Poll: Gravesite or not?

[youbet]

We thought we'd go the cremation and scatter the ashes route. Then we had a few experiences with relatives or friends passing that changed our minds.......

DW's brother passed, was cremated and his ashes scattered in a beautiful mountain meadow near a sibling's home in the Vail, Colorado area. Nice. But after a couple of years, My DW, and even her sister on whose property the ashes were scattered, felt they wanted some place more specific to visit to remember their brother. We wound up buying (at no small cost!) a commemorative brick on a memorial wall at his alma mater (the same school I attended BTW). So now, from time to time at homecoming weekends, etc., we visit the wall. DW likes it. Therefore it works for us.

My best friend died a couple of years ago. We were tight buddies since we were 4 years old and true kindred spirits. He was cremated and his ashes scattered at Solder Field and Sox Park in Chicago where he held season tickets and was a big fan. But after a year or so, his son (my Godson) decided to use one of the spaces in the family plot for him and had a marker put in despite the fact no physical material (ashes or body) was there. I have lots of family at the same cemetery and when visiting enjoy the fact I can walk over and "say hello."

And there are some additional examples, less related, I won't bore you with.

Sooooo...... Given the fact there is a family plot, DW and I have decided we'll have markers and be there with the rest. If no one knows or cares a generation or two down the road, it won't matter to us....... we're dead. If someone likes to take the family tree and walk around and see the names on the graves, that's fine too.

 

[RetireeRobert]

. Given the fact there is a family plot, DW and I have decided we'll have markers and be there with the rest. If no one knows or cares a generation or two down the road, it won't matter to us....... we're dead. If someone likes to take the family tree and walk around and see the names on the graves, that's fine too.

To a large degree, it really is about the living, those left behind.

 

[youbet]

To a large degree, it really is about the living, those left behind.

Absolutely. We don't believe it will make a difference to us. So it's a consideration of what we think the kids, grand kids, relatives, friends would like. And if nobody ever visits or even knows your remains are there, so what?

 

[Ian S]

Combine aspects of the Tibetan Sky Burial and donating the body to science and you get how they do it in Texas!

 

[foxfirev5]

Hopefully the old 7 Mile Bridge in the Keys will be restored before I'm gone. Whoever is interested can drop me off the side. Even with the trip it should be cheaper than a traditional funeral. However DW does not share my dreams. We'll discuss it later.

 

[JRon]

Traditional burial here. Plots are bought and paid for and headstone is already in place - with exception of end dates (I checked). Funeral home all paid for and funeral plans all made down to what bible readings to use. Our kids know all that and daughter’s family already has plots purchased near ours (purchased early to bury daughter who died before birth). Wasn’t cheap so I’m glad it’s all taken care of.

 

[ncbill]

Prefer cremation then scattering, though I'm sure DW would inter me instead.

If she went first (not bloody likely) I'd do whatever her parents want...if they're deceased, cremation plus internment at their family plot.

As much as I hate to think about it, if any of the kids go first they'd be cremated and probably interred in a military cemetery.

 

[Midpack]

Ashes scattered on the waters where I last sailed, been in our will/trust since 1994.

 

[mountainsoft]

Traditional cemetery burial. After my husband died I bought the plot next because who knows if it will be available in the future.

My mom and step-dad bought side-by-side burial plots. When he died and she remarried, she bought the adjoining plot on the other side. Now both husbands are dead and buried, and mom's spot is still waiting in the middle...

 

[Car-Guy]

My instructions are to have me cremated and save the metal parts in me for scrap metal (two hips joints, some stainless steel stuff in my left shoulder, three dental implant threaded inserts, a gold post in one tooth (that may melt), a plate and four screws in my left forearm and a rod in the other arm bone. I think that's all (for now).

Are really "Steve Austin" using the forum name aja8888 to disguise your real identity? (a.k.a. Lee Majors) better known as the 6 Million Dollar Man.

I know he lives in the Houston Area (like you) and I know he's about your age (by some of your posts) and you have a lot of the same replacement parts (like he did in the TV series)...

But seriously, ... Sounds like you have had some tough breaks (no pun intended). Sorry to hear it.

