early, I could see it being a problem if you have diverging interests. Suddenly you have a lot of free time to think about how unhappy you are.

 

[pj.mask]

Yea I don’t get alimony either - I mean, I could get a higher paying job and more future demand if we move - but our location, and as a result my career path, is driven by my higher earning SO. So I work my lower pay job and help out more around the house. If we got divorced I would be in a worse position (financially considering future earnings) as a result of that sacrifice so that we (combined) were in a better financial situation. Maybe arguable if we took all that joint increased earnings and saved it and was immediately able to retire - but assuming we were an average couple who spent most of it and now I have 25 years left working at a lower rate as a result...

I mean, it seems most of these divorce topics are a showcase of being self centered: thinking you should benefit from your partners contributions throughout your marriage but also get to keep 100% of your earnings.

Marriage is a financial agreement. One of Ester Perel’s books would say the change from expecting your spouse to be a partner to being partner+love of your life+best friend leads to disappointment and the thought that you can casually divorce and find something better.

We keep 100% separate finances and I’m fine with that because 1) I don’t need as much to be happy and 2) we will both likely have money left over and it will all go to the kids.

 

[dvalley]

After SHE cheated and caught an STD (found all this out much later even though at the time she swore otherwise) and SHE filed for divorce...the no-fault state court ordered me both alimony and child support even with the 50/50 custody. I can understand child support (if the money is really being used for the intended purpose) but alimony for a cheating spouse (after splitting my savings/assets with her down the middle)? luckily I was under the 10yr mark so I only paid it for a few years. After 10yrs you're on the hook for it until the end of your/her life...unless she remarries. She never did and prob never will because few 45+ guys would be dumb enough to remarry lol. Most younger guys are also foregoing it now because of the divorce penalty.

 

[dvalley]

I think alimony is dated, period. The whole idea puts me off. And child support should be on both parents, just as child-rearing and child-minding should be.

Funny, I've heard that from so many divorced women that I've dated that I started asking 'so did you forgoe the alimony in your dirvorce' Not a single one!

 

[Music Lover]

As far as retiring early, I could see it being a problem if you have diverging interests. Suddenly you have a lot of free time to think about how unhappy you are.

Maybe diverging interests allows a couple to do their own thing. Perhaps the biggest threat is suddenly spending all day with someone after years/decades of being apart for 8 - 10 hours 5 days a week while working.

 

[Dtail]

After SHE cheated and caught an STD (found all this out much later even though at the time she swore otherwise) and SHE filed for divorce...the no-fault state court ordered me both alimony and child support even with the 50/50 custody. I can understand child support (if the money is really being used for the intended purpose) but alimony for a cheating spouse (after splitting my savings/assets with her down the middle)? luckily I was under the 10yr mark so I only paid it for a few years. After 10yrs you're on the hook for it until the end of your/her life...unless she remarries. She never did and prob never will because few 45+ guys would be dumb enough to remarry lol. Most younger guys are also foregoing it now because of the divorce penalty.

Adding that most child support calculations include a large portion for housing, but most likely the house used to support the child(ren) is the same as before the divorce. Thus in many cases, the child support amount is typically more than the actual child expenses.

My marriage lasted 24 years, but the Ex didn't insist on lifetime alimony, so I got "lucky" there. With lifetime alimony, one might have to continue paying until natural retirement age, even though they retire early.

 

[kgtest]

Was at a holiday party and folks were comparing there daughters divorce fees.



In the Midwest a 2 year divorce was over at $150,000. In California another parent was stating there daughter's was over $250,000 and going on 4 years.


I see why people wait until the kids are in college. or just never divorce lol. You could literally buy another home for the price of some of these divorces...and many do indeed lose the primary home just paying the lawyers fees.

 

[Amethyst]

Interesting. I don't know any divorced women who get alimony, or got it in the past. Or any men, for that matter. Generally there is a hassle over "buying out" or selling the house, and a kerfuffle over custody/child support; but alimony just seems so...I dunno...old-timey, like cigarette holders or something.

