Disagree on retirement plans and spending

[ivinsfan]

Travel issues and vehicle replacement seem like difficult things to handle with an allowance...these seem to be areas where a little more agreement is needed.

The budget idea is great. I know someone who is shopping all the time for goodies for all her grandchildren. She says she is having fun doing it now, because she won't be able to afford it after she retires. If she enjoys the shopping and her grandkids start to expect it, it might be harder then she thinks to just stop completely. I would rather cut back now and spend within the ER budget before it's too late to make adjustments.

 

[Katsmeow]

For DH and I, for things like the helicopter, we solve that by giving a certain amount of spending money to each of us. We agree in advance how much it will be for the year. The point is that each of us can spend our spending money however we want to spend it. We are free to accumulate it for major stuff or just spend it as we go along. In 2012 I spent much more than DH, while he just built his spending money up. But, then in 2013 he bought a new gaming computer and spent much more than me. Basically I don't really care what he spends his spending money on, because it doesn't affect me. I consider everything set aside for spending money as something that is already gone and is not available to be budgeted for anything else. The flip side, of course, is that we agree not to exceed our spending money.

The types of things we include within spending money are things that hobby related but are more individual such as computers, new iPad, books, software, that kind of thing.

As for things like travel, I would suggest that you and he need to get on the same page in selecting a budget. It may make sense to start out with a lower budget and then as things go on, and you both feel more comfortable increase it.

If you can't agree in spending levels then you may need to defer retirement to get a larger nest egg so both of you are comfortable.

As for the Florida thing, selling and then renting there is not a bad idea and doesn't constitute a long term commitment. There might also be options of other places to live that might not be so far away from your family, but that are warmer. When DH retired we considered moving away, but I really didn't want to leave family.

 

[Walt34]

In case you get the itch...

No thanks. I don't want it that bad.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

If you are that young with so many fundamental disagreements about life after retiring, then I would suggest that you are far more than 6-18 months away from being able to retire. Most of your disagreements could be resolved with a larger nest egg. You are trying to push things too quickly and find yourselves needing to make too many compromises to live within your reduced income.

+1. Work longer or work part time, save up enough so that you have money to own a condo in FL for the winter, can live on 3% or less WR, and have adequate funds for reliable, safe cars, travel and a few toys each year.

 

[foxfirev5]

+1. Work longer or work part time, save up enough so that you have money to own a condo in FL for the winter, can live on 3% or less WR, and have adequate funds for reliable, safe cars, travel and a few toys each year.

Yep, you've got to give up quite a bit to have it all.

 

[Golden sunsets]

A SWR of 4 percent with a 50 year retirement horizon seems aggressive and your DH may be responding to that nagging thought. Can you SRE for a few years to get closer to a 3 percent SWR?

 

[crtreedude]

One thing that really helped us was I eventually said "I am not willing to work more years for that." I guess you decide which is more important, buying what you want, or freedom to do what you want.

My wife started her career late in life and is still very busy in it, and doesn't want to stop - but then again, she sets her own hours and works when she wants, and the projects she wants - and sometimes, doesn't charge (sounds retired to me...)

 

[SoClose]

One thing that really helped us was I eventually said "I am not willing to work more years for that." I guess you decide which is more important, buying what you want, or freedom to do what you want.

I think this is what will happen.

We know our minimum number. Getting there or how much over we end up with, depends largely on what I receive from my company. We could continue to work.

Since we've agreed to rent in FL first, we can always pack up and move back.

 

[nash031]

Yes fire calc says we have 100% success rate with our projected spending. Which includes two cars, travel and electronics.

DH reads bogleheads any thinks we need to limit to 3% max SWR or less.

Back to my point: you don't agree on how much your expenses will be in retirement. You think one thing, he thinks 3% SWR (which probably reduces your expenses). In other words, you think you have enough, he doesn't. There's middle ground, but the absolute 100% solution is to make your expenses match his desired 3% SWR safety net.

In HIS opinion, you aren't financially ready. In yours, you are. Could be that as it approaches, he's getting OMY syndrome too.

 

[nash031]

+1. Work longer or work part time, save up enough so that you have money to own a condo in FL for the winter, can live on 3% or less WR, and have adequate funds for reliable, safe cars, travel and a few toys each year.

Agree. It really sounds like you're pushing too fast to me. You're certainly outside DH's comfort zone.

 

[AnIntentionalRoad]

It is very helpful for each to have a significant discretionary allowance but that won't help answer questions such as where to live.

Another option is to work a bit longer in order to not have to lower your standard of living so much.

 

[haha]

Do you want to be far away from your parents as they enter their 80s?

I think her desire to stay around her aging parents trumps her husbands desire to not have to wear warm clothes in winter. Give me a break. Extremely warm jackets, new at REI costs less than $200, and are almost impossible to wear out.

Ha

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Just working part-time $10K a year each brings in $20K a year or over 50 years $1M. There's your Florida condo you can live in when your parents don't need you and you can rent out when they do, some kick ass travel, reliable cars and whatever toys you want. Plus you'd still be adding to your SS earning base a bit more. To each his own, but I wouldn't want to ER mid life and then live in poverty and worry about my WR every day.

You might consider learning some skill like app development you could do telecommuting or as a consultant that pays over $100K a year each and just work part-time and not have to live below poverty level for the rest of your lives. If you were self employed you could write off many of your day to day expenses like a home office, conference travel (they can be in Las Vegas and London and they are still deductible ), health insurance premiums, business cell phone and ISP costs. What you don't need for day to day living expenses can go right to an IRA or 401K, so your taxes might be zero.

The ACA has made it easier to downshift, but it takes a pretty big nest egg for 2+ people to fully retire mid life and never work again at all, stay living in the U.S., have money for travel and be prepared for a serious illness or needing LTC some day.

If you are following the extreme ER bloggers, I suggest doing what they do, not what they say. At least a couple have or had working spouses, and one is a self employed blogger with an amazing amount of time spent on marketing / self promotion, and also does real estate construction work and the other is a blogger, book author and last I heard a full time quant.

I see the extreme ER forums bring up the Millionaire Next Door books. In the books the MNDs do not retire mid life, they just find work they enjoy so it doesn't seem like work. In reality, this is the actual life model a couple of the more well publicized extreme ER bloggers are following.