Financial "Success/Secrets" you only share with strangers but not families/friends

[Markola]

^^^^ There’s a lot of wisdom that rings true in that. Whatever I have achieved in organizations is through being curious enough to ask questions, showing up, being friendly, not dashing out of the door at closing time, doing my imperfect best, helping others get a leg up, and making it known that I’m ready for more. I’m fairly introverted, and at times felt at a disadvantage to the more natural schmoozers but when leadership casts an eye across the team for some assignment, I’ve generally been on the list of competent candidates. At some point, the resume has grown, people above you clear out and then you can start being more choosy.

 

[Markola]

Back on topic, though, there’s more reluctance to gossip about others finances in the Midwest, so people have to guess.

 

[Trailwalker]

Back on topic, though, there’s more reluctance to gossip about others finances in the Midwest, so people have to guess.

That's been my experience also. It's not hard to see consumption, but wealth is rarely discussed among friends or family. My own parents don't know our worth and asked a few years ago if we needed help paying off the house. "Nope, that was taken care of a long time ago but thanks anyway."

 

[brett]

I believe that common sense, common sense decisions are at the heart of this. And be willing to change.

Or having the common sense to engage a professional. Whether it be a lawyer, accountant, investment specialist...whatever.

I always tried to work with people who I believed to be much smarter, wiser, experienced that I was. Kept my mouth shut, listened, and learned.

And when I asked for info, advice, etc from those people it was not because I was making small talk. It was because I wanted to learn...and potentially change my course.

I doubt whether giving financial advice or the reasons for our success to someone who exhibits little or no common sense and really has no intention of changing their course is worthwhile.

I would be better off to go and wash my car.

 

[Jeffman52]

I try to steer away from any and all conversations about money with my family. DW and I are our richest relatives, in terms of financial wealth, not that we are "rich" its the perspective of it all. I grew up in relative poverty and remember thinking that anyone who lived in a decent house was pretty rich. And in some ways that is true. Fast forward to now and we have done very well for ourselves and our finances will outlive us. I don't think we are anywhere close to "changing the family tree" kind of wealth, but hey if the market went on another run like the last few years, that might change.



Our children have some idea of where we are financially but we basically told them we plan to bounce our last check and both die in the next second


That's what we told them but we have reached out at times to give help as needed and that will continue. And of course now we have Grandchildren that we hope to help get into private schools.

 

[TheWizard]

...Our children have some idea of where we are financially but we basically told them we plan to bounce our last check and both die in the next second

That isn't what wealthy people do, of course, but okay...

 

[Jeffman52]

That isn't what wealthy people do, of course, but okay...

Guess I need another market run! Ahahhahahaha

 

[Rianne]

I like stories of people who don't hide their wealth but simply live like paupers because they want to. Dress like they don't have money, shop, and talk about the deals they got.

When DH and I drove to French Lick, IN we drove past massive farms that had trailers and old cars parked near these farms. One can think these are the farm workers who can't afford a decent home. It occurred to me, that these could very well be the farm owners who chose to live this way. It doesn't bring attention to your wealth, very few robberies in those trailers. If you keep your business to yourself, who needs to know you're a multimillionaire?

Here's a story about someone kind of like that. I love these stories. Who needs to know?
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/06/nyregion/secretary-fortune-donates.html

 

[calmloki]

I like stories of people who don't hide their wealth but simply live like paupers because they want to. Dress like they don't have money, shop, and talk about the deals they got.

When DH and I drove to French Lick, IN we drove past massive farms that had trailers and old cars parked near these farms. One can think these are the farm workers who can't afford a decent home. It occurred to me, that these could very well be the farm owners who chose to live this way. It doesn't bring attention to your wealth, very few robberies in those trailers. If you keep your business to yourself, who needs to know you're a multimillionaire?

Here's a story about someone kind of like that. I love these stories. Who needs to know?
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/06/nyregion/secretary-fortune-donates.html

Could be they were land poor - not uncommon. Lots of land, but all your wealth tied up in the property or equipment. I agree though - tickles me to read of people who live as they choose rather than living the way society says they could afford.

 

[upupandaway]

I agree with so much that has been stated in this thread. I have a few friends that are like minded individuals and we are truly happy for one another and enjoy sharing financial strategies. I have an example that I find very sad of people jumping to conclusions without a word about money ever being muttered.

The Theatre
We bought a house a few years ago, well under market price, that had a full blown professional music studio inside a huge garage. I think buyers saw it less as a benefit and more as a renovation pain because it was so specialty built. However it had a bathroom and heating and air-conditioning and the house alone was better then all the others we could afford. I spent two years remodeling that space myself. Shopping sales, selling removed interior pieces for funds, and trading tangible items for work. I literally traded an old vehicle with a blown transmission for all the drywall and paint work (less materials). I am very proud of our theatre and the work myself and kids put in.

The point of this story is you don't even need to mention money or investments to have people become jealous and mumble under their breath. Something I should be very proud of I now find myself immediately justifying when new people come over about how I accomplished it on a budget. My kids have told me they have to explain to their friends how it was built because they were teasing them about being rich.

The post above regarding the landscaping is this same kind of surface level judgement and jealously that keeps me from discussing much financial outside of a very close group of like minded friends and of course the good folks here at ER. I worked hard on the theatre and I work hard on my finances but I doubt that would be the takeaway from an outsider looking in.

 

[Souschef]

Interesting-I just sent the last of our 4 sons $16K on his birthday. He was very appreciative, and was concerned because of the market drop that I could afford to do it (bless him). I told him I was OK, and the market had recovered enough.
I did not tell him the $16K did not put a dent in our assets.

 

[livingalmostlarge]

I talk about it here with strangers and a bit with my mom to assure her we're fine. But I haven't told anyone we've gifted the kids last year into a trust a 7 figure number and we're doing better than expected. I did have to reveal a tiny bit to our DC whose the executor of that irrevocable trust. She laughed initially and said why bother it's not much. Explaining that it was substantial shocked her. But i trust she won't say much. And the kids get it at 30, 35, 40.

And this is a portion of what we have but we dont' want to ruin them so we held back. Otherwise we live the same as usual and most would probably guess we've "okay" and average.