 

[skyking1]

A very timely question, as I dug a hole just this weekend for my mother's ashes, under a strong Young oak tree. Some of them had been scattered a few other places but the most of it's going to be there on what was her home from 1952 to 2009.
I voted cremation and scatter. I think I will give vague instructions as to where like " somewhere in the Cascade mountains". That way whoever is tasked with the duty can make it a picnic anywhere they want to go.
I have scattered many ashes from the airplane over the years. I created a device just for the purpose. It's a big funnel so people can go out with whichever beverage chaser they prefer!

 

[Green Papaya]

We told our kids that we want to be cremated. Both my parents wanted same. Our kids have their own careers in various parts of the countries so there will be no guilt if they forget to visit.

 

[brett]

What is there to visit?

An urn full of ashes?

A steadily decaying lifeless body in a box?

Once I am dead why would I care? Why would I even know?

My parents both pre-made their own arrangements. Cremation and scattering of ashes.

No expansive anything and we were to stick to it. All monies to be used for the living, not the dead. They were very specific. They could afford any type of burial they desired.

So...the funeral home director/salesperson started to give me all this flannel about nice coffins, what my loved one deserved, yada yada yada. All the usual patter. I refused to even go into the sales area. I told him to deliver exactly what each parent had contracted for and to forget all the BS.

As far as I was concerned he could make his margins on some other deceased's family. He was not particularly happy with me.

We both plan to do exactly the same. Life is for the living, not the dead.

 

[Nick12]

Some families splurge and pay a builder to construct a maseoleum to bury their loved ones. It is not cheap.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I was impressed when I asked my parents about their wishes. Dad looked at me like I had three heads and said "Why would I care? I'll be dead."

I pressed him a bit and he finally told me to scatter his ashes in Jamaica Bay where he used to fish. Much later when Mom was going, she had the same reaction, then finally told me to put hers in the same place.

They had both grown up during the Depression, so I thought they would have a more traditional attitude, but I felt they made a good choice.

My parents were the same. No memorial services (traditionally speaking but did have a get together for both of them) and direct cremation. Ashes were combined and spread in a few places. Still have "some of them" and they reside with all of the furry critter cremains we have acquired through the years. It's just as they wish; simple and cheap.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

That's a broad assumption banned for life. Disney plays an important part in peoples lives and no surprise their final resting place is at the happiest place on earth.

OK, perhaps overly broad...but I wouldn't risk it. There are lots of articles/etc. that mention the possibility of a ban and I have seen a good number of examples for people being banned for lesser "evils." My point...if WDW is important to your family, then don't put them in the position of possibly being banned because you want you ashes scattered there.

 

[brett]

Some families splurge and pay a builder to construct a maseoleum to bury their loved ones. It is not cheap.

We have visited a number of these sites. They are interesting. Havana, Buenos Aries, Paris, etc.

In some cases they are closed up. Some have glass doors. You can see the coffins one racks on above the other. Some have candles lit in them. On some, the coffins are upright. Lots of interesting and very different sizes and styles of buildings.

But.....we have no desire to be parked in one after death, or visit a relative than happens to be stacked in one of these.

 

[Gumby]

You could become a tourist attraction.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catacombe_dei_Cappuccini

 

[wmc1000]

I voted other. We have gravesites - bought 2 in Fort Wayne, Indiana, (a BOGO deal! ha ha), after we were first married but we haven't lived in that area since 1986 so they won't get used by us.

We both want cremation with no fancy caskets or services unless our kids are set on doing that.

Anybody want 2 adjoining plots in Covington Memorial Gardens at a great price?

 

[athena53]

Some families splurge and pay a builder to construct a mausoleum to bury their loved ones. It is not cheap.

My Ex's Uncle did that. First wife died early of cancer and had a morbid fear of being buried underground. I saw it after the funeral of his mother since she was also laid to rest there. It was said to see some in the area that had not been well-maintained and had been vandalized. I know some places charge a large amount up front for care in perpetuity to prevent that.

 

[FrankiesGirl]

I have no kids, and may be getting divorced soon and no close family.

