Weddings

[FUEGO]

A friend of DS recently married with a blend of two ceremonies: western and Thai. Part of the Thai ceremony was the groom's father presenting a basket of gold and cash to the bride's father. This amount was negotiated, and was about the price of a new car. This offering (the 'Sin') was to be held for something like 5 years or until the birth of the first child when it would be given to the couple. If they divorced, the bride's family kept the amount.

Very civilized - I plan on this for when DD gets married.

I had to do this. I think it was $2000 or so. My parents had to go negotiate the price and none of us knew what we were supposed to do. It was quite a comedy. I think I got the money back shortly after the ceremony.

We had sacrificed chickens on an alter at our Asian wedding. Right next to twinkies and Sunkist soda. Strange times...

 

[Amethyst]

I'll bet those dresses were gorgeous. Certainly she would not have seen them on anyone else!

When the young wife and I got married in 1984, her dad gave her a $3k budget and she came in under budget. She designed and made her own dress (that was her profession at the time), as well as all the bridesmaid dresses and her mother's dress. We got married in the morning and the reception was lunch, so it was less expensive and not so much booze was poured. There were about 100 people in attendance, about 90% of whom I did not know.

That was back in the day when people gave you physical things, so we got our share of toasters and dishes and such, along with enough cash to buy a queen bed.

There was no rehearsal dinner, as I was at sea for six months before the wedding. I made it ashore and to her hometown late the night before the wedding and got married the next morning without knowing a single thing about what was in store.

 

[brett]

Several years ago a colleague of mine told me how he and his wife handled the weddings of two of the daughters and that they intended to do the same with daughter number three.

The offer was a $50K wedding budget OR a cash gift of $50K for a down payment on a home/condo whatever plus a very nice post ceremony dinner at an upscale restaurant for the small wedding party.

Daughter #1 wanted the big wedding and that is what she got. Everyone was happy.

Daughter #2 and her fiance decided to take the money. Everyone was happy.

They both had those wedding showers and whatever else they do but they were on their own for those.

 

[txtig]

It’s really crazy if you’re an attendant in a wedding. Everyone seems to have out of town bachelor/bachelorette party weekends, bridal showers, plus the wedding. Our neighbor’s DIL grew up here and has many close friends. A few years ago, she was in 8 weddings! When my best friend got married 2 years ago, DH & I spent several thousand on the various festivities, attire, plus a nice gift. Luckily all of our other friends are married so it was a once in a lifetime experience for us!

My youngest son is the Best Man in one of his friend’s wedding coming up in March. He’s pretty tight with his money and he’s having fits at all of the expenses he’s incurring, including an out-of-state bachelor party in the French Quarter. My bachelor party was just hitting a few bars with about a half dozen friends in town the night before the wedding. That won’t do today. The guys are all flying to N.O., staying in a nice hotel and planning on spending big bucks doing it up right on Bourbon Street. We keep telling him that there are a lot cheaper ways to do the bachelor party. I think he would rather dial it back a bit, but feels that the big out-of-town party is expected.

 

[Sue J]

In our case, the huge guest list was my mother in law and my sister in law's idea. My wife and I didn't care a bit about the big wedding or most of the guests that showed up (other than the handful of immediate family and a few friends of course). We didn't even know most of the guests, and we snuck out early once the people we knew had left. As I recall we were in bed by 9-10 pm that night though the festivities continued well into the night. I don't recall our early departure being noticed or it being problematic

The huge guest list was in part to extract gifts from others that had received gifts from my parents in law in the past. My MIL had a ledger listing all the past gifts they had given to others, and they compared that to what we received from others as if it was a quid-pro-quo exchange between families. This is sadly the most organized bit of personal finance I've seen from my wife's side of the family ever and the mercantile nature of this ledger was ridiculous (but maybe it's a common thing??). Needless to say I did my part by shutting my mouth, smiling, and cutting the cake (and enjoying 14 years of a pretty great gal that popped out 3 kids of mine).

