LOL....long line of "Grabbersons"?
How are the Holidays when the far away relatives visit?
I see grandmas crystal goblets on the table. You know she promised me those! <slipping a couple in their pocket>
Distributing Non-Financial Assets from Estate
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LOL....long line of "Grabbersons"?
How are the Holidays when the far away relatives visit?
I see grandmas crystal goblets on the table. You know she promised me those! <slipping a couple in their pocket>
Texas Proud
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Now, this can be manipulated, but one of the most interesting ones I had heard of from a lawyer was...
The will stipulated that the name on a piece of tape that was on an item was to be given to that person....
IOW, this lady wrote the name of someone on a piece of tape and put it on the back, somewhere inside, or underneath where it was not seen... if she got upset at anybody all she had to do was tear off the tape and write another name...
The lawyer said it was legal...
The will stipulated that the name on a piece of tape that was on an item was to be given to that person....
IOW, this lady wrote the name of someone on a piece of tape and put it on the back, somewhere inside, or underneath where it was not seen... if she got upset at anybody all she had to do was tear off the tape and write another name...
The lawyer said it was legal...
athena53
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My mother had 6 months between her fatal cancer diagnosis and that's what she did- it must have been a wrenching process but her father had remarried a woman who threw out nearly everything of her late mother's, which had mostly sentimental value, and she wanted to make sure that didn't happen to her things. It went well; most of us were more interested in SOMEONE getting and treasuring an item rather than who actually got it.
Two anecdotes about rings: First, Mom always wore two diamond rings- hers, and her great-Aunt's from a broken engagement. The latter was over 100 years old. She gave both to me; I had them reset with a third into a 3-stone ring. Good thing I asked the jeweler to preserve the old settings- I'd planned to have something else put into them when my sister asked if she could have them. Deal. The older one was especially beautiful and ornate. She had them set with diamonds again.
Second: when my Ex's grandmother died, she left a diamond ring with a giant- by my standards- diamond. It was 3 or 4 carats, at least. Each of her adult children wanted it- till they found that the rest of the estate was minimal and they'd have to write checks to their siblings. Then no one wanted it. Fortunately, my SIL was able to buy it after having it appraised so it stayed in the family.
ugeauxgirl
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Your wife could tell the bickering heirs that by accepting the role of executor, she became a fiduciary (this is true, but non professional fiduciaries are held to a lower standard) and she is bound to follow the terms of the will and only the will. If she doesn't, she is liable. So whomever gets the ring will have the equivalent amount of cash deducted from their share. If they still argue, draw straws or sell it and divide the cash.
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Texas Proud
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I was talking to one of my sisters about this yesterday and she told me about a family she knew....
All the kids got together... the rules were all agreed to that if someone started to cause problems the rest of the family could vote them out... random drawing to see who goes first... so, go get something and sit down... next, repeat over and over....
She said that the DW of one of the kids started to complain to her husband about something... kept it up until he started to complain... so, they voted him out!!! They got nothing else.... except the scraps left over that nobody took....
All the kids got together... the rules were all agreed to that if someone started to cause problems the rest of the family could vote them out... random drawing to see who goes first... so, go get something and sit down... next, repeat over and over....
She said that the DW of one of the kids started to complain to her husband about something... kept it up until he started to complain... so, they voted him out!!! They got nothing else.... except the scraps left over that nobody took....
Texas Proud
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Another one that my sister told me about was an Aunt on her husbands side...
Seemed she decided to start before the person was departed... the person had a lot of crystal etc... one day my sister said it looked like some of the crystal was missing.... YEP.... someone said that every time this Aunt came over she would wrap up one or two pieces of crystal and take it home!!! Just slide it in her purse....
There are many ways that relatives steal from each other... sounds strange to me though...
Seemed she decided to start before the person was departed... the person had a lot of crystal etc... one day my sister said it looked like some of the crystal was missing.... YEP.... someone said that every time this Aunt came over she would wrap up one or two pieces of crystal and take it home!!! Just slide it in her purse....
There are many ways that relatives steal from each other... sounds strange to me though...
Then do a private auction among family members.
pb4uski
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
What my grandmother did.... but the reality is that most of her stuff was old and other than a few sentimental items, the intended already had better stuff and nobody wanted it so it mostly went to charity.
That all works until the liquor comes out, which brings out the guns
I was executor for my DM when she passed. She had already gotten rid of most stuff in the house. My DF is still alive so everything in the house stayed as is. Her personal affects were jewelry and about $10,000 cash.
I was so very fortunate that we took all the jewelry to the jewelry store and had it appraised. There are 3 daughters and one granddaughter. We split the jewelry up by the cost. If it was worth $1200 then the next people got to choose up to $1200. There were no fights or arguments. We did the same with all her clothes. (Didn't have them appraised but we each took turns saying what we might want.)
I thought one time I might have to lay down the law, but fortunately I didn't have to do that.
The (3) sisters took the $10,000 and did a 10 day trip to New York City. Mother would have loved that and we had a blast.
