Cancer sucks!

[kgtest]

OP what you do don't agree to be her trustee, nothing by trouble for you in that job. Don't feel uneasy about the money a trustee will take from the estate, you had nothing to do with creating this problem with the EX...

She has actually decided to lean on my sister as the trustee which is probably best. Ex2 gets my blood boiling at even the thought of having to interact. Haven't seen him in 3 years and i'd like to keep it that way.

I have passed along all of this helpful info and it looks like before she talks to the attorney this weekend her initial train of thought is now one trust, worded so each child gets distributions at age 30.

I'm not sure if that is best, but hopefully she will have a thoughtful discussion around her personal situation with attorney.

Sis is feeling better after that collapsed lung and latest development is now surgeon eval of liver next week. Chemo alone will not win this fight.

 

[Dash man]

She has actually decided to lean on my sister as the trustee which is probably best. Ex2 gets my blood boiling at even the thought of having to interact. Haven't seen him in 3 years and i'd like to keep it that way.

I have passed along all of this helpful info and it looks like before she talks to the attorney this weekend her initial train of thought is now one trust, worded so each child gets distributions at age 30.

I'm not sure if that is best, but hopefully she will have a thoughtful discussion around her personal situation with attorney.

Sis is feeling better after that collapsed lung and latest development is now surgeon eval of liver next week. Chemo alone will not win this fight.

I suspect the lawyer will point out that distributions at 30 for three children of different ages is difficult to administer in one trust. Fairness is difficult this way. He/she will likely recommend separate trusts to evenly split proceeds initially to be fair. She may also consider allowing access to funds to pay for college or some other education.

 

[ivinsfan]

She has actually decided to lean on my sister as the trustee which is probably best. Ex2 gets my blood boiling at even the thought of having to interact. Haven't seen him in 3 years and i'd like to keep it that way.

I have passed along all of this helpful info and it looks like before she talks to the attorney this weekend her initial train of thought is now one trust, worded so each child gets distributions at age 30.

I'm not sure if that is best, but hopefully she will have a thoughtful discussion around her personal situation with attorney.

Sis is feeling better after that collapsed lung and latest development is now surgeon eval of liver next week. Chemo alone will not win this fight.

Why do you and your ill sister think it's OK to expose your other sister to possible abuse from the evil ex...in fact since she is a woman she could get harassed even more. I strongly suggest you get a third non related party for this thankless task.

As young as these kids are expect the custodial parent the wacky Dad to petition endlessly for everyday expenses and such. They are minor children and as their guardian he will be able to pester the crap out of the trustee if he is so inclined.

 

[mystang52]

Why do you and your ill sister think it's OK to expose your other sister to possible abuse from the evil ex...in fact since she is a woman she could get harassed even more. I strongly suggest you get a third non related party for this thankless task.

As young as these kids are expect the custodial parent the wacky Dad to petition endlessly for everyday expenses and such. They are minor children and as their guardian he will be able to pester the crap out of the trustee if he is so inclined.

+1 I'm with Ivinsfan.

 

[Dash man]

Why do you and your ill sister think it's OK to expose your other sister to possible abuse from the evil ex...in fact since she is a woman she could get harassed even more. I strongly suggest you get a third non related party for this thankless task.

As young as these kids are expect the custodial parent the wacky Dad to petition endlessly for everyday expenses and such. They are minor children and as their guardian he will be able to pester the crap out of the trustee if he is so inclined.

I have to agree. The sister can be an executor, but the trust may best be managed by a trust firm. We have USAA set up to manage our trusts. We also have a clause in the trust AND the will explicitly leaving out anyone who challenges our trust or will.

 

[gayl]

totally agree with a disinterested 3rd party as trustee. Mine states that grandkids have to have graduated college if getting it b4 25. That would keep a user X out of it (STBx DIL). Also has a clause that it passes in equal % if a beneficiary dn survive to that point. not sure about wording, Schwab had a box to select

 

[joeea]

I am curious and we have an attorney we can and will ask, but I wanted to hear if from the choir. What would you do to protect money intended for heirs from one of the heirs father's who has a history of negative financial actions?

Hopefully this attorney is an estate attorney. If not, get a recommendation for one.

A good estate lawyer can set up a trust to handle things appropriately and help choose a trustee (you?) to carry them out as directed.

Having everything go to one 13 year old child out of three is not a good idea at all.

(sorry about your sister. Best wishes to all.)

