Why are some vices more acceptable?

They say that women don't do our hair, makeup, clothing, etc., so much to appeal to men as to compete with other women. There's a difference, and there is some truth to it. A man I don't know flatters my shoes or bag or something I'd think it was odd. A woman says "nice shoes!" and I feel good all day.

The woman that took offense to spending on shoes (i mean what who does that out loud? friends or not it is SHOES THERE IS NO TOO MUCH IF YOU LOVE THEM. caps for emphasis)... sounds like maybe there is some judgy-extra-competitive thingy going on with those two?

I don't know any of you, but I do know that multi-decade female friendships are usually quite complex. It's not about the shoes. It might be about rank.
 
I'm surprised she was only going to buy one pair of shoes. When EX-DW and I were going thru this, she was buying 10 of everything in the clothing store and my attorney was frantically trying to shut the credit cards off (to no avail).
 
It all comes down to personal priorities. He who pays the piper calls the tune. Of course some need hand holding what those priorities should be and there are plenty who will be happy to tell you what you should do, provided you pay them of course.
 
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I am a woman and I have always hated shoes.
 
Mdlerth said:
If the pending divorcee burns cash on footwear before the actual split, does it no longer count as a marital asset subject to judicial arbitration?
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She might end up with only one Jimmy Choo? Oh no! Maybe the couple will stay together for the sake of the shoes!

Those shoes actually often hold their value so maybe she is the smarter one after all.

It sounds like a fun dinner with very good friends, actually.
 
Shoes, fascinating subject.

As a newbie dance class student, I showed up at the first class in my nearly ten year old Ballys. Every woman in the class instantly recognized them and commented. Seems some women pay very close attention to the man's shoes. No they do not make me a better student of the Tango, :D or of the Waltz.

As for the women's dance shoes, they seem carefully selected for the occasion. They have different pairs for various dances. In time I'll learn the differences.

So long as a woman spends her own money, it really is (was) no concern to me on what she spends it on. It was true with late DW.
 
Shanky said:
My point of view: if you are spending lots of $$$ on booze & hookers, but you LBYM and you are saving enough to continue that lifestyle in retirement (including medical), you are still being financially repsonsible.

But...

If you are spending what little you have on helping orphans and baby animals, but going further into debt to do that, you are being financially irresponsible. "Morality" has no place in this discussion.
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A somewhat exaggerated example to illustrate a very valid point. Everybody will spend their resources in ways that suit them. Who are we to judge?
 
Aerides said:
They say that women don't do our hair, makeup, clothing, etc., so much to appeal to men as to compete with other women. There's a difference, and there is some truth to it. A man I don't know flatters my shoes or bag or something I'd think it was odd. A woman says "nice shoes!" and I feel good all day.

The woman that took offense to spending on shoes (i mean what who does that out loud? friends or not it is SHOES THERE IS NO TOO MUCH IF YOU LOVE THEM. caps for emphasis)... sounds like maybe there is some judgy-extra-competitive thingy going on with those two?

I don't know any of you, but I do know that multi-decade female friendships are usually quite complex. It's not about the shoes. It might be about rank.
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Some one else mentioned that to me, not so much about rank but more of the fact that three of us have/had (I'm widowed) happy 30 year plus marriages and she has not. Someone said to me that it might be a way of her saying "I can still do some thing"... :rolleyes: either way, we love her fancy shoes and all.....

I definitely agree with your first paragraph, lol. I've worn eyeglasses my entire life so I tend to spend a bit more for designer frames, I always say it's the one thing that I have to have every day of my life. anyhow a guy says that they like the frames, I say "thank you" and dismiss it. A girl tells me those are sharp frames and I'm like "YES!! SCORE!!"

lol go figure.
 
I was hoping this would be a much more interesting thread than shoes and theater.[emoji57]
 
brett said:
What others do with their money is of no concern to us. Don't care.

Just as long as they don't come to us for a loan or a handout. Each to their own.
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Really ?
All others ?

I agree, what my neighbors do, or you do with your $$$ , I don't really care if it does not impact me, but I do care for some people.

