How much to spend on an engagement ring?

[Peter]

My bride-to-be volunteered "I don't want a giant rock". We went out together and chose one. It cost a lot less than 3 months salary.

 

[Bamaman]

My only advice would be to find a good reputable local jeweler to deal with instead of Tiffany. You will get more for your money, great personal service/ attention and still be able to meet "integrity with sourcing" concerns.
Ask your friends and colleagues as there are many "jewelry exchanges" in most areas that have great jewelers to work with. They can all OBTAIN any size/ price range of stones and settings you want.
Congrats and good luck.

I agree with the above. Those big jewelry stores have huge overhead, and their stones are often not that great in quality. Few individuals know about diamonds, and it can cost them a great deal of value.

Every big retail market will usually have one jeweler that deals in larger stones and fine watches. There's one jeweler in North Dallas operating out of a 12' wide storefront, and he's the one to buy from due to a low overhead.

My sister was looking for a new diamond, and her city of 1,000,000 didn't have any decent quality really large stones for a fair price. She ended up going to a jeweler in Houston that sells the large diamonds. Her diamond ended up getting stolen, and she never replaced it.

I would suggest buying a diamond just under 2 carats for someone of middle age. It's often the setting that is just as important.

 

[caninelover]

Agree with Amethyst - ask her!

As part of a recently engaged older couple (I am 50, he is 56 - second marriage for him, first for me), SO proposed first and asked me what I wanted. I thought about it and had a 2 carat tanzanite stone that I purchased in Tanzania when I travelled there years ago to climb Kilimanjaro. That stone had meaning to me so I gave it him and he worked with a local jeweler to convert it into an engagement ring with some accent diamonds. Total cost to SO was less than $1k but I LOVE my engagement ring. It is special to me.

So -maybe she doesn't even want a diamond. Maybe she wants a ruby, or a pearl. Who knows until you ask her.

Congrats - she sounds like an amazing and cool lady.

 

[jollystomper]

They point out that since half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, there is a surplus and a lot of savings in buying used diamond rings online or at pawn shops.

+1. DW has done a lot of jewelry shopping at pawn shops and has received great discounts. She says there have always been a variety of diamond rings to choose from at those places.

I agree with those who say to get to know what she likes and shop appropriately. My anecdote is when DW and I got engaged, I was not into jewelry so we went together to several places. She likes jewelry but did not want me to spend a lot. There were similar rings at two different independent jewelers and we were able to lower the price a bit via a slight bidding war. The engagement ring cost about a quarter of one month's salary. For her getting married was much more important than the ring .

 

[daylatedollarshort]

+1. DW has done a lot of jewelry shopping at pawn shops and has received great discounts. She says there have always been a variety of diamond rings to choose from at those places.

One of the sites mentioned in the article to buy used diamonds was "I do, now I don't" (https://www.idonowidont.com/).

I have this ring I inherited with diamonds I am not sure what to do with. I don't wear it and feel a bit mercenary selling it, and even then if I did sell it I have no idea how much it would really be worth. So it sits in our safe deposit box for our kids to figure out what to do with some day.

 

[swakyaby]

You should buy your ring from a reputable dealer in a diamond district (if your city has one). You will pay much less than retail and get a better quality product. I bought my wife's ring from a jeweler in the Los Angeles jewelry district over 30 years ago. . .

Before you spend any money, find out what she wants.

https://www.mbjewelers.com/

We were lucky enough to do so also. When DH proposed to me and I said yes, I later inquired about the engagement ring. He confessed he didn’t get one. So I said perfect, we’ll shop for one together. A friend recommended a certain jeweler in the gold district in downtown Los Angeles, and I’m glad I went. It was in a tall security building on something like the 17th floor. Only one customer was allowed inside the store at a time. When I name-dropped the person who recommended we go there, the owner said anything I wanted, he would sell at cost to us. I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of diamond rings, so the owner pulled open a hidden lower drawer and pulled out a very special ring. The center brilliant cut diamond was very high quality, only 1/2 carat, but surrounded by a swirling spray of baget-shaped diamonds. The setting is very important because solitaires can be considered by some women to be very plain. At cost, it was definitely within one month’s salary of my fiancé. It has been 22 years, and I still love that ring.

 

[Lsbcal]

Something to keep in mind:

Sometimes big stones on top of a finger can cause ring rotation which could be annoying. It might be fixed by resizing or by small little gold balls inside the ring.

DW had that problem with a ring I bought her. It was top heavy. Our son had that problem with his bride's engagement ring. It can be a lot of hassle to rework the ring.

So consider the balance of the setting.

Best of luck!