Now when DF dies there is all that life insurance. Hopefully no one will argue. Have to get the house ready to sale and carrying costs on that. No one gets any $ until the house and all the contents is sold. I told them all up front how it will be. I do make everything available for all to see. (Bank statements etc.)
I didn't really want this job but the other (2) sisters couldn't help themselves and would spend the money in the bank account etc. because they are not good with finances.
I was so very fortunate that we took all the jewelry to the jewelry store and had it appraised. There are 3 daughters and one granddaughter. We split the jewelry up by the cost. If it was worth $1200 then the next people got to choose up to $1200. There were no fights or arguments. We did the same with all her clothes. (Didn't have them appraised but we each took turns saying what we might want.)
I thought one time I might have to lay down the law, but fortunately I didn't have to do that.
The (3) sisters took the $10,000 and did a 10 day trip to New York City. Mother would have loved that and we had a blast.
Now when DF dies there is all that life insurance. Hopefully no one will argue. Have to get the house ready to sale and carrying costs on that. No one gets any $ until the house and all the contents is sold. I told them all up front how it will be. I do make everything available for all to see. (Bank statements etc.)
I didn't really want this job but the other (2) sisters couldn't help themselves and would spend the money in the bank account etc. because they are not good with finances.
ugeauxgirl
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
DH's aunt had her dad sign a death bed addendum to the will leaving everything of value (which wasn't much) to HER kids. Then when she came for visits, loaded up her minivan with stuff she wanted for herself and her kids. She apologized later to my MIL who forgave her but I still have a hard time being nice to the woman. Luckily I don't see her much.
Anecdotes of behaviors of heirs from a bystander.
About 40 years ago, my then-BF's grandmother died. She'd had 2 daughters, one who lived close by (then-BF's mom) and one who lived 5 states away (then-BF's aunt) for years and who never came back to visit. When the aunt came to town for the funeral, she cruised through her dead mother's house on arrival and took all of her mom's jewelry....much to the chagrin of her sister, who, living nearby, was always helping out her parents, etc.
A few decades later, the grandmother of the guy I was then dating died after a short illness. She didn't have much and lived in low-income senior housing. Right after the funeral, her 5 adult children (who all lived in town and seemed to get along -- visiting each other, having parties, Thanksgiving, and Christmas together, etc.) went to her tiny apartment to divvy-up what was there. One brother slugged another brother over who was to get the answering machine. That caused a huge family rift.
omni
About 40 years ago, my then-BF's grandmother died. She'd had 2 daughters, one who lived close by (then-BF's mom) and one who lived 5 states away (then-BF's aunt) for years and who never came back to visit. When the aunt came to town for the funeral, she cruised through her dead mother's house on arrival and took all of her mom's jewelry....much to the chagrin of her sister, who, living nearby, was always helping out her parents, etc.
A few decades later, the grandmother of the guy I was then dating died after a short illness. She didn't have much and lived in low-income senior housing. Right after the funeral, her 5 adult children (who all lived in town and seemed to get along -- visiting each other, having parties, Thanksgiving, and Christmas together, etc.) went to her tiny apartment to divvy-up what was there. One brother slugged another brother over who was to get the answering machine. That caused a huge family rift.
omni
My sister and I lucked out in this area. Mom didn't have a lot of jewelry and none of it was of my taste or my sister's taste. I sold some things on ebay and took the rest to a jeweler and sold them for the gold or silver value. I split the cash with my sister.
My sister had my Dad's wedding band and I had my mother's wedding ring. When my son got married last year he asked if he could use Dad's band as his wedding ring and my sister suggested that we sell Mom's wedding ring (borderline ugly and missing tiny diamonds) and give the money to my son to use towards his wife's ring.
My sister and I both thought that this was a lovely way to use our parents wedding jewelry.
My sister had my Dad's wedding band and I had my mother's wedding ring. When my son got married last year he asked if he could use Dad's band as his wedding ring and my sister suggested that we sell Mom's wedding ring (borderline ugly and missing tiny diamonds) and give the money to my son to use towards his wife's ring.
My sister and I both thought that this was a lovely way to use our parents wedding jewelry.
pb4uski
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Dgreat-aunt was an elegant woman and had some very nice jewelry.... many pieces were mentioned in her will and granted to specific people. In her later years when she lived away, her nephew looked in on her. Later, when her need for care intensified and she needed to go into a nursing home, the same nephew wanted little to do with her so her family up north took over.
When she moved into the nursing home I inquired about the jewelry and this nephew said that it was "missing".... we are pretty sure that it was missing because it was in his wife's jewelry box.
By a stroke of fate, when great auntie died all her earthly possessions had been converted to cash in anticipation of paying for nursing home costs and were in a joint account (great aunt, my aunt/her neice, and me). Since my aunt and I had total control, we made an executive decision to grant each person who was to get the missing jewelry $x and reduced that a$$hat nephew's share by the total. We never told him about it and he never caught on. Sweet justice.
When she moved into the nursing home I inquired about the jewelry and this nephew said that it was "missing".... we are pretty sure that it was missing because it was in his wife's jewelry box.
