Paging Martha and any other lawyer types...

[OAG]

Nice reason to buy an annuity that pays $1,400 a month for the 13 or so years it may be necessary for. Then your financial obligation is satisfied and if you have enough other assets to RE you could go for it. Fortunately, some may say unfortunately, your financial obligation to your children is far from the only obligation.

 

[Orchidflower]

Sam, I am down to earth. Are you trying to imply that an equal number of father's take on the total responsibility of their children after a divorce? Then you, my friend, are the one out of touch.
I am certainly not saying that every mother is a saint. I've had girlfriends who had custody of their children, and resented the hell out of it. Why? Because they wanted to party and be free. And, frankly, it made me sick, because they literally spent so little time with their kid(s) as they felt they could get away with. Always putting them in day care or at a friend's or family member's house. And I always felt sorry for their children, because kids do know when they are loved and wanted. You hurt FOR them (the kids, that is) and wonder what will become of them later.
But, facts are facts, it is most often--by far--the woman who takes the responsibility for the children and has them in her care after a divorce, whether by her choice or the Judge's decision.
And, whether you want to admit it on this board or not, there is a whole shi*load of fathers out there who leave...and never contact the kids or send money for their upkeep.
And I did NOT say every father was bad, did I? No, I did not. Some fathers really bend over backwards to see and care for their kids. Some are wonderful, and it is the mother who is the mean and vindictive one.
HOWEVER, there are waaaaaaaay too many fathers who leave...and that's all they ever do for their kids: no support, no visits, nothing. Are you going to argue with statistics?

 

[Sam]

But, facts are facts, it is most often--by far--the woman who takes the responsibility for the children and has them in her care after a divorce, whether by her choice or the Judge's decision.

And why did Judges decided that way? I would guess that because most of the times, it makes more sense for the male to continue to work to earn money to support the now broken family. The other way would results in catatrosphic financial disaster for all parties involved.

And, whether you want to admit it on this board or not, there is a whole shi*load of fathers out there who leave...and never contact the kids or send money for their upkeep.

I don't have statitics on this matter as I have never attempted to study the subject. My observation during my 30 years stay in this country tell me there are a large number of women who simply leave. They don't even bother filing for a divorce.

And I did NOT say every father was bad, did I?

It would be totally unreasonable and childish for anyone to say that. But you implied (my interpretation of reading your writing) that men are mostly the bad guys in divorces. You also implied (interpretation again) that most women are victims in those divorces.

You can have the last word. I will no longer reply to you on this thread/subject.

 

[Lancelot]

Do you have a decent relationship with your ex-wife? If so, why don't you ask her how she feels about it? If you explained that you could actually save her time and money by picking the kids up from school, taking them to practices and games, doctor's appointments, feeding them at your place three or four days a week, etc. she may be fine with a reduced child support. If so, your two lawyers could work out the paperwork and you wouldn't have to go back to court, I wouldn't think.

But to go to court and have your your ex hear of this first through legal means sounds like a bad idea to me. JMO.

FWIW, talking this over with you ex and having her in agreement is VERY important. The custodial parent has enormous influence with the children and maintaining good relations with her is in your best interests.

 

[dumpster56]

1400 X 12 16,800 and they do not live with you? I am guessing you get to have 1 or 2 of the kids as your write off dependent on your income tax.



I do like the idea of buying the annuity for a set time for the 1400 a month and be done with the financial obligation at 18, however as a parent the financial obligation only gets bigger after 18 with college weddings and such. Man good luck, the wife left you ugh, sorry man.

 

[Fireup2020]

Since she left him, I doubt she will be thrilled with his ideas - or letting him spend more time with the kids. Opinion only. My heart goes out to you 2Cor...good luck & hopefully your kids will appreciate your efforts when they are old enough to 'get it'

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Here's the thing. We don't know all of the details of the OP's divorce, or exactly why his wife left him and received custody of the kids. His question relates to ER, which unfortunately is not likely going to be a possibility -- even if his wife agrees. There's the little test in the law called "best interests of the child", and neither parent can waive child support. Thus, a judge will do what is in the best interests of the OP's three kids, which in all likelihood the judge believes he or has already done by awarding $1,300 in child support. If the OP were disabled or unable to work, that would be one thing. Simply wanting a reduction in child support payments in exchange for promising to spend more time with his kids won't likely do much.

