Martha checking in from vacation

HRe: Martha checking in from vacation

Martha: You're young, you'll heal fast. (Those vacations are really dangerous, huh?)

A young man was strolling through the park one afternoon, and engaged an older gentlemen in conversation, talking about their families.

The older gentlemen stated "I didn't think I'd ever remarry, but I did so about 6 mos. ago. My wife is 27 years old, and she promised me that she would quit her employment as a model, if I married her"

How's it working out for you asked the young man?

"Fantastic, stated the older gent. As a matter of fact, about this time everyday, when I get home, my sweet wife has incense burning in the bathroom, where we have an oversized tub, and we bathe together, afterwards, we rub each other down with a special ointment she has, etc. etc."

With that, the older gent starting sobbing.

What's the matter, asked the young man?

"I can't remember where I live"
 
Well . . . you should be proud. You've provided all of us with a great story to tell. And during retirement, that has great value. :D :D :D

Seriously, I moaned out loud when I read your post. Hope you feel better soon, Martha.
 
Hello Martha:

I hope your ankle heals quickly and you're feeling better. Since you're a lawyer, I thought you might enjoy this:

Best Lawyer Story of the Year:

A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires". The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued...and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated, nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires".

NOW FOR THE BEST PART . . .

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA!!!

NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS!!!
 
Hi Martha! That's a bummer. I have no jokes this morning but I wrote you a poem.

We were much distressed to hear
about your recent fracture,
and wish to extend the maximum cheer
our group can manufacture.

JG
 
Martha,

Sorry to hear about your accident. I would try to look at it as an extended (inhouse) vacation. Look at it this way, now your husband has to cook, clean, and walk the dogs, too. :)

Take care,
LovesLife
 
There's a woman sitting in a bar with a chicken in her lap.

A drunk walks up and says: "Where'd you get the pig?"

She snaps at him: "It''s a chicken."

Drunk replies: "I was talking to the chicken."
 
Re: Martha checking in from home

Martha,
Sorry to hear about your accident. I would try to look at it as an extended (inhouse) vacation. Look at it this way, now your husband has to cook, clean, and walk the dogs, too. :)
Take care,
LovesLife
Click to expand...

Unless I am getting confused, (old age will do that), I believe he is already doing that.

Anyway, get healed real soon. At least, it didn't happen on your vacation trip but when you got back to home and work.

MJ :)
 
Thanks all for making me laugh.

My husband's duties remain unchanged since, as MJ noticed, he does most all the work around the house anyway. But I am in a good position on the couch to give helpful hints.

:)
 
Sorry about your accident. So along those lines ...

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to
take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company's lawyer asked him, "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?,"

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the......."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'"

Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and
smacked my truck right in the side.
"I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
"Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
"Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"
 
Feel better soon Martha.

What's the difference between an epileptic corn-husker and a hooker with diarrhea?


The corn-husker shucks between fits.
 
Hi Martha,
I'm apparently behind the times....I just read about your accident.

Heal quickly, but relax meanwhile. Plan your garden for when the ice thaws.
 
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