By a stroke of fate, when great auntie died all her earthly possessions had been converted to cash in anticipation of paying for nursing home costs and were in a joint account (great aunt, my aunt/her neice, and me). Since my aunt and I had total control, we made an executive decision to grant each person who was to get the missing jewelry $x and reduced that a$$hat nephew's share by the total. We never told him about it and he never caught on. Sweet justice.
ExFlyBoy5
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This. My Dad (I am his executor) has made several comments about items that he wants "Person X to have item X" and I told him he needs to do that prior to his demise. Of the personal belongings I would want, I have them in my possession now. When he does die, I will ask if there are any requests for items from the immediate family and distribute accordingly. Any items that are unwanted or there is a dispute about "who gets it", they will be sold via estate sale and the proceeds will be distributed accordingly.
I don't intent on making something will already be a pain any more painful.
That's more or less what she's doing. She put a minimum bid on several items to get the bidding started. But the whole process crashed and burned for a variety of reasons. DW is reviewing the situation, and plans on making some decisions within a couple weeks. Of course this is not the only going on in her life. She's having surgery next week for some possible cancer issues 
I would think that others would be a little more supportive.
I would think that others would be a little more supportive.
Sorry to hear about your DW. Best wishes for a successful outcome and speedy recovery.
Thanks, just a 15 - 20% chance, but she's had a couple stage 1 melanomas removed last year, so she's a little tired of it. That being said, we still consider ourselves lucky compared to many others.
ugeauxgirl
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Sorry to hear about her surgery. I hope she recovers well and is cancer free.
Another method I have seen is to package up all the "Stuff" (this works particularly well if there is a lot of small jewelry) in equally valued packets. Have each heir pick one and allow them to trade amongst themselves, leaving your wife out of the fray.
Another method I have seen is to package up all the "Stuff" (this works particularly well if there is a lot of small jewelry) in equally valued packets. Have each heir pick one and allow them to trade amongst themselves, leaving your wife out of the fray.
kcowan
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We settled everything amicably but this thread is depressing!
Did I mention the $2 million that BIL embezzled from his Aunt....
Did I mention the $2 million that BIL embezzled from his Aunt....
Yarnstormer
Recycles dryer sheets
Let’s see... my brothers and their wives helped themselves to my Mom’s jewelry. I got what was left over a year later.
Pretty sure that was not what my mom had in mind.
I wish Mom had specified.
Pretty sure that was not what my mom had in mind.
I wish Mom had specified.
athena53
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The sister of a dear friend of mine is in for a rude shock. Their mother died early, in her 50s, and she had some very distinctive and somewhat valuable jewelry she brought when they emigrated from Cuba in the 1960s. Dad sold the jewelry a few years ago as his funds were running low. The sister expects that she'll get the jewelry after Dad's death (he's currently in his 80s). I feel bad for her- another example of NOT what Mom had in mind, but her death was sudden (an aneurism) and unanticipated at that age.
jollystomper
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These stories have me thanking my lucky stars that I have the siblings that I do. We have not had any problems dispersing our parents estate so far.
Mom wanted the daughters to have the jewelry, but my sisters sent pictures to my brothers and I and asked if there was anything we were interested in, we could talk about it.
For their house items everyone (siblings and grandkids) had a chance to go through the house sometime between Thanksgiving and New Years, if there was anything you were interested in put a post-it note on it with your name. Interestingly the most in demand item was a framed picture of our dad on a cruise, when he has in his late 60s, all dressed up with two showgirls on his arms... mom loved that picture because it was so out of character for him.
As we cleaned out the house and found more items, we sent out family broadcasts to see who was interested and there was a lot of "I'm interested if no one else wants it, but if someone else wants it, fine".
On the other hand, DW's family literally gets into hand-to-hand combat over these things. Two of her brothers haven't spoken since I had to break up a fight between them over items one claimed the other took from their Dad's house while his funeral was being held. I shudder to think what will happens when their mom passes.
Mom wanted the daughters to have the jewelry, but my sisters sent pictures to my brothers and I and asked if there was anything we were interested in, we could talk about it.
For their house items everyone (siblings and grandkids) had a chance to go through the house sometime between Thanksgiving and New Years, if there was anything you were interested in put a post-it note on it with your name. Interestingly the most in demand item was a framed picture of our dad on a cruise, when he has in his late 60s, all dressed up with two showgirls on his arms... mom loved that picture because it was so out of character for him.
As we cleaned out the house and found more items, we sent out family broadcasts to see who was interested and there was a lot of "I'm interested if no one else wants it, but if someone else wants it, fine".
On the other hand, DW's family literally gets into hand-to-hand combat over these things. Two of her brothers haven't spoken since I had to break up a fight between them over items one claimed the other took from their Dad's house while his funeral was being held. I shudder to think what will happens when their mom passes.
This is a very timely thread for me. My mother passed away a few weeks ago and I am the personal representative. I have two siblings (brother and sister); our father died awhile ago and our mother remarried 18 years ago and her husband is still alive. They live in Montana, which is not a community property state. I hired a probate attorney to help the process go as smoothly as possible (although the will is not complicated, there are extenuating circumstances that made this a very logical decision). At this time, I don't foresee many issues in dividing things up, but we are pretty early in the process.
