Non-retired Spouses

[ncbill]

I doubt my spouse will retire for at least another decade.

Low-paying job (private school teacher) but she loves it.

 

[jollystomper]

When I retired about 4.5 years ago, DW chose to continue to work (adjunct college professor and private high school teacher). She was very happy that I retired, as my job entailed a lot of travel (including up to 2 days before I retired) and she was glad for me to be around more. I made sure she knew that I did not factor her working income into our retirement financial plans, so she was free to stop working at any time.

As much as she enjoys working with students, after 18 months of seeing how much I was enjoying retirement she began to scale down her teaching load. She stopped altogether after June of last year. Since she was not getting benefits from her jobs, that was not an issue. The misery of trying to teach during the pandemic lockdowns was also a factor. Also, she noticed how all of our joint vacation/activities plans now had to be planned around her schedule, and she did not like that.

She is glad to be retired. She still does what I call "on demand" paid work - teaching piano to a couple of friends children, book language translations are the main ones - but these are more like hobbies for her.

We are a couple that enjoy spending time together, and have a Venn diagram of interests, activities, and friends, so it all works out.

 

[ivinsfan]

That is exactly what we do... We have spent 60+ days camping some place this year. Most of the guys on this trip camped with us at our Daughter's wedding on the 22nd. 2 of them actually jumped in and helped me walk her down the aisle, and stood there to help give her away... Got a great laugh from the crowd.
Unfortunately our camper is down due to a stuck slide out, Made for a tight time at the wedding for 6 days, and now in the shop till parts arrive.

No I'm saying does your spouse get time for solo adventures with her friends like you do?

 

[livingalmostlarge]

Anyone else have a spouse stuck in the grind? Or lived thru that for a while? At times I feel guilty about her still having to work. It also seems she complains a whole lot more to me about crap at work. She currently qualifies for a reduced pension with insurance, but only about 25% of what its would be in about 5 years. We just can't take that kind of hit. At 54/59 we are doing better than we ever had dreamed.

What happens if she retires? Every couple is different but what do the numbers say if she quits and both of you work part-time? Or both don't work? Also if you had the financial means would she quit?

If the answer is yes then you need to sit and decide together. Everyone here keeps saying to be her SAH Spouse but if she really doesn't want to work and wants to retire then the conversation I would think is very different. It doesn't matter how much you take on if she wants to join you in retirement then working just breeds resentment.

I work casually and DH has worked full time mostly. I've always said when you are ready to pull the trigger do it. He used to say not until the kids finish college. But recently it could be in the next few years. I know his job is stressful and a lot of work. So the only thing I can say to him is "it's his call."

Bottom line does your wife want to work? If money wasn't a factor than would she be working? And if it is a factor, are you willing to do something else to allow her the option of quitting?

 

[PatrickA5]

I semi-retired 14 years ago and fully retired 5 years ago. DW has continued working. She might be forced retired early next year as her company is looking to sell. She knows she could have retired at any time during these years, but she enjoys working and the social life at work. She works 4-day weeks and makes very good money in a stress-free environment. I don't push her to retire. It's her choice. I handle most of the stuff around the house except the laundry. She won't let me do that.

 

[old medic]

I handle most of the stuff around the house except the laundry. She won't let me do that.

LMAO.... She wouldn't let me do laundry for many years.... When we first met most of my whites where pinkish do to my roommate putting bleach and a new red sweatshirt in with the wash.

 

[HarveyS]

...At times I feel guilty about her still having to work. ...We just can't take that kind of hit. At 54/59 we are doing better than we ever had dreamed.

You could go back to work...just sayin'.

 

[old medic]

No I'm saying does your spouse get time for solo adventures with her friends like you do?

Well these are her friends to... and she would be going too if we weren't tent camping. Matter of fact one of the guys coming from Ohio wife will be going out with her this weekend.
She had been going to a beach conference with old co-workers once or twice a year till covid hit. Conference ended Friday at noon and then they would stay the weekend. Since then they meet up every couple months for a girls night out.

 

[old medic]

What happens if she retires? Bottom line does your wife want to work? If money wasn't a factor than would she be working?