If you have/had children and they told you they were giving $5,000 per month to some Spritual religious fellow they saw on U-tube, you wouldn't say anything ?

If you have a best friend and they said they were giving $5,000 per month to some Spritual religious fellow they saw on U-tube, you wouldn't say anything ?
 
My wife was as shocked as I over theatre tickets and laughed when I mentioned Jimmy Choo or whatever it was.

I love my wife!!

But seriously, in answer to the OP, I try not to judge. Perhaps a bit internally, but I try not to let on. But if you're talking about a spendthrift like one of my cousins, who spends three dollars for every one she makes, that's different. But clearly not the case here.
 
GalaxyBoy said:
My wife was as shocked as I over theatre tickets ......
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Ok, I'll admit I was also floored by the theatre tickets... I could just never see myself dropping that much for a play.
I'd be sitting the the theater thinking, "this could be a week long cruise for both of us instead". :facepalm:
 
athena53 said:
Sounds like the usual "stuff vs. experiences" argument. The finance gurus say that millenials are looking for experiences now and are less into buying things, but I can see both sides. My major vacations cost the equivalent of MANY pairs of Jimmy Choos and when I come home I have nothing to show except a lot of pictures and stories. I'm perfectly happy with that but others would rather have a closet full of designer clothes and shoes. To me, LBYM is what's important.
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I agree. There is a BIG difference between buying "wants" when you are financially secure and doing it before. "The rich buy assets, the poor buy things" is a theme of more than one financial book.

Would anyone REALLY scold Buffet if he bought a pair of $800 shoes, took an around the world cruise, bought a multi-million $ Miami penthouse or a personal jet? I don't think so............

Good for the Millennials...........let's see how their outlook changes when they are ready to retire, and all they have is selfies of their experiences....
 
Buying shoes is not a vice.
Going to the theatre is not a vice.
Spending a ginormous amount of money on these things may be poor judgment if you cannot afford it.
 
I have friends who are pouring good money after bad on their n'er do well son. It probably will not stop until they have exhausted their resources. She is a former banker/loans officer. She knows better. Nothing we say will change that.

I have another relative who tithes. Ten percent. Somehow they think it will get them closer to God. All the while they pay massive amounts of interest on their consumer debt and have will have saved nothing for the retirement that is months away from them. Nothing we say will change that. Neither did a bankrupcy. Besides, it is too late for them. Their retirement life has been set in stone based on their past/current actions.

I cannot say that we agree with how our daughter/SIN spend their money or operate their business. Sure, we give them advice but they do what they want to do. They have already learned some hard lessons when the recession in their area hit. They learned more from that than any advice that we proffered. And their businesses are now flourishing. The only advice they followed was to get a good, professional accountant and a decent lawyer.

We might care about how some spend their money but we are realistic enough to understand that their behavior will not change because of our wanted or unwanted advice. Just have to accept that others act in a different manner and move on with our lives.

So we care, but we are very realistic as to what advice and direction others may or may not follow or listen to.

What we have done, very recently, is ensure through our wills, that our grandchildren will have funds available for any post secondary instruction or graduate work that they desire. Independent of the their financial situation or that of their parents (our children).. So, if at some point our children go bust (doubtful) there will be resources for their children at the very least.
 
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I love theater, I truly do. But there's just something in me that rebels at paying a lot of money for what will be an ephemeral experience.

For example, a local theater company is doing Sunday in the Park with George this month. Tix are $32 apiece, which is very inexpensive. I adore Sondheim, and this is his particular favorite.

But $64 for the two of us? When the DVD of the 1986 Broadway performance with Mandy Patinkin and Bernadette Peters is available on Amazon for $12? And I already know every song by heart.

I really should just buy the damned tickets and enjoy the show. It's not like I can't afford it.
 
I've been going to theaters every since I've met my husband, nearly 30 years. I don't think I ever had to pay more than $250 per ticket. I mean I see lots of musicals both in USA and in London.
 
I could not imagine spending that much on shoes or theater tickets but I buy some stuff most people would just wonder about . As long as you can afford it go for it .
 
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