Poll...Marry ever or again?

[FinanceDude]

I enjoy these lifestyle threads. (Thanks bbbamI!) As people we know a lot about life from personal experience and direct observation. Whereas much of what we "know" about politics or economics or investing is nothing more than social attitudes blowing in the wind.

I think for many older people the biggest block to forming live-in relationships is that other people's attitudes annoy us, and ours them. Just reading personal ads is hilarious. What we really need is someone of the desired sex who is pleasant, self-supporting, presentable looking and who wants some involvement with us.

Instead, what do people advertise? How green they are. If I needed green I would buy a bag of spinach.

I have met plenty women that I enjoy immensely. But I couldn't bear to give up an iota of life-autonomy to any of them. Some won't go in a Wal*Mart. Not because they hate the ambiance, but because of "cruel labor practices". One woman lost her job and health insurance. She was worried about being able to buy her generic medicines which she said cost her like $30 each at the local druggist. So I told her she could get almost any generic at Wal-Mart for $4/mo or $10/3mos. "Oh, I couldn't deal at Wal-Mart." OK lady, be prepared to get sick. But not with me around.

Others boycott Starbucks, not because of the coffee but because of some supposed international labor or environmental atrocities. I wanted to take someone to some really good free jazz on a Sunday afternoon at a concept-trial coffee house run by Starbucks. Seattle is full of excellent coffee houses, and this one is up near the top, plus the free music. "Oh, I can't patronize Starbucks- can we do something else?" " No, nunca. Hasta la vista, bebé.

It is like living in a loony bin full of people with half baked ideas more suitable to a 15 year old.

All Adam and Eve had to do was to find their sexual complement. Now we have to match soap preferences, use or non-use of perfume or after-shave, or attitudes toward recyclables sorting.

Here are some demographics about household size and trends:

Seattle Prior Censuses: 1900 - 2000 Population & Housing Trends, Population Trends: Living Alone
One person households Opportunities for consumer goods companies > Euromonitor archive

You are in Seattle, right? LOTS of "green folks" hanging out there. Come to the MidWest, we like Starbucks and Walmart!!

 

[Khan]

I have to agree that it is difficult to break in a new person to your quirks . It took us a few years to come to a super smooth relationship . I do like living with my So . We dated for a year and a half before we moved in together and living together is a whole different thing than dating . It requires a lot more intimacy on a day to day basis but it offers rewards if it is the right person . I like the easy companionship ,the daily routines that are shared, having someone around when you are ill , a travel companion and the built in handyman but if something happened to him I would not date or look for another companion .

It would be nice to have a companion/assistant; I can't imagine that anyone would put up with my weirdness.

Mother realized 50 years ago that I would 'end up alone'.

 

[W2R]

It would be nice to have a companion/assistant; I can't imagine that anyone would put up with my weirdness.

Well, you never know! I'm sure there is someone out there for you right now, who is probably thinking he would never find a compatible companion either.

 

[Westernskies]

But you LIKE bucking the status quo, you know you do!!! Many of us might prefer to expend our energy in other endeavors.

Sometimes, It's just hard to follow the flockers...

 

[haha]

A lot of the attitudes you describe and object to are stereotypical northwest coast attitudes, though. Who would expect to move to Seattle or Portland and not be immersed in a culture that was "green"?

Well, I've lived here almost 40 years, and I can tell you that the transformation has been large. From Jet City to weirdness capitol. Also, I live right at km 0, weirdness central, but much of the weirdness I rather enjoy. So I don't even move 1 mile away where it is less weird.

No way would I leave. Last night I went to jazz with two young couples that I met in different buildings where I lived. Mostly in the laundry rooms. I always enjoy being with these people, and although I assume they are poitically liberal that does not come into my relationships with them. I feel great affection for them, and that is what counts to all of us. Also, it blows my mind what incredibly talented musicians are playing for free, and compared to New York for example how nice everyone is.

Politics etc. only matter when one would be considering giving the other person some control-as when relations go from a la carte to today's special. I know no American who did not have to cede a fair amount of autonomy when s/he entered into a "committed relationship". What is a committed relationship, other than a pledge to do certain things only with the mate, to give her rights of first refusal on others, and perhaps to avoid certain possibly attractive activites altogether? (Because she does not like them, or approve of them.)


I am just commenting on what must be behind so many people choosing to be alone, whether they admit it or not.

