Flying below the radar

[street]

I have another question since you retired have you stayed under the radar more. What I mean by that is not being so social or wanting to be around old work friends etc..

For some reason I have no desire to go visit or see people I worked with or even do all the public doings with a lot of people around. I never was much for that but seems since retiring I am so happy just not having to be so social thingy.

I also know I need people and I'm around people just things have changed. I like being the lone wolf thing a lot more in life.

 

[Philliefan33]

Sounds like you are an introvert. Welcome! Many (most?) of us here are introverts.

There's no need to socialize with people you used to work with. They were probably people you were friendly with due to proximity, not the kind of friends you want hanging around at your house.

I think you are discovering one of the many perks of ER-- you get to choose how and when you want to be social. Enjoy that! Just don't turn into a hermit who cowers in the house and never ventures out among humanity. You don't want to be Ebenezer Scrooge or the Grinch.

 

[VanWinkle]

I have another question since you retired have you stayed under the radar more. What I mean by that is not being so social or wanting to be around old work friends etc..

For some reason I have no desire to go visit or see people I worked with or even do all the public doings with a lot of people around. I never was much for that but seems since retiring I am so happy just not having to be so social thingy.

I also know I need people and I'm around people just things have changed. I like being the lone wolf thing a lot more in life.

I had a job where I was a "lone wolf" most of the time. For me, retirement has been just the opposite experience as my DW and I have become more involved in the community. I enjoy widening my group of friends, but I know I could also survive as a "lone wolf"

VW

 

[Bamaman]

The thing about ER is that your days are 100% your own. You get up when you want. You watch your own tv programs. You control all contacts with others.

When our office was downsized, everyone went their own direction. We do talk from time to time, but we all live in different cities. It is nothing personal.

Most of our closest friends are now through church-- or our children. We really don't have time for others in our rather active lives right now.

 

[ivinsfan]

The work friends thing I don't see as an issue since maybe they situational friends.
I do feel one should be a little mindful of not progressing from..Lone wolf, happy to hang alone to being the hermit that lives down the block. It's easier sometimes to just hang around the house and not put effort into socializing...

We farm and it's been a harder transition for me then my DH who continues to put in some crops. We also have 4 grandkids 6 and under two hours away so many weekend are spent away from home. So far all the parents and grandkids welcome us almost with giddiness when we want to come and wrangles the littles or give the parents a little downtime from toddler life. I do expect this to change as the kids get more independent and the parents feel as little less hassled. We'll need to look for more group or couple socializing when that happens.

 

[John Galt III]

When I was w*rking, I'd be able to find one or two co-w*rkers who I related well to, and would have lunch with and even do things outside w*rk with. The only one of these guys I'd consider hanging with, now that I'm retired, has rudely died, leaving me on my own. I go to various group discussion meetings at church, but have yet to meet anyone I'd want to hang out with, go places with. I took a personality test that revealed I am very picky about who I become friends with. I guess I'd rather be lonely than to be burdened with a person I don't really click with. Still I get some relief from loneliness by going to these meetings. Still looking for a 'clicking' friend. I'm single, btw. When I had a gf I didn't have this problem. Maybe I just need to find another girlfriend, but I'm perhaps flying under the radar in that zone, since I just don't want the drama that goes with that whole scene. May be unavoidable.

 

[misshathaway]

I think you are discovering one of the many perks of ER-- you get to choose how and when you want to be social.

Now that I'm 2 years into ER and looking back I think this has been the best benefit of ER for me. I have very low social interaction tolerance. Since ER my anxiety level has gone way down.

 

[Calico]

Now that I'm 2 years into ER and looking back I think this has been the best benefit of ER for me. I have very low social interaction tolerance. Since ER my anxiety level has gone way down.

I am very much looking forward to this aspect of retirement. It can't get here soon enough for me.

 

[razztazz]

I have another question since you retired have you stayed under the radar more. What I mean by that is not being so social or wanting to be around old work friends etc..

For some reason I have no desire to go visit or see people I worked with or even do all the public doings with a lot of people around. I never was much for that but seems since retiring I am so happy just not having to be so social thingy.

I also know I need people and I'm around people just things have changed. I like being the lone wolf thing a lot more in life.

You're not the only one.

 

[street]

Glad I'm not the only one who is content doing my thing and I don't need a crowd with me to be happy. When I worked I had to be nice all the time. Lol I was on the phone or people in my office people asking questions and it goes on and on all day long everyday. So nice to be the lone wolf.

 

[DrRoy]

I enjoyed the interaction with people at work, but in 7 mo of RE have been fine without it. I have tested neutral on the introvert-extrovert scale. If being FIRE'd means being less social but not having to put up with customers' demands then I find the tradeoff to be OK.

 

[kcowan]

We entertain 2-3 times a week mostly at restaurants. When working it would be every other week. DW attracts new acquaintances and then I hook them. We have no real needs but just stay active.

 

[Koolau]

My Megacorp had 10s of thousands of employees with nearly 2000 where I was assigned for my career. At one time or another I "knew" probably 600 people (more or less) by name. I now keep track of exactly 2 of all the folks from previous w*rk life. YMMV

 

[Redbugdave]

When working, I also tried to do my own thing, (within reason), and it was also the nature of the job. I kept my Real Life separate from my Work Life. Friend-wise as well since Work Friends did not relate to my passions. Nothing much in common. Work also kept me engaged from following my passions. Now that I am Free, I am following those interests and my scope of friends has extended considerably. For me, it is the opposite with many new friends and more outgoing activities. Work was holding me back.