Funny, I've heard that from so many divorced women that I've dated that I started asking 'so did you forgoe the alimony in your dirvorce' Not a single one!

 

[Dtail]

Was at a holiday party and folks were comparing there daughters divorce fees.



In the Midwest a 2 year divorce was over at $150,000. In California another parent was stating there daughter's was over $250,000 and going on 4 years.


I see why people wait until the kids are in college. or just never divorce lol. You could literally buy another home for the price of some of these divorces...and many do indeed lose the primary home just paying the lawyers fees.

My divorce cost 20k and the process lasted 10 months.
Paid cash alimony for 6 years ($44,400 yearly) plus the house which was worth a net 7 more years of alimony.

 

[dvalley]

My divorce cost 20k and the process lasted 10 months.
Paid cash alimony for 6 years ($44,400 yearly) plus the house which was worth a net 7 more years of alimony.

You did great on the $20k. If I add up the cost of assets, alimony, lawyer fees, child support etc. It's around $250k. I would've been much closer to FIRE if it wasn't for that. I was married for 9yrs, together 12yrs.

 

[aja8888]

Interesting. I don't know any divorced women who get alimony, or got it in the past. Or any men, for that matter. Generally there is a hassle over "buying out" or selling the house, and a kerfuffle over custody/child support; but alimony just seems so...I dunno...old-timey, like cigarette holders or something.

Alimony payments depend on state laws and whether the spouses are employed and at what income levels.

My divorce in California in 1994 with two pre-teen daughters in the mix cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars and set me back 15 years in retirement planning. BTW, I ended up with the two daughters to raise at ages 14 and 16.

She fell for "another guy" and he didn't take her bait and left her after a year. She passed away dead broke and living in a falling down house with 10 years of back taxes unpaid. Sad for her, but this stuff happens and I paid her a "ton" of alimony and put the girls through college on my own after she stole the saved college money.

We were married for almost 15 years and both made each other laugh early on.

 

[Dtail]

You did great on the $20k. If I add up the cost of assets, alimony, lawyer fees, child support etc. It's around $250k. I would've been much closer to FIRE if it wasn't for that. I was married for 9yrs, together 12yrs.

Agree on the 20k, but effectively gave away 500k of wealth with the alimony plus more some division of assets. Wasn't thinking about ER back then, but still.......

 

[ivinsfan]

As I type this there are 48 users viewing this tread. It's a trainwreck, between the almost gleeful bashing of MMM a man none of you have ever met, to the misogyny and the my EX was a B*, to the completely unfounded comments that MMM wife got sick of his penny pinching.

It's the one of the most depressing and small minded threads I've read in a long time. I know it's not really representative of most posters here, but I have to wonder about the herd mentality of the piling on.


Just sad IMO....

 

[dvalley]

Alimony payments depend on state laws and whether the spouses are employed and at what income levels.

My divorce in California in 1994 with two pre-teen daughters in the mix cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars and set me back 15 years in retirement planning. BTW, I ended up with the two daughters to raise at ages 14 and 16.

She fell for "another guy" and he didn't take her bait and left her after a year. She passed away dead broke and living in a falling down house with 10 years of back taxes unpaid. Sad for her, but this stuff happens and I paid her a "ton" of alimony and put the girls through college on my own after she stole the saved college money.

We were married for almost 15 years and both made each other laugh early on.

Sad...karma exists sometimes but it's still hard to feel any joy from someone's misery especially someone who was once special. Thanks for sharing that.

 

[tulak]

Ouch. I feel for those paying a lot.

Ex-DW and I were able to agree on everything, including keeping divorce expenses low. We ended up with a quickie divorce for about 1k. I realize we’re definitely outliers in this regard.

 

[Amethyst]

The thread evidently touched a fiery pain nerve in some. Perhaps the posters feel a little better after letting off steam.

It's the one of the most depressing and small minded threads I've read in a long time. I know it's not really representative of most posters here, but I have to wonder about the herd mentality of the piling on.


Just sad IMO....