I am not looking for Ms Right; I wouldn't want her if I bumped into her.

I do like freedom. If I get sick I hope friends and family will help out as I help them. Anyway, I am not living my life to minimize the discomfort of illness.

Ha

 

[REWahoo]

Well, I've lived here almost 40 years, and I can tell you that the transformation has been large. From Jet City to weirdness capitol. Also, I live right at km 0, weirdness central, but much of the weirdness I rather enjoy. So I don't even move 1 mile away where it is less weird.

And absolutely none of that weirdness has rubbed off on you, right?

 

[haha]

And absolutely none of that weirdness has rubbed off on you, right?

OK, sure, most of it.

 

[BTravlin]

I have heard that most of the weirdness in Washington and Oregon came by way of the transplants from California. Is that true?

 

[HFWR]

And absolutely none of that weirdness has rubbed off on you, right?

Maybe not, but I bet he's tried to rub up against some of it...

 

[haha]

I have heard that most of the weirdness in Washington and Oregon came by way of the transplants from California. Is that true?

I am not enough of a historian to know, but I think not. First of all, it really isn't Washington, it's more the city of Seattle, central Bellingham, Olympia and a few smaller enclaves. (San Juans, Conway, etc.)

Seattle's founding fathers were New England Puritans. Many of the early white settlers were Scandinavian. Norwegians mostly fishing, and Swedes mostly logging and farming.

Early on there was a strong and violent labor movement in Puget Sound. The Wobblies were prominant in the early 20th century.
Industrial Workers of the World - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I think Puget Sound has always been politically liberal. We are essentially a trading and exporting hub, looking out to Asia for our continued prosperity, and to the entire world given our software industry. Exporting and software are famously liberal industries.

I don't know where the green thing somes from. From my POV it misses the point. We have many things we should do to imprve the environment, but sorting tin cans is not very high on the list as I see it.

Ha

 

[Moemg]

Each to his or her own. Some couples live together and other, equally happy/intimate couples just don't and have every right to their own preferences as well.

Absolutely and I was not referring to your relationship I'm sure it's great . I was just using the term intimacy to mean you have to deal with the messy parts ( illness , bad moods , bathroom routines , snoring , etc.) rather than being able to escape to your own abode . So that probably was not the right word for what I was trying to get across .

 

[ksr]

We do! I agree.

I often refer to Frank as My Dear Friend Frank but that doesn't really get the point across. That's the best I can come up with. Significant Other is indeed a mouthful and makes me want to ask, "Other what? Huh?" I could never figure that out. Boyfriend is indeed ridiculous at our ages and doesn't imply much commitment.

I'm in the same situation. We live together and most people that don't know us very well assume we're married. That's fine with me, but I need a better way to refer to him when talking to someone I don't know.

It's easy on the internet to refer to him as my SO. In person, I sometimes refer to him as my Other Half. Once people get to know me, they know his name and I just refer to him by name. And if it's a situation where I'll never see the other person again (like a repairman at the house, for example), I might refer to him as my husband. I figure they're not really that interested in whatever legal ties do or don't bind us.

 

[bbbamI]

What we really need is someone of the desired sex who is pleasant, self-supporting, presentable looking and who wants some involvement with us.

I agree......

Instead, what do people advertise? How green they are. If I needed green I would buy a bag of spinach.

People could dance a little easier if they would only let their hair down.

 

[bbbamI]

according to dictionary.com, the definition of intimacy is:

1. the state of being intimate.

2. a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.

3. a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc.: an intimacy with japan.

4. an act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like: to allow the intimacy of using first names.

5. an amorously familiar act; liberty.

6. sexual intercourse.

7. the quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar: the intimacy of the room.

8. privacy, esp. As suitable to the telling of a secret: in the intimacy of his studio

Well...now that I really know the definition of intimacy I realize just how busy I've been.

I'm exhausted....

 

[W2R]

Well...now that I really know the definition of intimacy I realize just how busy I've been.

I'm exhausted....

And don't you dare skip anything or the "intimacy police" will be out to get you! Just kidding.

 

[freebird5825]

...and compared to New York for example how nice everyone is.
Ha

HEY! I heard that!

There is such a thing as a nice Noo Yawker.

 

[WhoDaresWins]

HEY! I heard that!

There is such a thing as a nice Noo Yawker.