 

[Midpack]

It’s not usual, and it couldn’t be. Some of us are extroverts, some introverts and some in between - that doesn’t change just because you retire (though it can change some). Some continue with work friends, some don’t associate with coworkers and some between. Some become less active, some less but all different.

Life is still life, you just have new freedoms with retirement.

 

[CaptTom]

When working...I kept my Real Life separate from my Work Life.

Ditto that. However, I thought I'd swing by the office, go out to lunch, and generally stay in touch much more than I have (17 months in now.)

I do see everyone at the occasional retirement party. I stopped by a couple of times the first year. But the urge is fading.

 

[GalaxyBoy]

I think about dropping by the office to just say “hi!” once in a while but I have yet to actually do it, even when I drive right by the place. I met a few of the old gang for beers one evening but I left thinking I really don’t have that much desire to socialize with them anymore, even though I considered them friends. They did a good job of not discussing the office, but I felt there may have been some subliminal jealousy of my being FIRE.

 

[Scuba]

I am an extrovert and have many friends from the megacorp where I worked for 20 years. None of us have worked there recently and when we get together, we have all moved on to current interests and things in common.

Neither DH nor I keep in touch much with people from our last places of work. I was invited to their holiday party last year but declined. The 3 hour plus round trip commute is an easy excuse. I had lunch once with the company President, the person I felt the closest personal bond to when I was there. But now that we don't work together, I felt we were running out of things to talk about. Although it didn't feel like it when I was working, obviously ours must have been a situational friendship. I occasionally hear from some of my previous subordinates and enjoy supporting them when I can.

We had lots of friends before ER and continue those friendships. It's great that many of them are also retired so we can get together during the week. One of the many benefits of ER.

DH & I have traveled a lot our first year of ER. We've grown even closer as a result which has been wonderful.

 

[W2R]

I have another question since you retired have you stayed under the radar more. What I mean by that is not being so social or wanting to be around old work friends etc..

For some reason I have no desire to go visit or see people I worked with or even do all the public doings with a lot of people around. I never was much for that but seems since retiring I am so happy just not having to be so social thingy.

I also know I need people and I'm around people just things have changed. I like being the lone wolf thing a lot more in life.

I am in my 9th year of retirement. The only times I have seen former co-workers, is when I accidently run across them (once at a restaurant, once in a grocery store parking lot). Work just is not part of my life any more, so I have not been motivated to return. I have no desire to be around my old work friends.

Like you, I like my "alone time", and spend more time alone than I did while working. I do spend time with Frank every day.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Work friendships died after ER. WE are very social so have made new friends and get together with old friends regularly.

 

[Meadbh]

I moved, so I don’t see any of my w*rk friends. Last summer, a former boss, whom I respect greatly, was in town and we got together. Hearing w*rk related stories made me realize how little had changed and how little I miss it. For a while, I had a few w*rk friends on Facebook. But many of them use their FB accounts to showcase their w*rk and I unfriended them when I realized that we had little in common any more.

 

[Lsbcal]

I have another question since you retired have you stayed under the radar more. What I mean by that is not being so social or wanting to be around old work friends etc..

For some reason I have no desire to go visit or see people I worked with or even do all the public doings with a lot of people around. I never was much for that but seems since retiring I am so happy just not having to be so social thingy.

I also know I need people and I'm around people just things have changed. I like being the lone wolf thing a lot more in life.

I think you have a good attitude. Just do your own thing and let it happen. You will know when you need to up the social contacts and when to dial back.

Personally, I never had good work friends. I was friendly and they were friendly, but it was a tech business environment and full of the usual competitive undercurrents. Nowadays I try to avoid competition and reduce my need for ego gratification i.e. "to win".

 

[scrabbler1]

I have always been a loner with very little socialization. At work, when I was working, I rarely spent time with coworkers outside of work. Only 2 coworkers in 23 years I spent time with outside the office. Of those two, only one I have stayed in touch with and have met up with a few times in the 9 years I have been retired.


And in the 9 years since I left, I have not had any desire to visit there. I absolutely hated the commute, 75-90 minutes each way on two different trains, so it would be an all-day affair just to visit there one time and stay for a few hours. It would cost me around $30 to make a one-day trip.


I have my ladyfriend who lives very close by, and my best (male) friend who lives a short drive from me. My dad lives not too far away, so I see him from time to time. My twice-a-week square dancing is close by, but I don't hang out with any of them outside of dancing. And my volunteer work takes up 2 or 3 times a month for usually a short time but is once in a while an all-day event.


I have no interest in Facebook, so I do not stay in touch with any other friends or relatives beyond a rare email or rare family get-together.


I fly below the radar, for sure. And I'm perfectly fine with it!

 

[Music Lover]

My Megacorp had 10s of thousands of employees with nearly 2000 where I was assigned for my career. At one time or another I "knew" probably 600 people (more or less) by name. I now keep track of exactly 2 of all the folks from previous w*rk life. YMMV

I can say almost exactly the same...except that I stay in touch with about 10 - 12 former co-workers. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I started my career when I was 19 along with a lot of other people my age. And at that age you're still going out a lot and playing sports, so a lot of friendships were developed over the years from shared activities outside of the office.

 

[street]

Interesting! All of your story's I can relate too. I have no interest to go back to the office and visit and listen to all the BS I left. Lol I loved all the people I worked with but those years are gone.