Retired at 47 - How to create new community

[Brook2]

I retired at 47 but am now 62. It's the result of starting a business and working hard.

I don't feel 'old'. I take martial arts classes and my vehicle is a bike. But no matter what age I was - there still is a feeling that the whole world disappears in the day and then they come home from work and collapse.

Because friends are still working, they have limited free time. People who 'are' free in the day usually are from a different generation and playing bingo at the senior center. People who decided to raise children (even after they move away) seem still seem overwhelmed by parenting issues (their kids need a lot, even as adults). I'm curious how other people have explored new relationships. I'm actually surprised at how many of my friendships were a result of working with people.

Your experience?

btw - I'm not complaining about my life -I'm just noticing what goes on around me. I would never trade my ER for working again. Having a lot of free time is an amazing privilege and gift. Just am always exploring what it means to have community when you are the only retired person you know (at your age).

 

[Spock]

Same. All my (meaningful) social contacts were co-workers so no work=no social contacts. We're moving 1500 miles next month to be near family... probably not a solution but it's doing something about it vs waiting for everybody else to retire.

 

[omni550]

I retired at 47 but am now 62. It's the result of starting a business and working hard.

One thing I've noticed all these years - is because friends are still working, they have limited free time, and so my path has been to explore new sense of community. People who 'are' free in the day usually are from a different generation and playing bingo at the senior center. People who decided to raise children (even after they move away) seem still seem overwhelmed by parenting issues (their kids need a lot, even as adults).

I'm curious how other people have explored new relationships. I don't feel 'old'. I take martial arts classes and my vehicle is a bike. But no matter what age I am - there still is a feeling that the whole world disappears in the day and then they come home from work and collapse.

Your experience?

Brook2,

I retired at 56, sixteen years ago. I sensed that I was 'out of step' with my cohort group. Being single added to my sense of lacking community.

I got heavily involved (post-retirement) for a few years with ballroom dancing. The dance studios typically offer group classes during weekdays, both in the evening and daytime. In an effort to learn the basics ASAP, I was dancing 5 to 7 times a week. This was a win-win-win...stimulating for my brain, good exercise, and good for my social life. I also went to adult dance camp twice, meeting up with other dance aficionados.

I also discovered meetup.com and joined more than a dozen groups -- hiking, biking, trivia, kayaking, dining, wine-tasting, event-going....you name it. I've since trimmed some old groups and joined new meetup groups. They still are a core resource for me.

Eventually, I bought a condo in Florida and 'snowbird' here for 7 months a year. With so many other seniors snowbirding here, too, there's no lack of activities going on in "season", many of them during the daytime. I attend lectures at a local college as well as at our excellent library system, play cards with a group in my community, volunteer at the many art fairs here, and work to meet and befriend other interesting people. I'm taking a Nature Journaling art class. I also play trivia and hike with local meetup groups.

(Heck, you might even want to start a meetup.com group, so you can structure it the way you'd like.)

I hope you are able find people doing things that you enjoy. At 62 I'd expect you to start seeing some other early retirees around your area.

Good luck!

omni

 

[RetiredHappy]

We retired in 2016 when I was 53. We moved to another state, rejoined the country club and play a ton of golf. We have made many new relationships through the country club, mainly with other golfers who live in the same community. I also play cards with the ladies, including some who don't golf. We host dinners regularly at our home, and we just held one this Tuesday. Our friends also host dinners and we get invited the same.

 

[punkinhead]

I retired at 54 and fortunately fell in with a group of very active retirees. We kayak, hike, camp, and bike. Many of us also own 1940's vintage planes so we fly together frequently. It can be tough finding people who aren't sedentary so I count myself lucky. But I'm just as happy taking a solo motorcycle or fishing trip.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

We've always made most of our friends through clubs, except when our kids were in school, then it was more other parents we met through the kids' activities. In our area their are a variety of senior clubs with sub-groups that are pretty active for skiing, dancing, baseball, pickle ball, etc. They also have other kinds of activities like dinner groups, wine tasting, opera, and astronomy. And then your standard senior stuff like bridge, cribbage, mah jong and bocce ball. Your area might be different. Most of our friends are pretty active but they are older than us, which we are fine with. Not too many people retire early here and the ones that do usually move to a lower cost of living area.

Before we were old enough for the seniors groups, over the years we've belonged to clubs for different hobbies like hiking, camping, gold panning, astronomy, environmental groups, and rafting. We also used to belong to an outdoors co-op that was a lot of fun.

One thing I learned to look for is a lot of the meetup only groups here fade out rather quickly or rarely meet. The clubs with by laws and elected officers tend to meet regularly, have volunteer opportunities and set activities tend to be more consistent and a better place to make friends.

 

[flyingaway]

I retired at 47 but am now 62. It's the result of starting a business and working hard.

I don't feel 'old'. I take martial arts classes and my vehicle is a bike. But no matter what age I was - there still is a feeling that the whole world disappears in the day and then they come home from work and collapse.

Because friends are still working, they have limited free time. People who 'are' free in the day usually are from a different generation and playing bingo at the senior center. People who decided to raise children (even after they move away) seem still seem overwhelmed by parenting issues (their kids need a lot, even as adults). I'm curious how other people have explored new relationships. I'm actually surprised at how many of my friendships were a result of working with people.

