Grateful!

[walkinwood]

I found a link to this article, on the positive effects of being grateful, on Retired Syd's blog Retirement: A Full Time Job.

I have so much to be grateful for - including this wonderful ER community.
Thank You. No, Thank You. - WSJ.com

 

[Nords]

I found a link to this article, on the positive effects of being grateful, on Retired Syd's blog Retirement: A Full Time Job.

I'm very grateful for her blog-- I really enjoy reading her non-financial perspective on ER. I bet she's gonna be even more grateful when she's done with her "short term" work project.

When our kid was very young she used to discharge at the end of the day by complaining about everything & everybody. We used to ask her to think of three good things that happened during the day and three more good things to look forward to the next day. 15 years later it's still a family joke.

We have "Life is good!" moments around here several times a day and especially at sunrise/sunset. I think we've just about caught up to all of those working years.

 

[bbbamI]

Being grateful most times seems to help me even in the worst times of my life. When this is not enough, a strong shoulder is so very fine to lean on.....mmm, I suppose I'm grateful for that shoulder as well.

 

[Amethyst]

Related to the mental benefits of being grateful:

I wish I could find a link to an article I read in some magazine, a couple of years ago, about going on a "complaint diet." The author made the case that complainers let off steam - not a bad thing - but they also drain their own problem-solving energy and are a drain on the energy of those around them.

She claimed that by going on a "Complaint Diet," the longer you refrain from complaining about a problem, the more you will feel driven to solve the problem - or, if that's impossible, then to change your attitude about it (learn to ignore it, find something good about it, etc.)

Thoughts?

Amethyst

 

[NW-Bound]

I just glanced over the article. I don't have a problem with it, but why does one have to be positive and upbeat to be grateful?

I tend to be gloomy. But I am still grateful, because it could be worse. A lot worse!

 

[bbbamI]

She claimed that by going on a "Complaint Diet," the longer you refrain from complaining about a problem, the more you will feel driven to solve the problem - or, if that's impossible, then to change your attitude about it (learn to ignore it, find something good about it, etc.)

Thoughts?

Amethyst

I think for some people this would work; when they find their friends starting to ignore them because of constant complaining. It forces them to deal with their issues and accept the things they can not change.

Others need to complain from time to time in order to receive support or just to be heard.

 

[Martha]

Not to be ungrateful or a spoilsport, but which is the cause and which is the effect? Things go well, you are grateful. Being grateful doesn't necessarily mean things will go well.

 

[walkinwood]

.. Being grateful doesn't necessarily mean things will go well.

Agreed. But the research doesn't say or predict that. It says that a person who is grateful has a better state of mind irrespective of what happens. They did do an experiment to prove the causation.

 

[Martha]

Agreed. But the research doesn't say or predict that. It says that a person who is grateful has a better state of mind irrespective of what happens. They did do an experiment to prove the causation.

Thanks. I was lazy and didn't read the entire article, which does refer to a 2003 study to that effect. I believe that people can alter their thinking habits to some extent, but I think that it is very difficult and I question long term results. The study was very short term. I wonder if there has been any other experimental support since 2003? I do believe that people who are more grateful probably are happier. I just question how much we can alter ourselves.

 

[Bestwifeever]

The people I know who look only to the bad things in their lives often take on a victim mentality as if they feel they do not deserve better (regardless of how comparatively bad those things might be). It hinders action on their part to make any thing better, whether calling a company when they've been overcharged, asking for a raise, returning a broken appliance still under warranty, etc. Fostering conscious acknowledgment of positive events and other things to be grateful for can't hurt, imho.

 

[Sarah in SC]

I have a generally positive outlook, though I am not always grateful. Don't know the cause/effect there. I do tend to want to find solutions, even when there are none, as in those intractable family dilemmas.

I expect good things to happen, I guess, more than bad stuff.

 

[walkinwood]

T.... I wonder if there has been any other experimental support since 2003? I do believe that people who are more grateful probably are happier. I just question how much we can alter ourselves.

Martha, the basis of cognitive psychology is that you can change the way you think - more specifically, how you react/interpret events. I loved reading a book by Martin Seligman called Learned Optimism. Very well written and it has stood the test of time. I think he's written a few other books on the subject as well. Check his web-site - :: Authentic Happiness :: Using the new Positive Psychology

 

[Martha]

Martha, the basis of cognitive psychology is that you can change the way you think - more specifically, how you react/interpret events. I loved reading a book by Martin Seligman called Learned Optimism. Very well written and it has stood the test of time. I think he's written a few other books on the subject as well. Check his web-site - :: Authentic Happiness :: Using the new Positive Psychology

I have read a fair amount of cognitive psychology and find that I am questioning these sorts of claims more and more. I am not saying that people can't change they way they think, but I also think that both external and internal conditions have to be just so for it to work. Inotherwords, not everyone can learn optimism.

 

[Walt34]

I have read a fair amount of cognitive psychology and find that I am questioning these sorts of claims more and more. I am not saying that people can't change they way they think, but I also think that both external and internal conditions have to be just so for it to work. Inotherwords, not everyone can learn optimism.

As I put it once to someone else in a similar discussion "Everyone sees life through the lens of their own experiences."

I've wondered, for example, if I had grown up in a ghetto, would I then have even been able to see the value in going to college? Or would that and the career that followed been simply something that "rich people do"?

 

[Meadbh]

I scored 31 (average gratefulness). I was grateful to people who had helped me but not to the world in general.

Gratefulness may be a learned communication skill. For example, in business, I have learned that it is very helpful to personally, sincerely thank people for the good work they do. It makes such a difference to staff morale.

Then there are people who are always praising God and saying how grateful they are for everything from the safe arrival of relatives for Thanksgiving to the harvest to the fact that they got a paycheck that week. These people are grateful because they have faith.

I am a skeptic and a scientist and if I enjoy a nice sunny day I inherently think that this is within the normal meteorological variation for this season in this place. I see no reason to be "grateful" and no individual to be ingratiated to because of the nice day. OTOH, if someone does a good deed for me (like the kid next door who climbed in the window to retrieve the housekeys I had left inside), I am VERY grateful! So I can sum up by saying that I am grateful for actions that people choose to do for me as a person, but I am not grateful for the manifestations of nature or for things that work as they should.

I don't believe in miracles either.

 

[NW-Bound]

I scored 31 (average gratefulness)...

I did not notice that there was a test. So, I took it and found out that my score was 33. And I should thank Meadbh for pointing out this test.

PS. I am not religious either. My life could easily turn out a lot worse. So, should I thank my lucky star or fate?

 

[HFWR]

You kids get off my lawn!

 

[HFWR]

I just question how much we can alter ourselves.

http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f52/poll-legalizing-marijuana-53417.html

 

[NW-Bound]

Speaking from personal experience there, my friend?

 

[HFWR]

Speaking from personal experience there, my friend?

We were up in heaven
But now we're in the mud
We fell off the wagon
You should have heard the thud
We were so superior
But that was just a phase
We got high on life
For fourteen boring days...

Loudon Wainwright III