Our wedding in 1976 (we were 21) felt like it was my parents party and we were just the main act. I would have been fine with our immediate families and a few close friends but it became my parents opportunity to reciprocate for all the weddings they had been invited to over the years. And if you invite the Smiths then we have to include the Joneses and the Millers. Or in our case the Silvermans, the Goldsteins and the Mandels.

I knew less than half the people there. At the time it was easier to just let them do their thing and I did my part of being the dutiful daughter. They got their "event" and I got married.

Although it's not what DH and I wanted, we made our families happy and we are still married so we must have done something right!

 

[FUEGO]

Our wedding in 1976 (we were 21) felt like it was my parents party and we were just the main act. I would have been fine with our immediate families and a few close friends but it became my parents opportunity to reciprocate for all the weddings they had been invited to over the years. And if you invite the Smiths then we have to include the Joneses and the Millers. Or in our case the Silvermans, the Goldsteins and the Mandels.

I knew less than half the people there. At the time it was easier to just let them do their thing and I did my part of being the dutiful daughter. They got their "event" and I got married.

Although it's not what DH and I wanted, we made our families happy and we are still married so we must have done something right!

Yes. It worked out in the end. And I hope to give my own kids quite a bit more autonomy for their own wedding plans.

 

[Gumby]

I'll bet those dresses were gorgeous. Certainly she would not have seen them on anyone else!

They were, and she got exactly what she wanted. I still recall the moment the big doors swung open and she walked in the church. I hadn't seen her in six months and I had never seen the dress. I thought to myself, "Damn, that's one fine looking woman!"

 

[Sasset]

What I don't understand is from what I hear is that things like venue, flowers, photos, etc go up in price as soon as they find out it is for a wedding!

I have been to simple weddings where the family does everything and expensive ones. The family done weddings seem better to me

 

[Legally_dead]

Because weddings are out of hand, I follow this rule of thumb: I don't attend the wedding if I have never met the bride or groom or if I have not talked to either in over 12 months.

 

[Walt34]

There was no rehearsal dinner, as I was at sea for six months before the wedding. I made it ashore and to her hometown late the night before the wedding and got married the next morning without knowing a single thing about what was in store.

I remember some bride-to-be complaining about how easy weddings are for men: "All you have to do is remember to show up on time!"

Our wedding was pretty simple since we weren't exactly loaded and we were paying for it. Second for me, first for her, 1988. She found a wedding dress at J.C. Penny's for ~$200, 25 people at a chapel, reception at the Italian restaurant where she had taken me out for my birthday several years prior. She didn't make much money so I recognized that to her that was a significant expense. Honeymoon at Deep Creek Lake in MD, I think all in all we spent ~$1,500.

Next July will be 30 years so I think it's gonna stick.

 

[CRLLS]

DS got married about 18 months ago. He and his Bride-to-be came to us and asked if we would help pay. We said the traditionally (back in our time) the groom's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner and the booze at the reception. But times change. We asked them what they thought they would be spending. About $15K was the answer. DW and I talked and decide that we would split all costs with the bride's parents. We have no idea just what the real costs were, as we didn't ask for a detailed accounting. We ended up paying 7,500.

The wedding was good and everyone had a good time. DW thinks there were >100 people in attendance. They were both 40ish and it was their 1st (hopefully last) wedding. We were happy to be able to support them in this. We told DS it was a one-time expense!

 

[iloveyoga]

Crazy stories! I was just thinking this year is our 35 year anniversary. We got married in a park, had an afternoon party in our backyard (beer, snacks, and a wedding cake) and a weekend away honeymoon in Keosauqua, IA. I'm sure it was all under $500, but it was a lot at the time.

 

[Ronstar]

Crazy stories! I was just thinking this year is our 35 year anniversary. We got married in a park, had an afternoon party in our backyard (beer, snacks, and a wedding cake) and a weekend away honeymoon in Keosauqua, IA. I'm sure it was all under $500, but it was a lot at the time.

About the same here. 35 years ago. Got married in a park in Wisconsin. Eloped on a Saturday. Splurged on a wedding dinner for 2 with my boss’s credit card. Came home Sunday. Whole weekend was under $500.