If my parents were in my shoes, they would probably divide equally. Something inside me just resists that. I feel like I would be rewarding bad behavior.
I would feel the same as you.
If my parents were in my shoes, they would probably divide equally. Something inside me just resists that. I feel like I would be rewarding bad behavior.
Lots of good advice, but I want to weigh in that I strongly agree that you should do this, and do it soon, independent of any other decisions.
Having the 'good child' as Executor and dishing out possible bad news to the 'difficult child' is nothing but trouble all the way around. Hire a third party for this task.
Regardless how well the 'good child' performs their duties as Executor, it is very likely that the 'difficult child' will find problems, imagined or otherwise. Do not saddle the 'good child' with this. Much better to have the messenger be a disinterested third party.
-ERD50
+1 on an estate attorney.
IMHO - Treat each family the same. You never know what your children will, or can do after your gone. Im just learning about relationships DF had cut off, due to a perceived unfairness in his DM estate. What an injustice he did to our families.
If it goes to the one generation it should be equal percentages. If you want to skip a generation, do it the same.
You can only help make it possible for families to heal, by doing no harm.
MRG
I agree with this - divide it equally. Life is too short and you sound like you love this child despite the behavior. At least you will go to your grave following your heart. This may be the lesson that your child needs.
Just want to let you know that I have the same caretaker feeling about the money DW and I inherited from our parents.Now for the financial issue. I inherited a goodly sum from my parents and I have been able to grow the amount even larger. I have never viewed this money as mine, but as my parents, since they worked so hard and were frugal. I am simply the caretaker of the principal. Might sound crazy, but that is how I feel in my heart about it.
Since you don't plan on spending the money you inherited from your parents on yourself, why not start disbursing that sum to the close child? That way, close child and family can start enjoying the money now, and there will be less money left to fight over when the time comes.
+1 on an estate attorney.
IMHO - Treat each family the same. You never know what your children will, or can do after your gone. Im just learning about relationships DF had cut off, due to a perceived unfairness in his DM estate. What an injustice he did to our families.
If it goes to the one generation it should be equal percentages. If you want to skip a generation, do it the same.
You can only help make it possible for families to heal, by doing no harm.
MRG
No! IMO, a will doesn't cover this issue 100%. A will can be contested in court and in your situation, child #1 would probably have every legal right to half your assets regardless of how you feel. IMO, a trust is more ironclad in terms of honoring what you want to do with your assets. I did this very thing to avoid lawsuits by those that may contest our wills. There may be other avenues to fit your needs and maybe some good legal minds out there can chime in. Also, your state of residence may determine your best course of action. Good luck.
Just a thought, but do you know if your problem child even wants or would accept the inheritance money?
+1 In addition, from what you written, it doesn't seem like you're being the least bit vindictive. It seems to me that you've bent over backwards and done everything you can do.
That's a thought...especially since the last gift sent to the grandchildren were checks that were never cashed. That was at least five years ago, so guess I can stop looking for it to be deducted from my checking account ;-}
I think, however, the amount of inheritance would make the difference in his decision to accept. I'm sure he would take the money.
I agree with this - divide it equally. Life is too short and you sound like you love this child despite the behavior. At least you will go to your grave following your heart. This may be the lesson that your child needs.