Your experience?

btw - I'm not complaining about my life -I'm just noticing what goes on around me. I would never trade my ER for working again. Having a lot of free time is an amazing privilege and gift. Just am always exploring what it means to have community when you are the only retired person you know (at your age).

So you retired at 47. At 62, you have not figured out everything? For me, I just enjoy being alone most of the time.

 

[OnTheBeach]

Retired 1 year ago at 52. My wife hasn't worked since the kids were little. The youngest heads to college in the Fall - so we will be empty nesters. Most of our friends still work - so I understand the issues with not being able to spend time with lifelong friends. We both play golf and took up tennis a couple of years ago. We recently bought a house in Florida so we plan on being snow birds. We have already scouted out clubs to meet new friends. We are looking forward to the next adventure!

 

[Dtail]

Retired at 57 and moved to FLA. We live in a mixed age community and have developed new relationships of various ages through clubhouse activities.
We don't have a large social group and prefer it that way. I personally have also started many friendships through Pickleball, but just socialize on the courts.

 

[marko]

For me, I just enjoy being alone most of the time.

+1. For 35 years my career demanded constant entertaining, meeting all kinds of people, nonstop socials, international travel 200 days a year and being "on" full time. Too many 2am nights. DW was part of it all as well.

Having REd 18 years ago, the phone slowly stopped ringing and we now relish the privacy, quiet and being alone just the two of us. The anonymity is very, very liberating.

 

[MatatuPuncher]

Y'all are slippin' if you don't see this as a troll post.

 

[Bigdawg]

Y'all are slippin' if you don't see this as a troll post.

^+1.

 

[Brook2]

Thanks for the ideas

[as the original poster] I appreciate hearing how people have engaged in new communities. There are many interesting ideas. And I'm surprised to hear people have actually moved after retiring as part of exploring new communities. I've always thought moving would be more of a challenge (since you leave friends behind), but some here have chosen specific types of communities to land in. I've never explored the concept of "clubs". I don't even know what is out there, but I like the suggestion to look for groups that have 'officers' vs just meetups (less committed). Much thanks!

 

[daylatedollarshort]

[as the original poster] I appreciate hearing how people have engaged in new communities. There are many interesting ideas. And I'm surprised to hear people have actually moved after retiring as part of exploring new communities. I've always thought moving would be more of a challenge (since you leave friends behind), but some here have chosen specific types of communities to land in. I've never explored the concept of "clubs". I don't even know what is out there, but I like the suggestion to look for groups that have 'officers' vs just meetups (less committed). Much thanks!

Here is some advice I've learned from books that has stuck over the years and seems to work for us, even if we haven't totally perfected the methodology yet. The people with the most satisfying relationships tend to have 4 -5 individuals or couples they are good friends with and see regularly. They also tend to belong to 3 - 4 groups, even though they may not always be super active in the groups. Then when their friends aren't around or develop different interests, they can go to the club / group activities and have a pool to draw from to make new friends. In order to make friends you have to usually see people regularly. This is where the clubs with the by laws come in because those do meet regularly, have different events to pick from, and you tend to see the same people regularly.

The longest running study on happiness found that the biggest factor was social connections - Harvard study, almost 80 years old, has proved that embracing community helps us live longer, and be happier: "When the study began, nobody cared about empathy or attachment,” said Vaillant. “But the key to healthy aging is relationships, relationships, relationships.”, https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/st...showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/

 

[Brook2]

Here is some advice I've learned from books that has stuck over the years and seems to work for us, even if we haven't totally perfected the methodology yet. The people with the most satisfying relationships tend to have 4 -5 individuals or couples they are good friends with and see regularly. They also tend to belong to 3 - 4 groups, even though they may not always be super active in the groups. Then when their friends aren't around or develop different interests, they can go to the club / group activities and have a pool to draw from to make new friends. In order to make friends you have to usually see people regularly. This is where the clubs with the by laws come in because those do meet regularly, have different events to pick from, and you tend to see the same people regularly.

That's really interesting. Do you remember what book it was you read?

 

[daylatedollarshort]

That's really interesting. Do you remember what book it was you read?

Sorry, I don't remember the exact book. But I did some Googling and found articles online mentioning similar numbers and ideas - "Research by an academic called Susan Degges-White found that people with three to five close friends report the highest levels of life satisfaction." - https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/how-many-friends-do-we-need-to-be-happy/12589694

The case for fewer friends - When it comes to friendship, quality is better than quantity. "Similarly, a 2020 study found that having three to five close friends is enough to feel fulfilled." - https://www.vox.com/23130613/fewer-friends-how-many

As for clubs that meet regularly, "friendships often require that frequency of interaction in order to develop.”, https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/adults-friends-200809105.html

 

[Teacher Terry]

I have some really good friends that I made at work and we stayed close in retirement. I have also made some new friends in my condo building. I joined the board which helped. I joined a meetup dining group so if I get bored I go to that. I am consulting part time again and I walk my dogs daily. My oldest son and his wife live here and I see them weekly. I have moved a lot and wouldn’t consider it at this stage of life.

 

[MarieIG]

Welcome.

As a retiree of 15 years, it seems as if you would have a lot to offer to others on the forum.