Thoughts on Thanksgiving

[frayne]

Wife and I are both 70, vaxxed, boostered and in good health for our age and have so far avoided catching covid. We have a family invite for Thanksgiving this year with son, his in-laws, out-laws and a few in between coming from all parts far and wide, Miami, New York, San Fran, etc. Some have been vaxxed, some have had covid and some we simply do not and will not know their status prior to getting together. Wife is hesitant and thinks we should stay home, I'm good either way. Anybody else facing a similar Thanksgiving get together dilemma and if so, what are your thoughts ? Appreciate any and all replies in advance.

 

[Aerides]

It's been my belief over the past 18 months that the most cautious member of the household sets the bar for the others. If one spouse is not comfortable, neither attends (whatever the thing is).

I would not personally gather with people in a family setting if I had reason to believe they were A) not vaccinated and B) have recently travelled to be there. That's a double risk, and sounds like a pretty big group, so, nah.

Besides, even if I thought it was no/low risk, I wouldn't want to drag DH along knowing he did not agree. And I would not go without him in that situation.

 

[Golden sunsets]

Tough one. I wouldn't think it inappropriate to ask the host to ask the invitees for the Vax status of their guests. If they aren't inclined to accommodate that request, I would politely decline.

 

[JDARNELL]

I think you should live your life as you see fit and not in fear. If your waiting on everyone everywhere to get the jab your probably gonna be staying at home.

 

[nhcycling]

Do what is comfortable for you and your wife. At this point, I think those that haven’t been vax’ed simply aren’t going to.

Not for everyone … I’m just going to live my life. I’m vax’ed. If I happen to know someone isn’t and we’re indoors in a social situation, I’ll put on a mask and keep a proper social distance. I’m still hesitant to travel far distances right now though.

 

[Ronstar]

We have a similar situation. We have thanksgiving at our house. DW, MIL and myself vaxed and boosted. BIL SIL 1 are staunch anti vaxers. DW invited them and they are coming. SIL 2 is vaxed and boosted but has compromised immunity. Her and her husband are not coming. Niece and her husband are vaxed. Their 3 kids are not. They are coming. There has been some infighting recently among this group regarding the vaccine. Could be interesting.

 

[CardsFan]

I think you should live your life as you see fit and not in fear. If your waiting on everyone everywhere to get the jab your probably gonna be staying at home.

Agree. It is a personal choice, but I did not get 3 shots so I could continue to sit at home and not see people.

So, my personal choice is to live pretty much as I had before, and DW is in agreement.

 

[Mark1]

It's been my belief over the past 18 months that the most cautious member of the household sets the bar for the others. If one spouse is not comfortable, neither attends (whatever the thing is).

I would not personally gather with people in a family setting if I had reason to believe they were A) not vaccinated and B) have recently travelled to be there. That's a double risk, and sounds like a pretty big group, so, nah.

Besides, even if I thought it was no/low risk, I wouldn't want to drag DH along knowing he did not agree. And I would not go without him in that situation.

+1

I think you should live your life as you see fit and not in fear. If your waiting on everyone everywhere to get the jab your probably gonna be staying at home.

+1, but not this Thanksgiving. You need to start working on DW. My wife wouldn't get near anyone prior to vac, now we go everywhere with no mask and she has no hesitancy.

Your likely safe so get on with life (but after Thanksgiving).

 

[MichaelB]

There’s a difference between fear and caution. The question posed by the OP one of caution, is entirely reasonable and he deserves a better answer than “don’t be fearful”.

If someone wants to go and is fully vaccinated with booster, it’s probably pretty safe. OTOH, if the Thanksgiving get togethers aren’t much fun, Covid vaccination status of some guests makes for a good reason to not attend or invite.

 

[RobbieB]

We're driving over to BIL & SIL house for TG. Not flying anywhere on holidays.

 

[ivinsfan]

There’s a difference between fear and caution. The question posed by the OP one of caution, is entirely reasonable and he deserves a better answer than “don’t be fearful”.

If someone wants to go and is fully vaccinated with booster, it’s probably pretty safe. OTOH, if the Thanksgiving get togethers aren’t much fun, Covid vaccination status of some guests makes for a good reason to not attend or invite.

I myself have struggled with the line between cautious and fearful. It's a pretty thin line IMHO.



The thing is I don't think Covid is going anywhere anytime soon. I think it's going to be around for quite some time. And I'm certain the unvaxxed will always be around too.



So this could very well be a question next year and the year after that...the longer it takes someone to mingle with unvaxxed people the harder it gets to do it.