 

[kgtest]

I have to agree. The sister can be an executor, but the trust may best be managed by a trust firm. We have USAA set up to manage our trusts. We also have a clause in the trust AND the will explicitly leaving out anyone who challenges our trust or will.

Solid point Dash man!

 

[f35phixer]

Amen to that. Honestly at one point in the divorce I thought my sis was going to end up on Dateline. It was bad, lots of cop calls. I think the stress played into this, she was a healthy gal ran track throughout high school and college, never smoked and just a very occasional drinker, not overweight.

She always had visions of ER, I feel terrible about her situation, two divorces and a bunch of legal fees later, she finds out she has cancer. Divorce was finalized about two months ago.

I can only imagine her view on ER has changed to just staying positive.

;-( Just stay strong for your sis !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[ivinsfan]

I have to agree. The sister can be an executor, but the trust may best be managed by a trust firm. We have USAA set up to manage our trusts. We also have a clause in the trust AND the will explicitly leaving out anyone who challenges our trust or will.

That's a fine line too, if the wacko Dad insists the children have urgent daily needs that could be met by the trust is that a challenge or simply petitioning the trustee in an emergency. As young as these kids are cutting them off until 30 might cause them some real hardship.

 

[Dash man]

That's a fine line too, if the wacko Dad insists the children have urgent daily needs that could be met by the trust is that a challenge or simply petitioning the trustee in an emergency. As young as these kids are cutting them off until 30 might cause them some real hardship.

That’s why working with an experienced estate attorney is so critical.

ETA: Communicating with the attorney what your end result wishes are and letting them explain how to achieve it is better than walking into an attorney’s office and saying you want a single trust.

 

[Newventurer]

That's a fine line too, if the wacko Dad insists the children have urgent daily needs that could be met by the trust is that a challenge or simply petitioning the trustee in an emergency. As young as these kids are cutting them off until 30 might cause them some real hardship.

+1, to be clear, not taking the AH’s side in this, but consider if the gender roles were reversed. If we were talking about a father passing away with a trust that refused disbursement until the children were some age way past legal age, we might be saying how mean that is to put the burden of raising the children financially on the poor single mother, how his behavior is controlling and abusive to his children (let alone the surviving parent) and that of course they would need access to those funds to maintain the lifestyle they had been accustom to.

Lots of mine fields in this situation. But you have to stop and take the SOB out of the equation and ask what is best for the kids. Otherwise you are letting the bad actor to continue controlling the situation to the detriment of the children.

Just my 2 cents and likely not worth that...however a product of divorce as a child so some personal experience with that which I offer advice.

 

[foxfirev5]

So sorry to hear about this. While a big time DYI'er I would definitely follow the advice of previous posters and get legal advice. While this forum is great, there comes a time to leave it to the pros. Best wishes and thanks for helping in the time of need.

 

[kgtest]

My sister reached the heavens today after a long and hard fought battle of Stage IV colon cancer. Get a second opinion on your pain, get your colonoscopy screenings as soon as possible and know your families medical history. May you RIP now Sis. I will miss you greatly, we all will.

 

[kgtest]

My sister taught me the meaning of financial independence. She always had her mind on her money and knew the importance of saving for later. It's incredible how that thought drifted as she battled and it turned more to just wanting quality time with family. Money isn't everything. Rest in peace.

 

[NW-Bound]

My condolences. Stage IV cancer cannot be won, and your sister was able to fight it for 3 years.

I hope her financial assets got the protection per her wishes.

 

[ivinsfan]

So sorry for your loss, you got 3 more years with your sister, I hope that time can comfort you in the days ahead.

 

[CindyBlue]

I'm so sorry, kgtest... may she rest in peace.
You are in my thoughts and prayers...

 

[Dtail]

Sorry for your loss and my sincerest condolences to you.

 

[kgtest]

My condolences. Stage IV cancer cannot be worn, and your sister was able to fight it for 3 years.

I hope her financial assets got the protection per her wishes.

Thanks once again to this forum's member guidance, we were able to get all the financial affairs buttoned up as needed. The kids will be taken care of, at least financially which is a huge relief. I appreciate everyone's sympathies. I will be trying to process life without my big sis. 47 is too young.

 

[NgineER]

Sorry for your loss Kory-take care if your family and support your sisters’ family in any way you can.

47 is way too young.

 

[Scratchy]

Surely your love and assistance were a great comfort to her.

My sincere condolences on your loss.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I am so very sorry. 47 is way too young.

 

[Dash man]

I’m sorry for your loss. Keeping the wonderful memories of her alive will bring great joy to you!

 

[street]

Very sad and wish you well going forward.