Mid life crisis?

[RunningBum]

I was 37 when I got the Miata. I suppose that could've been a mid-life crisis, but I felt it was a reward for hitting a financial goal and being able to splurge on something I'd wanted for awhile. I still have it and enjoy it 13 years later, so it wasn't just a fling.

At 39 I ran my first marathon, something I'd always wanted to do, butI felt like it was more a matter of being surrounded by supportive people in a new city, and a bit of wanting to do it before I got too old. I'm still doing them, so again, not just a fling.

FIRE'd at 49, I suppose that could also be called a mid-life crisis, though most here recognize that's not a crisis situation.

 

[flyfishnevada]

I had mine when I was 35. I walked around for a couple years joking I was almost middle aged. Apparently, I believed it and had major depression and anxiety, most related to my health. I was terrified I was dying. Every little physical sensation was cancer, a stroke or a heart attack. I spent a night in bed, writhing in pain and now I understand it was a severe anxiety attack. It took several years to really get over it.

No sports car, motorcycle, etc. Maybe that's coming, but I consider that my mid-life crisis. I've come to terms with my health. It's generally good and I'm probably going to die someday. I don't want to die soon, but I'm OK with it now. Life is short and spending all my time worrying about it is stupid.

 

[Keim]

If a mid-life crisis arises with the sudden realization of one's own mortality, then mine happened in my 30s and led to my early retirement.

Until then, I blindly followed the rules. Work hard in school so I could get into the best college, work hard in college/graduate school so I could get a good job, don't drink, don't smoke, don't party too much, don't do drugs, find the right girl, get married, buy a house... The job turned out to be a disappointment and I started regretting studying so much and not enjoying life enough. So early-retirement has been my way to rebel against conventions and regain control of my life.

Up to the disappointment part I could've written this.

In my very early 30s-ahead of the curve!-I was working a stressful job, and had a new child. Got a call from the Doc telling me I had about a year to live. Fortunately, he followed that up with "unless you have heart catheterization." Had three plus a pacemaker before the problem was (hopefully) permanently alleviated.

Caused a lot of introspection! Result:

1. Learned about E-R, and set-up finances to try to accomplish it in my 50s. This was a by-product of my health scare-I feared what would happen to my young family if I became incapacitated or worse.

2. Changed jobs over the course of the next few years. Found something less stressful.

3. Spend more time w/family. Had another kid. Work half time, and try to be Mr Mom the other half.

4. Started volunteering for Boy Scouts and homeless shelter. Always knew I wanted my work to make a difference for others, but confirmed this.

5. Decided to have more fun with hobbies. Took up beer brewing and bbqing/smoking (As I say, I make all the manly foods.). Always loved music, but have no musical talent 'cept listening. Hand built a killer system: tube amp, pre-amp, phono amp and speakers. Bought/inherited several pieces of antique furniture. Restored them.

6. Personality changed. Formerly very easy going. Became an uptight *******. Eventually found the middle ground between the two. MUCH less willing to put up with BS, much more likely to tell people what I think than before. This is ocassionally problematic .

Just turned 40 this year. Not currently expecting another midlife crisis. I'm hoping the early 30s shocker innoculated me. Plan to add another hobby. Fix up the '76 Monte Carlo! As I like to say, while I can't be restored it can.

I should give mention to a VERY patient and understanding wife that put up with me through all this.

 

[M Paquette]

How many of you went through a major change as you reached 40 plus? How did it manifest?

Oh, it was terrible. I was. Infused, irritable, and generally grumpy.

Then I got the Miata... ;-)

 

[frayne]

Sixty now and still enjoying my midlife crisis, guitars, motorcycles, martinis, fast cars and slow women, life is great. Special thanks to Fender, Yamaha, Ford, Phizer and the makers of Tangruay

Seriously folks, life is short, enjoy your family, friends and don't take yourself too seriously as in the end we all end up as worm food.

 

[Keim]

Oh, it was terrible. I was. Infused, irritable, and generally grumpy.

Then I got the Miata... ;-)

What were you infused with?