Once the money isn't a factor, (or as big a factor) she will be retiring.
I understand how she is feeling about work... I was in the same boat. We both love what we do/did, but tired of the BS that went along with it. But you get this trapped feeling because you have invested a majority of your life into this approaching finish line.

 

[old medic]

You could go back to work...just sayin'.

They are still asking me to come back, made several different offers, options.
Not a chance. I worked almost 2 extra years past my 100% retirement date. I have done some side work with my tractor but thats been more to help someone out, not for the money.

 

[old medic]

We’re both retired now, and about 3x FI due to her working longer, so there was an upside.

We could make manage to get by if she retired now, but it would very tight, and I would need to start SS @ 62. But her working a few more years would have us about the same. Funny thing is although I brought home more money over the years, If she continues, her full pension check will be more than mine...

 

[old medic]

Thanks again to everyone for the input and stories...
I'll be back in a few days...

 

[YVRRocketSurgery]

I retired this past April at 50yo and the missus is still working. She's a few years younger than me though. We have enough for her to retire but she doesn't feel ready to retire yet. A few years ago, she felt she could work until 60yo but I think the grind is finally catching up to her, particular due to starting a new job and having to prove herself again to her new management team and peers. She is though, after the job change, making more than I did when I retired. But I think she's now more agreeable to retiring when she hits 50yo too. We also agreed that if work became too unbearable or if she got pushed out, that she would consider retiring.

She initially didn't love the fact that I was retiring because she didn't want me to be a blob at home. However, I think she's more agreeable to it because I'm taking on a larger share of the household chores and trip planning which gives her a lot more free time. And I'm finding doing chores more enjoyable now that I'm not drained from work.

She also does a hybrid work schedule, working from home 3 days a week and in the office 2 days. Working from home helps a lot. I also think she likes the fact that I drive her into the office at least once a week because she hates driving. It's win/win because I get to walk around the seawall with a morning starbucks.

 

[lambie]

i just quit

My husband retired - I had 6 years to go... I just quit; and my retirement is waiting till I reach those six years nd not lose 30-40%. We don't have the income now but don't take the hit. One edge though. I was left an annuity when my Mom died that lasts for 5 years so I had a "bridge" to contribute to household income.

 

[Oakster]

Anyone else have a spouse stuck in the grind? Or lived thru that for a while? At times I feel guilty about her still having to work. It also seems she complains a whole lot more to me about crap at work. She currently qualifies for a reduced pension with insurance, but only about 25% of what its would be in about 5 years. We just can't take that kind of hit. At 54/59 we are doing better than we ever had dreamed.

I would probably keep working if both of us could not afford to retire. I would not feel right about not working while my wife was unhappy going to work. The thing is though, I am really enjoy my job and am still very happy coming to work every day. I often come to work on days I take vacation (but I wear shorts, lol). When I am off work, I wonder what everyone else is doing at work and if I could be getting the leg up on our competitors etc. I know my wife does not enjoy the work as much as I do. We also work in the same office, so if I started staying home and she was making the same working routine, she would not be happy.

 

[SecondAttempt]

My partner REALLY wants to retire now. She is a teacher so "now" is May when school ends. I could retire now, as in tomorrow. But that would be so demoralizing to her that I can't do it to her. We have agreed on May 2024 to retire together. That is one more year for her and for me. I don't hate my job but would retire sooner if not for her. She likes teaching but is ready to move on, especially anytime the administrator flex their power. Her date is tied to state pension rules.

 

[old medic]

Her date is tied to state pension rules.

Same here with the Wife. Needs 30 years or be 60 or its reduced benefits..

 

[pacergal]

Same here with the Wife. Needs 30 years or be 60 or its reduced benefits..

Ah--the golden handcuffs! That's what I had also, could have retired at 54 with 30 years, but needed age 60 for specific retiree medical, which was a significant worth to us.

 

[old medic]

Ah--the golden handcuffs!
could have retired at 54 with 30 years, but needed age 60 for specific retiree medical

Golden Handcuffs... I LOVE IT !!!!! It fits the situation perfect. Besides, she carries handcuffs and shackles for work.