Need some input (Help)

[RobLJ]

Younger DW intends on working another 6 years to fully vest in her new job's 401k. I'm semi-retired and hope to continue to work part-time online for another two years.
The good part is that the numbers work out (95% and a lot of budget slack) even if she decides to quit next year and if I'm not renewed. If she complains, I'll advise her to retire--which I already have done.
We'll see how it goes. We haven't touched anything after my semi-retirement and move last year and her being out of work for 2 months while changing jobs, so the retirement horde has continued to increase.
If this continues for a year or two, I'll have to to have a talk on whether she really wants to continue working since there is no need. She does like her job a lot--but a grandbaby is on the way.

Sorry to go on a bit of a tangent but I'm getting a kick out of all the replies that are surprised and concerned with the ~10 year gap between retirement dates by the OP and his wife.

I'm in a similar situation where I'm potentially looking to retire within 5 years which has the potential to be about 15 years before my wife. This because of a combo of age difference and because I have a DC pension plan while my wife has a pretty strict DB pension plan.

 

[Aerides]

I think you should split the difference and retire together at some point in the middle.

If this were a situation where you were both FI and ready now, and she wanted to keep working - fine. But it's not, you can't both retire, and you are proposing to put the burden of adding 1/3 to your nest egg to get you to the finish line all by herself.

That has a potential for some very unfortunate changes to marital dynamics, even with the best of intentions and acceptance of your retiring. To be blunt, if you've been pushing this idea you've already done some damage.

She's already not ok with it. That's not going to improve if you go ahead. Find another job, lower pay if need be.

 

[ivinsfan]

I think you should split the difference and retire together at some point in the middle.

If this were a situation where you were both FI and ready now, and she wanted to keep working - fine. But it's not, you can't both retire, and you are proposing to put the burden of adding 1/3 to your nest egg to get you to the finish line all by herself.

That has a potential for some very unfortunate changes to marital dynamics, even with the best of intentions and acceptance of your retiring. To be blunt, if you've been pushing this idea you've already done some damage.

She's already not ok with it. That's not going to improve if you go ahead. Find another job, lower pay if need be.

+1 there is not that large of an gap between the 2 of you. and remember woman generally outlive men, so if the plan doesn't hold up your DW might be the one that runs short of money.

The general advice is to run the numbers, fine tune the budget, etc. but these health insurance issues make that almost a moot point.

Also a couple years added to the timeline should give the ACA changes a chance to shake out. Worst case scenario you need work connected insurance until you both hit 65, what kind of issue is that going to cause.

 

[W2R]

My DW would have been upset if, as she walked out the door each morning for work, I was retired, in PJ's, drinking coffee and reading the paper/computer. Or even worse, I was still in bed.

+1000

A marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not one person sponging off the other. TBH, I don't actually know any women who would put up with being taken advantage of like that, and not eventually demand a divorce. I know I wouldn't. YMMV

 

[Letj]

+1000

A marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not one person sponging off the other. TBH, I don't actually know any women who would put up with being taken advantage of like that, and not eventually demand a divorce. I know I wouldn't. YMMV

So what if your spouse worked really hard and made most or all of money allowing you the option to retire but you chose to continue working? What if it was the wife deciding to retire while he continues to work until 65 because he loves his job? What if he worked for many years while she stayed home and she decided to join the workforce later?

 

[bradaz2488]

Letj +1000


It is not a black & white situation for all couples. I'm in a similar situation at the OP. I have always made 4-5X more then DW. We have no kids. Her money has always been "her" money and we never needed her income to support our high middle class lifestyle. I have always been okay with that and we have never fought over money. With higher salaries usually comes with higher stress. When my j*b become just too much for me to manage and was affecting my health we had a serious & honest conversation about me quitting the job with no plans to going back to work. She was very understanding. Based on the ER plan at the time she would have to work until she is 55 (8 more years) to allow her to save enough to buy "her" stuff like shoes, bags, cloths, make-up, massages, etc... I still and will continue to pay for everything to support our life style out of the saving "I" accumulated over the 25 years. Now 3.5 years later we are good and have had not one fight over my ER decision and she is on tack to retire at 55 (5 more yeast). She understands that she need to take the ownership for saving "her" money for "her" stuff. She is one of the "good" ones and I highly respect her for taking on this ownership.

 

[Lovetoski]

Thanks for the input W2R. Sounds like your opinion on marriage must be the one everyone else should follow.
Just to clarify my wife and I have only been married for a little over a year and keep our savings seperate. Going into the marriage she was aware of my plan for early retirement and is fine with it as long as the financials work out. She probably take less risks than I. I have always contributed significantly more for our expenses and will continue this in retirement. I'm okay with
shouldering higher percentage of the financial burden, but since it sounds like you are the all knowing on this matter I will have a discussion with the wife tonight and let her know she can no longer sponge off me and she must start paying her fair share or we will need to get a divorce. I should not let her take advantage of me any longer.

 

[W2R]

Now now, I'm sorry if my point of view sounded insulting to you. It wasn't meant to be. Obviously you and your wife have things worked out in such a way that both of you are perfectly happy with it and more power to you (both)!

I'm just a harder person to get along with, probably. I never would have married someone with the understanding that he would be, "retired, in PJ's, drinking coffee and reading the paper/computer. Or even worse, [...]still in bed.. " (as brucethebroker put it) while I was headed off to work every morning for 10 of the first 11 years of marriage.

 

[ivinsfan]

Thanks for the input W2R. Sounds like your opinion on marriage must be the one everyone else should follow.
Just to clarify my wife and I have only been married for a little over a year and keep our savings seperate. Going into the marriage she was aware of my plan for early retirement and is fine with it as long as the financials work out. She probably take less risks than I. I have always contributed significantly more for our expenses and will continue this in retirement. I'm okay with
shouldering higher percentage of the financial burden, but since it sounds like you are the all knowing on this matter I will have a discussion with the wife tonight and let her know she can no longer sponge off me and she must start paying her fair share or we will need to get a divorce. I should not let her take advantage of me any longer.

Well you left these important details out of your original post about retiring.So now what is the problem, she is not certain the numbers work or she is trying to control you and "make" you work.howcan you say you "always" contributed more in a marriage of one year..if you have been together longer then you might have more to talk about. You were the one that used the term "hold me back". How did this big change come about in just one year?

Your reply to W2R comes off to me as snarky and condescending considering that she was just expressing her own opinion..no need to take it personally.

 

[Aerides]

So OP, which is it

1st post "My wife is concerned and is trying to hold me back"

or

2nd post "she was aware of my plan...and is fine with it as long as the financials work out"

These are not the same. A partner who says "I am concerned" is not "fine with it".

Your initial post sounds like someone who wants to ignore their partners concerns and go ahead, riding a dependency on their continued employment. Your second sounds like a completely different situation.

Every now and then we do get trolled here though I don't think that's the case here. Just maybe re-read your first post and see why you got the responses you did, and how key details might have helped?

and chill out.

 

[Months.in.Wyoming]

...
-$1.8million invested

Wife
-Plans to retire in 10 years (2027) at age 50

-We Will have combined $2.4 million invested when wife retires

I might be missing something but in 10 years that 1.8mm should be nearly 3mm while putting 80k to you for spending/taxes each year.

I think you are on track - but it's so easy to keep adding to it at your age... Agree just go find another job even one that maybe doesn't even pay the 65k you need - semi retire - doing something you love.