OP if you have a talk with your wife maybe talk about we are vaxxed and freshly boosted if we don't see people now, when will we see people. I can't just agree with people that say the most cautious spouse wins. What if that caution means you miss 3 more Thanksgivings and Christmas out who knows how many you have left?



The vaxxed boosted spouse has some rights too. And if they go it's the same as if both spouses go.



If either one of you have a medical condition that makes Covid very dangerous that's another conversation.

 

[easysurfer]

I've been asked a few times by a brother hinting if I wish to attend his Thanksgiving plans (not a Thanksgiving day because he is divorced so they do the pretend it's Thanksgiving thing).

I gave no doubt saying if folks want to see my face in Thanksgiving time, I'd be happy to set up a zoom call. Drops mic ...

I admire the folks who will travel by planes, trains and automobiles for gatherings. Stay safe in more ways than one as I hear there's stormy weather brewing too.

 

[ivinsfan]

We have a similar situation. We have thanksgiving at our house. DW, MIL and myself vaxed and boosted. BIL SIL 1 are staunch anti vaxers. DW invited them and they are coming. SIL 2 is vaxed and boosted but has compromised immunity. Her and her husband are not coming. Niece and her husband are vaxed. Their 3 kids are not. They are coming. There has been some infighting recently among this group regarding the vaccine. Could be interesting.

Aren't you all grownups and can't you eat a turkey and some pumpkin pie without things getting "interesting"?


I'd probably text all the guests and say the first one to mention the word vaccine gets to go home without any dinner. That's boorish behavior. You know I think boorish behavior is a symptom of Covid fatigue.

 

[aaronc879]

Unvaccinated family members are not invited to our gathering. That is the choice we made, it is up to you to make the choice you think is right for you.

 

[JDARNELL]

Agree. It is a personal choice, but I did not get 3 shots so I could continue to sit at home and not see people.

So, my personal choice is to live pretty much as I had before, and DW is in agreement.

Right. We can't control what other people do but we can control what we do no matter what anyone tells us we can or can't do.

What keeps people from not doing things they want to do? Fear

I think it's good to have a little fear. It's the reason I wear a motorcycle helmet when riding. Some are more risk takers than others some are not and that's ok.

OP has the jab, states they are in good health, and is doing his due diligence. Never gonna be a 100% safe from everything and I'm sure will make the best decision for him.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I got vaccinated to be able to get out and live my life. I don’t care if others aren’t because they are taking the risk not me. I have a trip to Ireland booked for June.

 

[jollystomper]

We likely will be spending some time at family and friends homes for Thanksgiving. There will be a mixture of vaccinated (most), covid recovered (2nd most) and unvaccinated (least). We are cautious but not fearful. We are both vaccinated, DW with a booster, mine not until December. These are all going to be folks we have been around several times this year without any outbreaks. At worst we may wear a mask in a crowded indoor gathering, but all of the places have ample indoor room so we will play it by ear.

 

[tmm99]

I'm twice vaxxed and DH is twice vaxxed. We're not exactly young. Although our numbers in town are pretty low, I'm not comfortable taking my mask off around people who are outside of my immediate bubble. I still go out and play volleyball indoors with different groups of fully vaxxed players multiple times a week, and most players do not wear masks, but I do (although the mask I wear during my play is a minimum protection 3-layer kind.). I went out for a drink with some friends last Friday indoors. (Only the fully vaxxed can dine-in in my province), and I double-masked while nobody else was wearing a mask in the restaurant except for the servers. I wore a KN95 and a minimum protection 3-layer mask on top and occasionally opened the bottom part of the masks to sip my drink through a straw. We got DH's kids (fully vaxxed) over a couple of weekends ago and we all masked up before and after we ate and when we ate, we sat far from each other (DH and I used foldable TV dinner tables situated away from the dining table where DH's kids were sitting.) We cracked windows and put two fairly expensive air purifiers between DH's kids and us while we ate and talked.

My point is, we still do what we want to do, but we do it differently/carefully.

I hate it when people post "Do not live in fear." Everyone has their own comfort level and everyone should be able to do whatever they feel comfortable with. I'm not going to be bullied into trying to be anything else. I'm a nervous person to start with, and knowing that, even if I caught a cold or any kind of bug with cold-like symptoms, I would worry excessively that it could be COVID. And Canadian healthcare system does not generally provide infected folks with monoclonal antibody treatment (and it makes me wonder if I would be adequately treated if I got COVID.) So that and knowing myself, I try not to put myself in a situation where I know I would end up worrying.