Quite true, FB. I spent some happy years in Manhattan, Queens and Nassau Co. and knew many fine people. A couple of my closest friends have since retired to FL, but I still consider them Noo Yawkers and remember those days fondly. I went to college in Manhattan and my son was born on Long Island. I like upstate, too. It is a beautiful place to live.

 

[Purron]

I've known many people over the years who lived together in the same home but drifted apart and were no longer intimate. I've also know people who lived in different dwellings but were super intimate.

Over all, I'd have to say there is a different level of intimancy in living together. Rolling over in the middle of the night and feeling that body next to yours every night. Sharing the same space and time and stuff. Lots of things.

 

[FinanceDude]

A relationship with someone without intimacy is called........a roommate........

 

[freebird5825]

Quoted from W2R's post...According to dictionary.com, the definition of intimacy is:
1. the state of being intimate.
2. a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
3. a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc.: an intimacy with Japan.
4. an act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like: to allow the intimacy of using first names.
5. an amorously familiar act; liberty.
6. sexual intercourse.
7. the quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar: the intimacy of the room.
8. privacy, esp. as suitable to the telling of a secret: in the intimacy of his studio.

Alex, I'll take #6 for $600.

And I'll pass on the group part of #2.

 

[Dreamer]

I will have been married for 38 years come Oct. I am 57 yrs old. I can't imagine being married to anyone else. I would never say never, but it would be extremely dislikely. I only lived by myself for a very short time during my teens. I enjoy spending time by myself, but I can't imagine what it would be like to know that I would live by myself for the rest of my life. I think that my house would start to feel very empty. I would imagine with time that you would get used to it. I would hope that I would keep active and social and not become a hermit. I can't imagine the whole dating scene again. I am in the category of people that are glad that their spouse puts up with us and our peculiarities! I probably don't have to think about this too much, as DH's family genes are better than mine.

 

[Onward]

Now we have to match soap preferences, use or non-use of perfume or after-shave, or attitudes toward recyclables sorting.

Call me cynical (you wouldn't be the first), but haha is touching on something that I have long thought is the core of the issue--namely that love and marriage in the abstract are wonderful things (maybe the most wonderful things of all), but modern, post-industrialized "life" is terrible soil in which to try to grow a healthy romatic relationship, or keep it alive. Everything from inferiority-inducing magazine covers to the silent desperation of the typical job works against healthy, stable, romantic relationships.

While I'm at it, I have another theory that I'd like to get input on: I think so many men need Viagra not because they have medical problems, or are stressed, or whatever they may claim, but simply because they are with women who don't excite them any more. I suspect half the men who need Viagra, if they somehow took up with a Victoria´s Secret model, might never need Viagra again.

BTW, I've never been married, never taken Viagra/Cialis/whatever, and never needed it.

What do you think?

 

[bbbamI]

While I'm at it, I have another theory that I'd like to get input on: I think so many men need Viagra not because they have medical problems, or are stressed, or whatever they may claim, but simply because they are with women who don't excite them any more. I suspect half the men who need Viagra, if they somehow took up with a Victoria´s Secret model, might never need Viagra again.

I think lasting passion is not about a Victoria's Secret model (I'm sure I'll get a lot of flack on that statement) it's in part about the need to feel desired. IMO, passion is not about the outside package as we all change with time. Passion lives deep in the heart and soul.

 

[freebird5825]

While I'm at it, I have another theory that I'd like to get input on: I think so many men need Viagra not because they have medical problems, or are stressed, or whatever they may claim, but simply because they are with women who don't excite them any more. I suspect half the men who need Viagra, if they somehow took up with a Victoria´s Secret model, might never need Viagra again.

BTW, I've never been married, never taken Viagra/Cialis/whatever, and never needed it.

What do you think?

My input is there is no better way to cause a man to be unaroused than to treat him badly. I see this too many times in couples I know casually.
A woman needs to treat a man with respect and vice-versa.
If there is a medical situation or medications like high BP pills are the culprit, by all means break out the little blue "footballs".
And have patience! We ain't 20 anymore.

 

[HFWR]

My input is there is no better way to cause a man to be unaroused than to treat him badly. I see this too many times in couples I know casually.
A woman needs to treat a man with respect and vice-versa.
If there is a medical situation or medications like high BP pills are the culprit, by all means break out the little blue "footballs".
And have patience! We ain't 20 anymore.

Good sexxx starts [-]with a dirty[/-] in the mind!