As a general matter, however, I consider the entire child support system to be inherently unfair to fathers, since in most cases they never get the choice as to whether they want primary or full custody. There is no requirement in the law for custodial mothers to account for the child support they receive. Finally, there are even numerous cases of men being held responsible to pay child support for children that aren't even theirs.

 

[haha]

Finally, there are even numerous cases of men being held responsible to pay child support for children that aren't even theirs.

The great state of Washington is a world leader in this "support your wife's love child" movement. Really fun for the cuckold, and massively enhances his self esteem.

Ha

 

[Caroline]

...good luck & hopefully your kids will appreciate your efforts when they are old enough to 'get it'

Alas, this comment reminds me of a sad story, for what it's worth...

A friend of mine wanted a divorce 30 years ago -- he had two very young children at the time. His wife (enraged at this turn of events) offered to let him have the house and forgo child support if he'd give up all rights to the kids. But he loved his kids and refused the deal.

A year or so later she moved them to Florida with her new spouse, fought tooth and nail against his every visit, and in the meantime filled the kids with every negative thing she could make up about him. Despite a costly long-distance battle to see them, and the judge's eventually ordering the ex-wife to bring them to court "with their suitcases packed," he couldn't overcome the handicap of her influence. His kids never did grow "old enough to get it."

His daughter does not speak to him and got married without his knowing about it. His son doesn't return his calls. It's incredibly sad to see his eyes tear up when he talks about it.

Sigh. I don't mean to be a downer here, but we haven't yet taked about what the children will think about this move. It seems that any divorced parent who loves their kids might want to examine every action from their point of view. And this includes thinking about the long-term ramifications of pissing off the other spouse.

Yes, he or she may have done terrible things, may have hurt you, may have been evil incarnate. But a parent has tremendous power over young children's minds and the attitudes they'll carry for the rest of their lives.

One might want to think long and hard before giving an ex-spouse the ammunition to tell a kid that "you can't (do that / have that / go there) because Daddy doesn't want to pay for you anymore."

 

[haha]

One might want to think long and hard before giving an ex-spouse the ammunition to tell a kid that "you can't (do that / have that / go there) because Daddy doesn't want to pay for you anymore."

One other poster touched in this important but very non-PC aspect. Just as history is written by the survivors, attitudes in children are often formed by the parent who is present. Some custodial parents are very fair and go out their way to let the kids have the best experience possible in the circumstances with the other parent. But plenty others do just the opposite, indulging in various manipulations to poison the atmosphere with the other parent.

I think a non-custodial parent, usually of course the father, basically has to ask himself “should I cut my losses and exit this whole situation, or should I try to salvage whatever I can?”. Cause salvage is what it is. If you stay, I agree with Caroline-always ask yourself “how might this act or statement that I am considering be spun against me?”

Things can turn out better than you ever might have thought though. I know a woman who essentially tried to bankrupt her husband as they were going through divorce. She was truly vindictive and even did things to hurt him that easily could have backfired on her.

But once that was over, she has been great at providing access to the Dad under basically friendly and supportive terms. She hates her ex, but she wants her son to have a good relationship with his Dad, and she facilitates and supports that.

 

[Callie]

I feel sorry for lots of divorced fathers who work to do the right thing. My hub was asked to leave their home because his wife decided she was gay after 18 years of marriage. He had to leave his kids. He was heartbroken. She moved in a 22 year old woman that week.

He pays about 30K per year in child support (2kids), pays 100% insurance, all activities, etc. He also pays 100% of college - she is supposed to pay but said she can't. He has to pay child support and college at the same time.

She is underemployed on purpose. She has the capacity to earn 100K or more, but took a job at a school earning 50K so she could have summers off. the youngest is 13.

She is not a terrible person or anything, just self absorbed.

I second the suggestion to talk to your ex. She may want the help with the kids.

 

[dumpster56]

Don't marry self absorbed people,

 

[Moemg]

[ make darn sure its for ever!![/quote]


Interesting just how do you do that ? I'm sure a lot of us would like to know .

 

[dumpster56]

[ make darn sure its for ever!!

Interesting just how do you do that ? I'm sure a lot of us would like to know .[/quote]


Luck I guess