Fedup
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
I admit, I gave up reading the article, it was not written well. I have ADD so it doesn't help.
That being said, I think the article needs a little tightening up. I'm not getting a good flow from point A to point B to point C to conclusion, it feels like it jumps around a bit. It also may suffer a little from the "using 5 words when you could use 2" issue. These are common issues with young writers. I think she's got some serious potential, but needs to hone her craft.
That being said, I think the article needs a little tightening up. I'm not getting a good flow from point A to point B to point C to conclusion, it feels like it jumps around a bit. It also may suffer a little from the "using 5 words when you could use 2" issue. :