So this just makes me double sure of my original plans: donate body to be used for learning/teaching hospitals, or body farm. If none of those options are available, cremate and dump on the nearest rose bush or plant in a "memorial garden" that is for this purpose (disposing of ashes that have no one to specify). Whatever is easier for whomever ends up being my executor.

 

[RetireeRobert]

OK, perhaps overly broad...but I wouldn't risk it. There are lots of articles/etc. that mention the possibility of a ban and I have seen a good number of examples for people being banned for lesser "evils." My point...if WDW is important to your family, then don't put them in the position of possibly being banned because you want you ashes scattered there.

Not sure how much risk there would be to scattering ashes at Walt Disney World (or Disneyland). Seems you would be able to bring in a small container or bag of ashes in one's handbag or daypack without "border guards" stopping you and confiscating or denying you entry. And probably opportunities to unobtrusively empty the contents of that little container. Maybe while riding one of the rides? Maybe while sitting on a bench after eating a bagged lunch? If an empoyee happened to see you empty the meager contents, would they really haul you off to the tribunal and pronounce "permanent ban"?

That said, my wife and I have side by side burial plots at a local cemetary, so our kids will not be faced with possiby violating any Disney edicts, or the shame of a permanent ban from Disneyland!

 

[kcowan]

Mom in a grave in 1970
Dad joined her in 2000
Big brother cremated in 2009 and urn buried beside Mom
Cat #1 in an urn in Mexico 2015
Cat #2 in an urn on the mantle in Vancouver 2018
MIL in 2008 spread under planted tulips in Vancouver park
DW pending ashes spread in 2 locations
Me pending ashes undecided, maybe waters in front of family cottage and Mexico, nothing put in writing.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Not sure how much risk there would be to scattering ashes at Walt Disney World (or Disneyland). Seems you would be able to bring in a small container or bag of ashes in one's handbag or daypack without "border guards" stopping you and confiscating or denying you entry. And probably opportunities to unobtrusively empty the contents of that little container. Maybe while riding one of the rides? Maybe while sitting on a bench after eating a bagged lunch? If an empoyee happened to see you empty the meager contents, would they really haul you off to the tribunal and pronounce "permanent ban"?

That said, my wife and I have side by side burial plots at a local cemetary, so our kids will not be faced with possiby violating any Disney edicts, or the shame of a permanent ban from Disneyland!

Read up on it. Don't take my word for it...I am just a stranger on the internet. There are cameras EVERYWHERE on the property, especially in/on the rides. The only place you could do this and not risk being caught is the bathrooms. It's widely known that if someone does this and it's noticed, at MINIMUM, the ride is SHUT DOWN while it's cleaned up which isn't very nice for those that paid a significant amount of money to visit the park. I have more to say about this, but in the interest of being nice, I will just shut up about it.

 

[rodi]

Some more thoughts.

My brother broke from family tradition and requested to be 'buried in high country' in a plain pine box. This was at the end of his battle with cancer and he lived in the Rocky foothills... So we had to research and found a cemetery in Estes Park, CO. When they were figuring out what to do as far as casket they were pushing very fancy caskets. He pretty much died broke - with the little left over going to his church. My sister accidentally flipped to the back of the casket catalog and found a very inexpensive 'plain pine box'... Turns out it was a cremation box. Turns out there was no reason it couldn't be used... So it was closer to a biodegradable burial since the casket would decay.

BIL recently passed. Again - he knew it was coming because of cancer. He had prepaid most of his expenses. When he found out it was $500 just to open the family columbarium to put his ashes in with his parents he balked. So his ashes are scattered at his favorite spot in Pennypack Park per his wishes.

MIL and FIL prepaid their expenses - so they thought. When FIL died it turns out there were a LOT of additional expenses. Also - the cemetery/funeral home poor record keeping due to management changes. DH had to produce the original contract (which he had, fortunately.) Learning from that DH (MIL's legal guardian) has prepaid everything for her final resting. Buying a plot and cremating are only small parts of the process. There was an additional $3000 in 'stuff'. (Like the above mentioned $500 for opening to put in the ashes. ) Both contracts are kept in our safe deposit box. As management changes - that contract is our only proof that everything should be paid for already.

It's big business.

(And confirms my choice to donate to medical school... )