 

[ugeauxgirl]

I told my husband that I didn't really care if my "diamond " was real. I told him that the "job" of a jewel is to look sparkly and cz does that just as well for a lot less money than a real one. He bought a real one- I think he thought it was a test [emoji38]. He asked and I told him I'd prefer an oval stone. He bought one about 3/4 carat. I still like it- not too big, not too small. He wanted to pick it out for me, but if you're not sure, I bet shopping for it together would be fun. I love estate jewelry and sometimes you can find gorgeous classic jewelry for a bargain.

 

[Telly]

I proposed to my future DW long long ago, WITHOUT a ring! No way was I going to guess or read the tea leaves or whatever. We met at the big U, neither of us were rich. We went ring shopping one weekday afternoon when neither of us had a class. Went to a jewelry store that was a small chain (grew much bigger later). We were the only customers there for that day and time. We were newbies on diamonds, the salesman we got I think scoped us out. Decided not to do the big sell on big diamond, multiple diamonds, etc.
Instead, he educated us on the AGA grading system. I had been previously suspicious of the "blue white diamond is the best!" mantra. He put the dagger through the heart of that whole concept.

His suggestion was a <1 carat diamond, going hard over on the color and clarity to the investment side, not the big shiny gawdy junk. He had a few examples, and what cut and setting would go best for a true quality small diamond. He told us what many other places would probably try to sell us... As we had just started out looking, we got his card, thanked him for his time and teaching us, and went on other days to other places.

Yup, you probably guessed it... after talking and learning from him, everyone else we saw were clowns trying to sell BIG low quality stones at BIG prices! So his investment of time with us on a empty afternoon was a wise choice for ALL of us! He recognized us right away when we returned to buy.

So DW always had a small diamond ring. That was fine with her, she just nods and says the obligatory "oh, that's SO pretty!" (what they want to hear) to people who show her their big gawdy diamond ring they just got.

I just went to BLS.gov and put in what I paid for it back then, I still remember. In today's dollars, it's $2,230. I have no idea how investment diamond prices have tracked with inflation.
Neither of us has worn rings for at least the last 15 years.

 

[aja8888]

I have bought three engagement rings so far. It took me a while to figure out how to pick the right woman.

Ask her what she would like, then go buy it.

 

[livingalmostlarge]

Ask! being from hawaii it's a major status thing in hawaii in the metro of honolulu. Lots of fancy cars living in condos or apartments for show.

Anyway go with whatever you can afford. I've been contemplating this lately. I have the cheapest ring in my family (my DH bought it when we were young and broke) and now he could afford quite a lot. But now it doesn't seem very important. If he were to spend 3 months salary I sort would prefer something else....and I still don't wear a ring to this day although I am considering getting it resized since it doesn't fit after kids.

 

[SecondAttempt]

Thanks for all the replies so far! I think every single reply has given me something to think about.

I have been doing my research on diamonds and I had already decided to focus on color and clarity rather than a big but crappy diamond. I have been looking for a F or better color and VVS2 or better clarity and something around 1 carat, and a solitaire setting. But she likes sparkle so a setting with side stones might be preferred by her.

She likes surprises so I had just assumed it would be best to surprise her with something I picked out. But you have made me rethink that assumption and consider buying a cheap placeholder then shopping for the real deal together. But that is complicated by the fact that we live on the Big Island and there are not a lot of shopping options and also that she might be reluctant to have me spend much. That's why I mentioned that she has saved a ton of money - she does not like to spend!

Just something I have to think through I guess with her particular personality in mind.

 

[OldShooter]

Thanks for all the replies so far! I think every single reply has given me something to think about.

I have been doing my research on diamonds and I had already decided to focus on color and clarity rather than a big but crappy diamond. I have been looking for a F or better color and VVS2 or better clarity and something around 1 carat, and a solitaire setting. But she likes sparkle so a setting with side stones might be preferred by her.

She likes surprises so I had just assumed it would be best to surprise her with something I picked out. But you have made me rethink that assumption and consider buying a cheap placeholder then shopping for the real deal together. But that is complicated by the fact that we live on the Big Island and there are not a lot of shopping options and also that she might be reluctant to have me spend much. That's why I mentioned that she has saved a ton of money - she does not like to spend!

Just something I have to think through I guess with her particular personality in mind.

Well, obviously you are wise because you are taking the same course that I did!

Re what to give DW, I gave my DW the diamond in a packet with its paperwork and encouraged her to design her own ring. As it turned out, we had two small diamonds from DM's rings and she now has a ring with all three. Kind of fun, too, when she goes into a jewelry store, the staff with diamond expertise seem to spot her I VVS2 stone from across the store and come to compliment her on it. It's a little over a carat and a half and she is really proud.