If I was invited into someone's house for dinner and gathering, I might still go but I would double-mask and stay near people who I know are double-vaxxed. I'd preferably sit next to a cracked window. I would request that they give me a separate room to eat the food in (or I could sneak out and eat outside.) I would eat quickly and then join the party again after I eat. I would definitely stick out like I pretty much always do, but that's just me. I intend to keep on doing what I want to do with those modifications. I guess you could just not go, to avoid all that hassle...

 

[Ronstar]

Aren't you all grownups and can't you eat a turkey and some pumpkin pie without things getting "interesting"?

I would hope so. But there have been a lot things boiling under the surface that could erupt.

I'd probably text all the guests and say the first one to mention the word vaccine gets to go home without any dinner. That's boorish behavior. You know I think boorish behavior is a symptom of Covid fatigue.

I will make it known that there will be no vaccine talk.

 

[Sunset]

DW and I are fully vaccinated + booster.

I find it pretty annoying non-vaccinated folks would attend a gathering, as they are likely to be big spreaders for the same reason many of them don't get a vaccine.

If we get invited for Thanksgiving, I'm thinking I'll tell the host that we will attend and may/may not have covid at the time, as really nobody knows if they got exposed until they are really sick.

 

[Katsmeow]

Wife and I are both 70, vaxxed, boostered and in good health for our age and have so far avoided catching covid. We have a family invite for Thanksgiving this year with son, his in-laws, out-laws and a few in between coming from all parts far and wide, Miami, New York, San Fran, etc. Some have been vaxxed, some have had covid and some we simply do not and will not know their status prior to getting together. Wife is hesitant and thinks we should stay home, I'm good either way. Anybody else facing a similar Thanksgiving get together dilemma and if so, what are your thoughts ? Appreciate any and all replies in advance.

DH and I are both vaccinated and have had boosters. I did tell a very close family member that if she wanted to come to Thanksgiving at our house she needed to get fully vaccinated. She is not antivax. Just basically ignores Covid and it hasn't been worth her time to get vaccinated. So she won't be there.

In the situation you listed I was at first thinking it might be a close call but then you added in that there would be a lot of people there and you don't know there status. It also sounds like a large gathering.

My friend's grandchild (too young to vaccinated at the time) went on a summer gathering with his father's family -- several fully vaccinated people. After the trip, several of those fully vaccinated people ended up with Covid as did the child (who was completely asymptomatic). Who passed it on? No one knows. No one died although some of the older members of the family apparently felt quite bad.

As someone fully vaccinated and boostered I am not concerned at all to go to the store, for example. I am not concerned to be in small gatherings of vaccinated people. I am OK with being around masked unvaccinated people so long as they never remove their mask.

The Thanksgiving situation raises lots of red flags to me. Large gathering. Probably crowded and for an extended time. Highly likely that at least some people will not be vaccinated. Even if they wore masks except when eating (which they probably won't do) they would take them off to eat. Also, people are traveling from all over, some of whom may be from areas with high spread. If I lived in an area with very low case counts and not much spread going on right now and everybody was from that area, then that would be one thing and more "risk" could be taken. But, I don't live in that kind of area so it affects how I weigh things. Also if a guess was coming from a higher spread area that would weigh on me as well.

I might be OK with going to an event with an unvaccinated person attending if they were from an area with few cases and had a negative Covid test before coming and stayed masked except when eating or drinking.

 

[Alan]

Wife and I are both 70, vaxxed, boostered and in good health for our age and have so far avoided catching covid. We have a family invite for Thanksgiving this year with son, his in-laws, out-laws and a few in between coming from all parts far and wide, Miami, New York, San Fran, etc. Some have been vaxxed, some have had covid and some we simply do not and will not know their status prior to getting together. Wife is hesitant and thinks we should stay home, I'm good either way. Anybody else facing a similar Thanksgiving get together dilemma and if so, what are your thoughts ? Appreciate any and all replies in advance.

Since you are not bothered either way I would be supportive of your wife and not go.

 

[audreyh1]

We’re happily sitting out any holiday gatherings this year. No family nearby. Big family gathering planned for January instead.

I’m hoping we don’t get another big holiday surge and our county is down to the lowest cases per 100,000 since well over a year, but we’ll see!

 

[Dtail]

Only have household family this year for Thanksgiving, but will eat indoors.
Tough choice for you. This Covid will probably be around quite awhile, if not forever. Perhaps some of the unvaxxed will change their minds down the road, when slowly there is less of them.

 

[becca]

We turned down an invite to a large family gathering because we knew some would be there who are unvaccinated. We are double vaxxed and boosted but at age 75 and 69, and dh with heart issues, decided it's not worth it to take the risk. I have pretty much lost my patience with the anti-vaxxers and really have no desire to fraternize with them at this point.