Opinions: Why do some marry over and over?

[WhoDaresWins]

I was married once and was content to be so (we met very young and married in our early twenties). It was a lot of work on both of our parts at times but fortunately the good times outweighed the bad.
I was widowed 8 years ago and I don't think I would marry again. It is all I can do to manage my own life these days. I think I must lack the skill set(or whatever you want to call it) to take on something new in the area of domestic relations. That, and I'm a bit selfish and lazy
I have been asked out on dates a couple of times over the last few years (a co-worker, a colleague of my husband's) but these fellows had caveat emptor written all over them given what I knew of their past marital histories.
Also, anything I have in the way of assets when the end comes for me is going to my son, no question about this in my mind.

Most of my friends are either long-married to their one and only spouse or divorced after one marriage with no inclination to take the plunge again unless some perfect specimen presented himself and met a laundry list of "must haves".

 

[Tigger]

If you start a poll, make sure to include options for serial non-marriers.

I've always avoided marriage, but have had a number of long relationships. I'm in one actually.

 

[Khan]

If you start a poll, make sure to include options for serial non-marriers.

I've always avoided marriage, but have had a number of long relationships. I'm in one actually.

Had some of them also. Only one marriage.

 

[Moemg]

I was married twice . First time for ten years then six years as a single Mom . Second marriage lasted until I was widowed at 51 . If that had not happened we would have still been together . Now I am in a long term ( eleven year ) relationship . I enjoyed living alone since I am an introvert but I also enjoy an easy companionship .

 

[haha]

or divorced after one marriage with no inclination to take the plunge again unless some perfect specimen presented himself and met a laundry list of "must haves".

Right, and this is as likely as a snowstorm in Miami on July 4!

My tango partner was telling me today that another woman friend of hers landed a tango partner, but "she isn't satisfied because he doesn't have that classic Argentine style." This is really funny because her friend looks about like Ma Kettle. If anybody is willing to dance with her she should light some candles in his honor. All I can say for a lot of these gals is they owe their comfort to whoever invented the vibrator.

Ha

 

[Moemg]

All I can say for a lot of these gals is they owe their comfort to whoever invented the vibrator.

Ha

and eveready batteries !

 

[devans0]

Put in backwards ....

 

[HFWR]

Put in backwards ....

Does that result in moregasm?

 

[Ready-4-ER-at-14]

I knew an older lady who had outlived so many husbands (that she obviously loved dearly) that cemetery arrangements became problematic or even visiting all the scattered grave sites became an ordeal in old age.

She solved her problem by buying a number of burial plots and arranging to have the husbands replanted at each side of her and above her head and below her feet.

 

[KingB]

If you start a poll, make sure to include options for serial non-marriers.

I've always avoided marriage, but have had a number of long relationships. I'm in one actually.

Also include the longest and shortest relationships.

 

[kumquat]

My SIL has been married 3 times. Buried all three of them. Who wants to be next?

DW & I have been married for, let's see 2011-1977=34 (can't be, I don't feel that old) years. If something was to happen to DW, I might consider cohabiting with another female, marriage or not. However, here in the Frozen North, if you live with her a year, the gobmint says you are/were married for all financial purposes. One way or another, a guy is screwed.

 

[52andout]

So many people cheat or start a new relationship thinking life will be good as long as they find "the right person". Yet when the initial hormone high wears off and the daily drudgery takes its toll, their new relationship often becomes unsatisfactory too.

I have seen this many times as well

Funny story, we were with two other couples, all of us married over 35 years. Another of our friends had recently gotten divorced and both were in new "head over heels" relationships. I casually mentioned how I could not imagine being intimate with another man after 40 years in a monogamous relationship. The women seemed to totally understand, but the men, they had this look on their face, like are you crazy?

 

[KingB]

However, here in the Frozen North, if you live with her a year, the gobmint says you are/were married for all financial purposes. One way or another, a guy is screwed.

Not just the guy. The gal is screwed also.

 

[omni550]

Right, and this is as likely as a snowstorm in Miami on July 4!

My tango partner was telling me today that another woman friend of hers landed a tango partner, but "she isn't satisfied because he doesn't have that classic Argentine style." This is really funny because her friend looks about like Ma Kettle. If anybody is willing to dance with her she should light some candles in his honor. All I can say for a lot of these gals is they owe their comfort to whoever invented the vibrator.

Ha

Ha,

Bizarre thinking is not uncommon, even in men. This reminds me of a conversation at a dance the other night.

A guy who's trim, very fit, and a great dancer, used to date/hang out with a gal (who's also trim, very fit, and a great dancer). They are both in their early 50s. She used to be in the Olympics for bicycling. She has maintained her trimness and fitness, as she still rides, roller blades, skis, works out, etc. The two of them were longtime buddies, as they shared a multitude of activities and interests. After a long time of dating, he stated that she wasn't tall enough for him, so they could not possibly get married...so he broke off the relationship. (For the record, he's 6' tall and she's 5'6".) WTF?

omni

 

[Sue J]

The two of them were longtime buddies, as they shared a multitude of activities and interests. After a long time of dating, he stated that she wasn't tall enough for him, so they could not possibly get married...so he broke off the relationship. (For the record, he's 6' tall and she's 5'6".) WTF?

omni

That sounds like he was just looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship. Or he's really, really shallow.