 

[Moemg]

I had my mid life crisis early . It was in my thirties . I suddenly felt like I had missed out on a lot by marrying young . I got divorced , bought a sports car and spent a few years catching up with what I perceived I missed . It was a rough spot that luckily ended well .

 

[Lisa99]

At 39 I bought a corvette convertible.

At 40 I bought my Harley (DH already had one)

At 42 I was at a Harley rally and had a serious accident on the bike. I didn't have a helmet on and to this day don't know how I came out with only a broken arm.

Bike was totaled, introspection ensued. DH sold his bike within six months, and the corvette was sold shortly after that.

If that accident hadn't happened I'm not sure we'd have the money we have today and be close to FIRE. It took thinking I was going to die (as I was flying over the bike in the accident) to get a grip on our priorities and our spending...thankfully DH was ready for a lifestyle change as well.

 

[brewer12345]

slow women

So you are dating the residents of the local group home?

 

[frayne]

So you are dating the residents of the local group home?

Yes, especially the ones with walkers and low self esteem.

 

[brewer12345]

Yes, especially the ones with walkers and low self esteem.

Oof, I feel another episode of granny porn is lurking in this somewhere...

 

[audreyh1]

I retired.

But, yes, Brewer, In my 40s I became very jealous of my priorities. That is, we streamlined our lives to make sure our personal priorities took top billing and made the required changes.

 

[FinanceDude]

I never had a mid-life crisis, I didn't get married until my early 30's...........oh the stories I could tell...........

 

[Mulligan]

I never had a mid-life crisis, I didn't get married until my early 30's...........oh the stories I could tell...........

When you are wild and crazy and "sow your wild oates" early in life maybe you don't need to have a mid life crisis. I got to have some of those "stories I could tell" moments too in my 20s and 30's. Frankly the thought of a mid life crisis (Im 47) just sounds too exhausting for me now. I enjoy peace, calm, and enjoyable routines now.

 

[braumeister]

I wouldn't call it a crisis, but I went through an "interesting" period. When the stress built up to an intolerable level, I retired from my first career (military) at 43. Coincidentally, I got married for the first time three days later. Started my second career (technical writer/software project mgr) a few months after that. What a busy year!

As it happened, all went well. Still very happily married 23 years later, and retired from the second career nearly 11 years ago.

If I had that period to do over again, I'd make no changes.

Interestingly, I have a couple of friends who went through fairly typical midlife crises, one with a Miata and the other with a Jeep Wrangler. Both coped well.

IMHO, the best possible type of MLC is what I think I see among many of the denizens of this board. Namely, the decision to take better care of yourself. Lose that spare tire, build some muscle mass, get some regular exercise.

 

[M Paquette]

What were you infused with?

Confusion, mostly. And annoyance at not so smart spelling correctors in touchscreen systems. Or maybe that came later...

 

[Nords]

I do not believe so. However, as I near 40 I have been making some big changes in my life and lifestyle based on some longstanding dissatisfaction with my prior life. So perhaps I am pre-emptively dealing with what would otherwise become one.

Just don't put any of those musings on the firearms application. Especially not if you're buying a rifle with a scope.

In my 40s I retired, grew out my hair, lost some more of it, had my metabolism slow down, overhauled my diet, cut back on my drinking, improved my health, started taekwondo, had some cartilage & ligaments betray me, learned to surf, and became an empty nester. I guess that's an endless series of crises, and I never made time for the fast cars or the hot chicks.

I find that I'm less interested in trying new activities and not doing enough of the ones that I enjoy.

He still has the bike, but got his hair cut...it drove him crazy.

Those ponytails really shed, don't they? Unfortunately both my spouse and my daughter think it's part of my "cool" image. I may have to stick with it for the rest of this decade too.

 

[brewer12345]

I find that I'm less interested in trying new activities and not doing enough of the ones that I enjoy.

Maybe that is just a consequence of other stuff taking ime, like the book, the blog, packing the kid off to college, etc.?

