Help my Mother is moving to Florida ?

[FinanceDude]

You are so right !

Yet typically we are the most logical......my sister was aloof and VERY independent, and my younger brother comes up with crazy ideas all the time, why must I be "Spock"

 

[TromboneAl]

You have my sympathy. This situation can really be impossible. I just finished my stint taking care of my 92-year-old mom. It went very well, considering, but it is a difficult situation.

Mom was with us for about two weeks, and now Sister 2 is caring for her at Sister 1's Oregon house until July 3, at which point Sister 3 will pick her up and take her to her Tacoma house until August when Sister 1 will pick her up and drive her across the country (again) to her New York house.

Mom is totally confused about where she is and where she's headed, but it doesn't seem to be stressful for her. Her short-term memory is shot, and she had a little cheat sheet that she kept with her to tell her what was coming up.

It was nice to have her here, and we enjoyed our time together, but I'm relieved that it's over. There was a good bit of worrying about her choking or falling.

Allow me relate three stories:

1. Every night she had to walk up the stairs and every morning come down them. Sister 1 was amazed that she could do this; INAD, but I think it was very good for her.

I would always be one step below her in case she fell, and she'd always say "Oh, don't be silly, I'm not going to fall" but I'd explain that she had fallen in the past, and I was going to do it. The thing is we'd have to have this discussion every single day, since she'd forget about our previous discussions.

2. I asked her if she'd ever had a colonoscopy and she asked "Isn't that what I had the other day?" I couldn't help laughing, but she didn't like the fact that I got amusement out of her memory difficulties.

3. An advantage of the memory problems is that you get do-overs. She asked whether she should write lyrics to a simple song that my group plays, and I explained that we don't have a singer, and we don't need lyrics. I could tell that she was disappointed, and I wished that I'd just said yes. But the next day, she asked the same thing again, not remembering the first time, so I just said, "Yes, that would be great!" and she was pleased to have something to work on.

 

[Moemg]

Al , Glad you survived . I love my Mother and routinely go to her apartment in Pa. to help her . She's totally sane in her own little world but my younger sister and I fear this move will push her over the top . Oh well I guess I have to chill out ( with some wine ) and hope for the best .

 

[socca]

My 95 year old Grandma enjoys seeing me every morning for tea. However, we'd never consider shacking up together. I hope things work out for you!

 

[Dreamer]

I like Nord's advice. I would try to tell my sister this advice as tactfully as I could. If your mom is happy now and things are working well for everyone, then I would definitely tell my sister that I wanted no part of it. I would only have my mother over for the length of time that I wanted.

Al, I loved your story of the do over with your mom. I wish that I could do some do overs of my own with my own mother, but unfortunately I can never do that now. Love them while you can.

 

[Dawg52]

My mother is 90 and she wouldn't think about moving. Fortunately, she has someone who lives with her and looks after her. Her 96 year old sister.

 

[Moemg]

My mother is 90 and she wouldn't think about moving. Fortunately, she has someone who lives with her and looks after her. Her 96 year old sister.

Right now my Mom lives next door to her 73 year old sister and downstairs from her 40 year old nephew . So why she wants to move is beyond me ?

 

[socca]

So why she wants to move is beyond me ?

I notice that my normally stubborn grandmother is highly susceptible to an aggressive lobbying effort by determined family members. Her mind is still in good shape, but she doesn't feel as sharp as she used to so she relies more on others. This means that she sometimes gives in to bad advice.