I have a friend who is mid 30's and single. She'd love to find someone but her first criteria is that he be at least 6' since she is 5'10". Right there she's eliminated a large chunk of the male population.

 

[Texas Proud]

A few comments on all the newer posts....


You do NOT have to get remarried... there is living together... or even not living together and being together as a couple... many varieties of relationships...

The problem comes when one wants marriage and the other just FWB... or even a few FWB...


I am surprised that you are considered married if you live together for one year in the frozen North.... here, you have to present yourself as 'married'... IOW, if you keep everything separate etc. etc. and do not tell people you are married... then you are not... if you act married, and tell everybody you are... then you are according to the law... it does not take a years time.... you could do it quickly....

 

[freebird5825]

Married once for 20 years after a 5 year engagement. Widowed.

Lived together and engaged (his idea, a serial marrier) 3.5 years in a 4.5 year relationship. My mistake was to be that serious with the wrong person, with me on a widow's rebound. A very good lesson learned for me. C'est la vie.

Living together now with occasional discussion of marriage in a very casual manner, i.e. way down the road. No rush on either part. We are both happy with the current arrangement.

 

[haha]

Ha,

Bizarre thinking is not uncommon, even in men. This reminds me of a conversation at a dance the other night.

A guy who's trim, very fit, and a great dancer, used to date/hang out with a gal (who's also trim, very fit, and a great dancer). They are both in their early 50s. She used to be in the Olympics for bicycling. She has maintained her trimness and fitness, as she still rides, roller blades, skis, works out, etc. The two of them were longtime buddies, as they shared a multitude of activities and interests. After a long time of dating, he stated that she wasn't tall enough for him, so they could not possibly get married...so he broke off the relationship. (For the record, he's 6' tall and she's 5'6".) WTF?

omni

Agree-WTF. Maybe he somehow thought that this was a more easily accepted excuse than whatever was really on his mind- like maybe he had never had any intention of considering marriage, and he just didn't want her to realize that she had been strung along all the time.

But I do realize that many men, perhaps especially men in dance comunities, think that they are demi-gods. A lot of delusion out there on both sides of the room!

Ha

 

[FinanceDude]

Living together now with occasional discussion of marriage in a very casual manner, i.e. way down the road. No rush on either part. We are both happy with the current arrangement.

Most men would be ok with your arrangement.......... I tried to, but couldn't talk my girlfriend at the time (now DW) into it..........

 

[Tigger]

After a long time of dating, he stated that she wasn't tall enough for him, so they could not possibly get married...so he broke off the relationship. (For the record, he's 6' tall and she's 5'6".) WTF?

WTF indeed.

There is of course the possibility that he has a fetish for tall girls.

I'm somewhat afflicted with the opposite: as a tall person, I find tiny women particularly adorable.

 

[freebird5825]

Most men would be ok with your arrangement..........
I tried to, but couldn't talk my girlfriend at the time (now DW) into it..........

Funny thing is...I'm the foot-dragger when it comes to matrimony. Hell I was engaged for 5 years for my first and only marriage. But my husband stuck it out and waited until I was ready for the wedding march at age 25. He was 30.

Mr B will be 60 in August and I will be 53 in September. He relishes the kudos the guys give him for "robbing the cradle". I prefer older men, i.e. I don't like to babysit. <dodges a rotten tomato>

I am past giving a damn about what people think. As if I ever did...
But I think he wants to get married more than I want to. I have to admit that I like that. However, I am off limits until I turn 55 due to federal survivor benefits rules. Heeheee...

 

[omni550]

WTF indeed.

There is of course the possibility that he has a fetish for tall girls.

I'm somewhat afflicted with the opposite: as a tall person, I find tiny women particularly adorable.

Regardless of his possible fetish for tall girls, etc. My contention is...her height was obvious from the get-go (and didn't change)...unlike some other characteristics which may not initially be obvious or may change over time.

omni

 

[Redbugdave]

What goes through my mind with this thread...I don't think many men could afford a couple divorces and expect to ER or retire at all, (unless financially independant already...and then maybe not). I have seen this in some of my friends and would not want to be in their shoes. Women can have a few divorces under their belt since the legal system is still set up in their favor.

I don't have a clue why people, (mainly men), would marry over and over other than love is blinding and all logic goes out the door.

Financial independance and divorces do not correlate unless it is amongst movie stars and CEO's.

 

[Khan]

Funny thing is...I'm the foot-dragger when it comes to matrimony. Hell I was engaged for 5 years for my first and only marriage. But my husband stuck it out and waited until I was ready for the wedding march at age 25. He was 30.

Mr B will be 60 in August and I will be 53 in September. He relishes the kudos the guys give him for "robbing the cradle". I prefer older men, i.e. I don't like to babysit. <dodges a rotten tomato>

I am past giving a damn about what people think. As if I ever did...
But I think he wants to get married more than I want to. I have to admit that I like that. However, I am off limits until I turn 55 due to federal survivor benefits rules. Heeheee...

I was the foot-dragger on getting married, finally agreed because I had no insurance as a grad student.

I tend to like them younger.

Guess I could be 'a catch' as I have great med insurance & a decent pension.

 

[obgyn65]

I have never been married and intend to stay that way. I have no idea why some people marry over and over.

Anyone here want to venture an opinion--or have you found some actual data--on why some people marry over and over again? I'm talking like 5 times or more.