I have little interest in the fast women and cars and the other trappings of the stereotypical mid life crisis. The changes I have been making have been more about making less of a sacrifice of myself and instead doing things I either always enjoyed (but didn't make time for) or always wanted to try. So I spent the bulk of my free time as a boy/teen freshwater fishing, but haven't had time or opportunity to do so much in the last 20 years. I have changed that and it is amazing to see the difference something so simple made. I have a fun thing to do with the kids. After a day in a windowless office yesterday I drove to the lake nearby, changed clothes in the truck and caught half a dozen fish in the sunshine. The exhaustion and mental fogginess went away and I had a great time.

 

[rodi]

Hmmm.
Got married at 38, popped the first kid at 39, 2nd at 41. Some would call that a mid-life crisis.
Even more so for DH. He got married 2 weeks before he turned 48... kids at 49 and 51.

Didn't feel like a crisis. Just seemed like a new life stage. A radically different one, given two long term single people blending their lives... but so far so good. (12 years into the marriage).

 

[scrabbler1]

Switching from working full-time to part-time at age 38 was part of my "mid-life crisis" as was my later compolete retirement at age 45 back in 2008.

However, in the year (2003) I turned 40, a bunch of weird things happened, mostly unrelated, to make that year special. They ranged from relationships with women, family issues, things going on at home, and, very importantly, the end of my telecommuting gig I had for about 2 years at work. While I was allowed to keep working part-time, I had to put in my hours at the office in Jersey City, New Jersey (3 days a week). This brought back much of the long, tiring, and often sickening commute I had mostly rid myself of in 2001. I knew even then that this big change would be my eventual undoing and lead to my resignation at some point. My ER plans which were still in their formation stage, got accelerated greatly, bordering on obsession at times as other pieces fell into place in the next 5 years.

And in was not exactly a coincidence, my ER was exactly 5 years to the day from the end of the telecommuting gig, turning what was a bad anniversary date into a good one!

 

[unclemick]

Hmmm - layed off at 49. Ticked me off so much I never worked full time again.

Went from unemployed slacker to high class ER thanks to this forum.

Still working hard to master the art of watching grass grow and doing nothing in particular.

heh heh heh - that was 1993 - I'm a slow learner.

 

[LauAnn]

Not due to a 'crisis', but in my early 40's I decided to have a new home built, knowing full well that it would delay my ER plans. I don't regret it as it gave me something to focus on and enjoy as the years to ER crept slowly along.

 

[ziggy29]

I think at 46 I'm coming close to a "mid life crisis" point. Between the start of my wife's ministry career to bolster income (and a group health insurance option) and an increasingly unbearable j*b, I'm getting closer and closer to the tipping point where I may just say "to hell with it all" and walk away. That's likely still a ways down the road, but it is in the picture and I expect it to eventually happen.

What I really want to do is get the hell away from it, think about what I want to do (among stuff I have a reasonable chance to attain) and prepare myself for it. More or less it would be a "second career" that would be a semi-retirement. Sometimes DW asks me, "what would you want to do if you could leave your job?" And my usual response is, "I don't want to think about it until quitting is feasible because it would just increase my angst about it."

 

[MichaelB]

Not sure what a mid-life crisis is, but in my early 40's expectations from both family and job were increasing and at the same time I was putting additional demands on myself, and the pace seemed to pick up at that age. It was very difficult to manage the priorities and trade-offs, and much as I'd like to say I handled those moments easily and well that's not the case. It was tough and we have some painful memories.

At work, peers and work buddies dealt with similar issues by quitting to look for job satisfaction elsewhere or getting girlfriends. Not many happy endings there.

 

[davemartin88]

I did the megacorp thing for nearly 30 years- moved 17 times in 30 years for better jobs/more money/new roles, etc. Got to experience a lot of neat things but as I neared 50 years old, I realized that I was pretty close to being financially independent (we hope, lol) so my perspectives changed. Work became a real drain and while I wasn't clinically depressed or anything, I certainly wasn't enjoying myself there anymore.

In 2008, had the opportunity to take a great buy out package and was laid off. I volunteered, they would probably have picked me anyway because with financial independence came less BS tolerance which was pretty low to start with. I retired and we moved to a rural area with acreage, livestock and haven't looked back- still lots of change and new experiences but feel like there is some control this time. DW retires in about 4 weeks, she works for the school system so we hope to be on a long summer vacation!

I guess I didn't have a mid-life crisis, just a mid-life realization?