Rambler
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2007
- Messages
- 2,488
My sis is like this except she doesn't smoke. She and her WDH had all the toys, huge flat screen TV, etc. Declared bankruptcy when she found she couldn't pay for it. In the meantime she came down with breast cancer. Now, I had a chat with my dad, and gave him some money to pass along to her (saying it was anonymous). When he found out all the luxuries she was enjoying, and bragging aabout how she no longer had to pay for it because of bankruptcy, he just about blew his fuse. He told her he had a donation for her, but that he was not going to give it to her. She had to write and specifically state what it would be used for (like a cancer treatment) before he would forward a check.
Now, I don't think there is a need to kick people when they are down, and I don't really see that going on here. But, we (the people of this board) have worked and saved hard. Some of us had to dig ourselves out of a hole, some have made better choices along the way and thereby missed out on that experience. So, as I said, no kickin 'em when they are down, but let them be down a bit and figure out what they need to do to dig out. Sometimes it does mean bankruptcy, and thereby losing ability to use credit for 7 years. That is not a bad thing, it is a good thing. It is not kicking them when they are down. In my sister's example, I can say that I love her, but for me to extend a $30k loan (or more) so she didn't have to declare bankruptcy is not showing any love. (give a man a fish and he eats for a day...teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime, if he is not too lazy to fish). Sis is now doing better, and has a much better understanding of her responsibilities. I will not let her or her kids starve, but I know that if I just send money when she says she needs it, she'll have another toy, a Wii, a PS3, a new TV, whatever, and then she'll be back for more. She needs to learn that shelter and healthy food are the priorities and that the toys come later when she has saved for them.
Why should my dad, at 72, go back to work so she can eat all the fast food she wants, when he takes a PBJ for lunch (when he was working or volunteering)? Why should I tack on a few more years of work so I can support her bad habits (including health and spending), not be able to FIRE myself, or lose my own health in the process?
Teach responsibility to the kids while they are young...if it doesn't take, teach them with tough love later on, I say!
Now, I don't think there is a need to kick people when they are down, and I don't really see that going on here. But, we (the people of this board) have worked and saved hard. Some of us had to dig ourselves out of a hole, some have made better choices along the way and thereby missed out on that experience. So, as I said, no kickin 'em when they are down, but let them be down a bit and figure out what they need to do to dig out. Sometimes it does mean bankruptcy, and thereby losing ability to use credit for 7 years. That is not a bad thing, it is a good thing. It is not kicking them when they are down. In my sister's example, I can say that I love her, but for me to extend a $30k loan (or more) so she didn't have to declare bankruptcy is not showing any love. (give a man a fish and he eats for a day...teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime, if he is not too lazy to fish). Sis is now doing better, and has a much better understanding of her responsibilities. I will not let her or her kids starve, but I know that if I just send money when she says she needs it, she'll have another toy, a Wii, a PS3, a new TV, whatever, and then she'll be back for more. She needs to learn that shelter and healthy food are the priorities and that the toys come later when she has saved for them.
Why should my dad, at 72, go back to work so she can eat all the fast food she wants, when he takes a PBJ for lunch (when he was working or volunteering)? Why should I tack on a few more years of work so I can support her bad habits (including health and spending), not be able to FIRE myself, or lose my own health in the process?
Teach responsibility to the kids while they are young...if it doesn't take, teach them with tough love later on, I say!