Wasn't sure if this belonged on Young Dreamers... since I hope I'm closer to the "life after FIRE" group.... I turn 52 next week. My absolute done-and-out is my 55th birthday.
But I am done/over/stick-a-fork-in-me about my job NOW.
I took a week off work last week and had a great time - super busy, doing all the things I enjoy doing... taking to dog for walks on the beach, working in the garden, catching up on chores. (Yes - even that was fun because I wasn't time crunched.)
It was great. I imagined how it would be to do that full time. Then Saturday came and I realized I needed to hurry up and get the rest of my chores/stuff done because I had to go back to work. It started to feel compacted/stressed like most weekends - trying to get all the non-work stuff in before work takes over. By Sunday evening I had that familiar sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. Monday morning I literally hurled dreading the work day. It's not good when you throw up thinking of going in to work.
I got through the day. But I keep thinking more and more about how much it's not enjoyable anymore. I have a boss that hates me. (and it's mutual). My coworkers are great, and appreciate my work... but my boss is a miserable man who chooses to make his underlings suffer. (He's going through a divorce and I'm sure that contributes to his general grumpiness/mean spirit).
I'm borderline FI for retiring now. My contingency funds are almost there. But not quite. I might not be able to fund the kids colleges as well as I hope. But - if I include full SS (based on earnings stopping today), and if there are no unexpected gotcha's... I could go.
One of the problems is I'm a worrier. And reading threads about having 36x or 40x annual expenses makes me think I'm no where close to ready. I read about people having pre-paid funds for their next car, etc.. I have an emergency fund, and my "nest egg"... lot a lot of contingency funds.
Firecalc gives me 100%. Fidelity RIP lets me go to age 91 before I run out of money. (Dad died at 77, mom died at 67, brother died at 48... I probably won't make 91). So I'm close... but there's not a lot of safety margin... I don't have double the firecalc 100% or whatever like some folks. If I can stick it out to age 55 I'll be closer.
The other thing keeping me here is the hope of a severance package. My division was recently sold off to a small company that took on serious leverage to buy us. They are cutting costs like crazy to get costs down so they can pay back their debt. (The debt/earnings is worse than Greece). They've gone through the first round of significant cuts - but we suspect there's another round coming. I'd be entitled to a few months severance pay if I get laid off... don't want to leave that on the table. With unpaid PTO - I'm looking at 6 months income if I get cut. That would help fill the contingency funding.
In the past 18+ years I've survived 3 acquisitions, 2 spin offs, and one corporate split. All have come with significant layoffs... and I've survived them all. Now I'm ready to go. I've told a different boss (my former boss - who's a peer to my current jerk boss.) that I'd volunteer for any future rounds and he let the director of our department know. But this last time no one from our group was cut. I'm hoping this seed will grow into a severance package... in the meantime, I show up, work hard, and hate being here.
I don't want to get a new job... That would be stress I don't want... having to prove myself all over again, learn new systems... My engineering niche is pretty specialized so I'd have to really stretch to get a new job and that sounds too much like w*rk. I just want to be at home to raise my boys, be a good wife, and call it a day on the career.
This job is literally sapping the joy from my life. But I'm too chicken to quit.
If anyone has any positive thoughts to send out there - send them to the layoff gods that I be chosen for the next round of layoffs.
But I am done/over/stick-a-fork-in-me about my job NOW.
I took a week off work last week and had a great time - super busy, doing all the things I enjoy doing... taking to dog for walks on the beach, working in the garden, catching up on chores. (Yes - even that was fun because I wasn't time crunched.)
It was great. I imagined how it would be to do that full time. Then Saturday came and I realized I needed to hurry up and get the rest of my chores/stuff done because I had to go back to work. It started to feel compacted/stressed like most weekends - trying to get all the non-work stuff in before work takes over. By Sunday evening I had that familiar sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. Monday morning I literally hurled dreading the work day. It's not good when you throw up thinking of going in to work.
I got through the day. But I keep thinking more and more about how much it's not enjoyable anymore. I have a boss that hates me. (and it's mutual). My coworkers are great, and appreciate my work... but my boss is a miserable man who chooses to make his underlings suffer. (He's going through a divorce and I'm sure that contributes to his general grumpiness/mean spirit).
I'm borderline FI for retiring now. My contingency funds are almost there. But not quite. I might not be able to fund the kids colleges as well as I hope. But - if I include full SS (based on earnings stopping today), and if there are no unexpected gotcha's... I could go.
One of the problems is I'm a worrier. And reading threads about having 36x or 40x annual expenses makes me think I'm no where close to ready. I read about people having pre-paid funds for their next car, etc.. I have an emergency fund, and my "nest egg"... lot a lot of contingency funds.
Firecalc gives me 100%. Fidelity RIP lets me go to age 91 before I run out of money. (Dad died at 77, mom died at 67, brother died at 48... I probably won't make 91). So I'm close... but there's not a lot of safety margin... I don't have double the firecalc 100% or whatever like some folks. If I can stick it out to age 55 I'll be closer.
The other thing keeping me here is the hope of a severance package. My division was recently sold off to a small company that took on serious leverage to buy us. They are cutting costs like crazy to get costs down so they can pay back their debt. (The debt/earnings is worse than Greece). They've gone through the first round of significant cuts - but we suspect there's another round coming. I'd be entitled to a few months severance pay if I get laid off... don't want to leave that on the table. With unpaid PTO - I'm looking at 6 months income if I get cut. That would help fill the contingency funding.
In the past 18+ years I've survived 3 acquisitions, 2 spin offs, and one corporate split. All have come with significant layoffs... and I've survived them all. Now I'm ready to go. I've told a different boss (my former boss - who's a peer to my current jerk boss.) that I'd volunteer for any future rounds and he let the director of our department know. But this last time no one from our group was cut. I'm hoping this seed will grow into a severance package... in the meantime, I show up, work hard, and hate being here.
I don't want to get a new job... That would be stress I don't want... having to prove myself all over again, learn new systems... My engineering niche is pretty specialized so I'd have to really stretch to get a new job and that sounds too much like w*rk. I just want to be at home to raise my boys, be a good wife, and call it a day on the career.
This job is literally sapping the joy from my life. But I'm too chicken to quit.
If anyone has any positive thoughts to send out there - send them to the layoff gods that I be chosen for the next round of layoffs.