. With all the talk on these boards about diversifying and risk/return relationships, I can’t believe this one isn’t really discussed. For married men out there in a position similar to mine (who are sole providers), it appears to me that the risk of loss from current family and marriage law trump all of the other ER risks combined (especially when ER is just about to start and assets and income are both high) and there seems to be no answer (suitcases of money and archipelagos aside). Had I realized this, I may have searched for a way to have a lifetime relationship with my spouse without involving the state. [/quote]
Glad you and DW are resolving the more time together issue. Maybe that alone will go a long way in changing attitudes and perspectives for both of you. It is a real compromise on the part of DW to your stated needs. Hold onto this thought.
DW's fear of your getting counselling, period, is troublesome, if you want to assess risks. I would suggest you still get counselling for yourself and be upfront with DW about it.
There seems to be a whole mismatch of attitudes about money, what women's roles "should be", and men's roles "should be" between you and DW. And perhaps in attitudes about "marriage counselling". You and DW need to let each other know what your attitudes are in each of these areas--money, women's roles, men's roles. A counsellor can help immeasureably in this process.
Still sounds like you remain obsessed with your "state-brokered" marriage interfering with your (not your wife's) ER plans. That is, you fear for your ER.
There is *FEAR* percolating on both sides here.
You can take a step forward by getting counselling yourself and being upfront with DW about it. Hold onto the fact DW HAS made a compromise, she has taken a step forward, on the more time together issue.
You and DW need to deal with the FEAR in your changing relationship.
Both of you step forward again and face the fear.
Maybe you two can get to the point where you will want to renew your marriage vows, in front of God, family, friends, and the whole world.
Good things take hard work. They aren't free.
Time to go to work. Good luck.