FelipeA
Dryer sheet aficionado
Hi,
I'm 22 and recently shared my financial goals with my girlfriend of about a year, I told her I've started gaining some momentum and I'm excited about aiming to save 80% of my income while I finish college. I showed her my investment accounts (under 50k then) and encouraged her to open an account and begin saving.
Since that, we broke up as we deeply don't trust eachother. We talk off and on till one day she blocks my number for having a cute girl at my house, she calls the next day calls me saying she's been looking into laser eye surgery but doesn't have enough to cover it without pulling out of her emergency fund. She mentions that my parents bought me laser as a gift so she wants to know if I can gift her 2000 for half of that till she can pay me back with financial aid money in September. I genuinely consider it and come to think it ridiculous when she knows how frugal I am and that she already cash has enough saved for it if she needs it. She can simply wait till December and do it without debt. I feel she's starting to think my money is her money.
She moves the loan down to 1000 and I say no, I've made my mind clear about not "loaning" her money, if I did give her money it'd be a gift, not a business loan. So I ask her about what the interest on the "loan" she had in mind was. She flips and tells me it's disgusting for me to consider charging her interest. She's in debt to her dad, her aunt, and the government(student loans) already with no intention to pay for several years till her full-time engineering job.
She accuses me of being so cheap and uncaring, she'd give me the money if I needed it, she's given me so much and she expects the same care back. Looking at mint, I realize she's my largest expense most months because we cook and travel together and I cover most of that. This has been a unique relationship for me in that I never fully trusted her as she would hide important details about her life and lie about them. I smelled a manipulation attempt as I've treated her well, listened, massaged, cooked, and helped her feel like a uniquely amazing, special woman, my frugality was her only complaint. She ends up getting her ex-boss she's dating to "loan" her funds.
In my gut I feel like I dodged a bullet. Same feeling of loss from a break up but more relief.
My questions is- How do I deal with revealing/hiding my wealth to lovers and friends when they are in debt or haven't begun saving? And how do I screen for people who'd otherwise be chill becoming golddiggers when they find out about my beginning wealth?
I feel awkward hiding things and I love teaching people yet don't want the resentment or financial predators that come with having begun accumulating wealth.
Thank you for your help,
-Felipe
I'm 22 and recently shared my financial goals with my girlfriend of about a year, I told her I've started gaining some momentum and I'm excited about aiming to save 80% of my income while I finish college. I showed her my investment accounts (under 50k then) and encouraged her to open an account and begin saving.
Since that, we broke up as we deeply don't trust eachother. We talk off and on till one day she blocks my number for having a cute girl at my house, she calls the next day calls me saying she's been looking into laser eye surgery but doesn't have enough to cover it without pulling out of her emergency fund. She mentions that my parents bought me laser as a gift so she wants to know if I can gift her 2000 for half of that till she can pay me back with financial aid money in September. I genuinely consider it and come to think it ridiculous when she knows how frugal I am and that she already cash has enough saved for it if she needs it. She can simply wait till December and do it without debt. I feel she's starting to think my money is her money.
She moves the loan down to 1000 and I say no, I've made my mind clear about not "loaning" her money, if I did give her money it'd be a gift, not a business loan. So I ask her about what the interest on the "loan" she had in mind was. She flips and tells me it's disgusting for me to consider charging her interest. She's in debt to her dad, her aunt, and the government(student loans) already with no intention to pay for several years till her full-time engineering job.
She accuses me of being so cheap and uncaring, she'd give me the money if I needed it, she's given me so much and she expects the same care back. Looking at mint, I realize she's my largest expense most months because we cook and travel together and I cover most of that. This has been a unique relationship for me in that I never fully trusted her as she would hide important details about her life and lie about them. I smelled a manipulation attempt as I've treated her well, listened, massaged, cooked, and helped her feel like a uniquely amazing, special woman, my frugality was her only complaint. She ends up getting her ex-boss she's dating to "loan" her funds.
In my gut I feel like I dodged a bullet. Same feeling of loss from a break up but more relief.
My questions is- How do I deal with revealing/hiding my wealth to lovers and friends when they are in debt or haven't begun saving? And how do I screen for people who'd otherwise be chill becoming golddiggers when they find out about my beginning wealth?
I feel awkward hiding things and I love teaching people yet don't want the resentment or financial predators that come with having begun accumulating wealth.
Thank you for your help,
-Felipe
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