A lot of this depends on several factors.
I live in a HCOL (southern CA) but I have a paid for house and benefit from low property taxes thanks to Prop 13. My next door neighbors on one side who have the same model house a) paid a lot more, b) pay a lot more taxes, c) still have a large mortgage. But my neighbors on the other side bought years ago, also have a paid off house, and also have low taxes.... So... the one set of neighbors needs a lot per month, the other set is like us - lives very comfortably on not so much. But looking at our zip - you'd speculate that we all need a lot of money per month.
We travel. We buy organic food. We have a wonderful lifestyle and don't feel constrained in our spending that much... But we also shop for value on travel deals. I check out books from the library rather than purchasing paper or e-books.
It all depends on what is important to you, and what your specific circumstances are (paid for house for example.) HCOL is not necessarily in conflict with a lower spend rate....