I think I can, I think I can, but why am I afraid?

[SteveR]

BeHappy,

Great to hear you found someone that is interesting to you. Take your time and get to know this person really really well...especially their financial side. Take it from someone who has been married a few times; financial compatibility is a HUGE consideration and can and does wreck many relationships over time.

Sharing life with someone who shares your space and your interests is wonderful and makes living all that much better. But, sharing a home with someone after living alone for most of your life will require some real changes and a lot of patients to make it work over the long haul.

Keep us informed and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[behappy]

BeHappy,

Great to hear you found someone that is interesting to you. Take your time and get to know this person really really well...especially their financial side. Take it from someone who has been married a few times; financial compatibility is a HUGE consideration and can and does wreck many relationships over time.

Sharing life with someone who shares your space and your interests is wonderful and makes living all that much better. But, sharing a home with someone after living alone for most of your life will require some real changes and a lot of patients to make it work over the long haul.

Keep us informed and I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks SteveR for the very good advice. I agree with everything you said, but I don't even know where to begin finding more about her financial situation. Sorry for being naive and showing my inexperience, but how do I do that? Any suggestions? Perhaps the best I can do is ask some subtle questions and make some inferences or hope that I get lucky and she volunteers some information?

 

[Fireup2020]

BeHappy,

Casually ask her about her financial goals. Is she working towards a specific goal/milestone (pay off something, hit a certain dollar amount in a retirement, investment, or savings account)? Planning on working til death? "when do you see yourself retiring?" "what would you do if you retired today?" I'd refrain from directly asking her about her net worth! Just keep it conversational and casual...expect the same questions back at ya

Fireup

 

[SteveR]

Thanks SteveR for the very good advice. I agree with everything you said, but I don't even know where to begin finding more about her financial situation. Sorry for being naive and showing my inexperience, but how do I do that? Any suggestions? Perhaps the best I can do is ask some subtle questions and make some inferences or hope that I get lucky and she volunteers some information?

The best way is to go shopping with her. All kinds of stores...furniture, jewelry, the mall, etc. You will learn fast what she likes and it gives you a chance to see what kind of shopper she is....careful about finding good quality at a good price or name brands regardless of the cost.

At some point you will need to have a more direct discussion about her financial situation. Prior bankruptcies or bill collection activitiy is a good clue as is how she sees investment and savings vs keeping up with the neighbors and friends. Like I said before, long term financial conflicts can and do ruin relationships.

Find out when she wants to retire and what she has done to make it happen. What does she invest in? How successful has she been? What kind of income does she expect in retirement and how well does she understand where it will come from?

You don't have to make this an inquisition but you do need to find out sooner than later. Once the Love Bug has bitten common sense flies out the window all too often.

Feel free to PM me for more a more personal discussion on this if you wish. I would be happy to share what I can.

 

[behappy]

BeHappy,

Casually ask her about her financial goals. Is she working towards a specific goal/milestone (pay off something, hit a certain dollar amount in a retirement, investment, or savings account)? Planning on working til death? "when do you see yourself retiring?" "what would you do if you retired today?" I'd refrain from directly asking her about her net worth! Just keep it conversational and casual...expect the same questions back at ya

Fireup

Hi Fireup2025, thanks for the advice. That will work. I will find the right place and time and casually ask. I may even start by casually talking about my plans and use that as a jumping board to ask her about her plans. Thanks again.

 

[behappy]

The best way is to go shopping with her. All kinds of stores...furniture, jewelry, the mall, etc. You will learn fast what she likes and it gives you a chance to see what kind of shopper she is....careful about finding good quality at a good price or name brands regardless of the cost.
......
Feel free to PM me for more a more personal discussion on this if you wish. I would be happy to share what I can.

Hi SteveR, I like your suggestion of taking her shopping! It is non-threatening and sets a casual environment to learn more about her attitude about money, savings, credit card, etc. Thanks also for your offer to PM you. I will if necessary ... like if I crash and burn .