 

[SJ1_]

I would base it on how much the ring $$$ matters to her.
we got something cheap when we got married but years later I got her a real nice diamond ring

 

[Gumby]

...
I just went to BLS.gov and put in what I paid for it back then, I still remember. In today's dollars, it's $2,230. I have no idea how investment diamond prices have tracked with inflation.....

Good idea. I did the calculation, and it appears I paid ~$7500 in 2022 dollars for her engagement ring.

 

[RobbieB]

I bought one 4 years ago, a little more than a carat, with lots of "penny stones" in a custom setting by a local jeweler. I think it was ~ 9500

 

[Amethyst]

2 carats round brilliant, H color, VS2 clarity, $8000 in 1987 (it was an upgrade, since we were married), would be $20K today. No doubt we could have "done better," but it brought decades of happiness, so...so what.

 

[Dash man]

DW chose to take the 1 carat stone from my mother’s ring (she passed 11 years before we married). We purchased a couple of diamonds to put on the side of it. It’s not the highest grade stone, but she said it being my mom’s meant more to her than a shinier Diamond. I think we spent about $1,600 when all was done.

 

[athena53]

I haven't read all of this but jewelry is a favorite topic!

First, I highly recommend Blue Nile. Second- a nephew by marriage bought the diamond and proposed with that and they chose the setting together. I thought that was brilliant- the center stone is the bulk of the cost most of the time so he could manage that, and she got to choose what design she wanted.

I agree with just asking her (or a sister or a friend?). DS consulted his GF's sister and settled on size and cut that way. I married the second time at 50 and since I was making twice what DH was making, he jokingly asked if we were supposed to spend 2 months of HIS salary or mine? My center stone was a pink topaz. It's a beautiful ring and now that DH is gone I can still wear it and it doesn't scream "engagement ring". I was never into a proposal being a "surprise" or a big theatrical production.

 

[Amethyst]

Yeah, I realize many people adore "milestone surprises" just for the fun of it, yet I also feel that if you are truly surprised, then you didn't know him as well as you thought you did.

I I was never into a proposal being a "surprise" or a big theatrical production.

 

[Gumby]

I had to ask her three times before I got a yes.

 

[Amethyst]

Doesn't mean she didn't see it coming.

I had to ask her three times before I got a yes.

 

[Aerides]

My first husband "presented" a ring soon after he proposed. It was never one I would have picked. Yellow gold, Marquise shaped stone, maybe 1/3 carat. (PS, another reason to shop with your wife-to-be, because of the setting on the engagement ring, it was impossible to get a wedding ring to sit flush with it, and I eventually upgraded the ring and had it re-set to raise it up properly).

Came to find out later...he'd given it to an earlier GF but she'd broken it off. And he originally picked it up at a pawn shop. Not a great way to start out.

Yeah... so, 2nd time around I was not messing about. I knew the kind of ring I wanted before I knew the kind of husband I wanted! So when now-DH said he was pretty sure I was the type that didn't want to be surprised with a ring, he showed he knew me well enough. I knew I wanted white/platinum, I knew I wanted a round stone, and one that came with an option for a good match for a wedding ring which I would also like to wear on its own, and could eventually add perhaps an eternity band to the set decades later, if we ever wanted to. I didn't know any of that at 26, but by 34? Heck yeah.

And I also knew I wanted something more substantial. Not because of the dollar value, but by then I was in my 30's, had a good salary of my own, and wanted jewelry that fit where I was in life.

There's a big difference between the rings that are wonderful for a first marriage, for those just starting out, probably buying it before a house and kids, vs. the one you want a bit later in life.

And it might not be anything like a traditional ring by that point! Sounds like the GF here very much has a mind of her own.

 

[Lsbcal]

DW has been trained well. First we got a pair of gold wedding rings together when I was a student. Ladies would ask me if my ring was a "friendship ring". Since then I have been holding DW off by giving her nice ring presents, some from Sundance but not very costly (under $500). She really loves this.

Wait a minute, is it me who has been trained well?

 

[Lsbcal]

...

Yeah... so, 2nd time around I was not messing about. I knew the kind of ring I wanted before I knew the kind of husband I wanted! So when now-DH said he was pretty sure I was the type that didn't want to be surprised with a ring, he showed he knew me well enough. I knew I wanted white/platinum, I knew I wanted a round stone, and one that came with an option for a good match for a wedding ring which I would also like to wear on its own, and could eventually add perhaps an eternity band to the set decades later, if we ever wanted to. I didn't know any of that at 26, but by 34? Heck yeah.
...

A new way to pick a husband.