Will you consider getting married with a prenup?

[tmm99]

Was talking marriage with a gal I was in love with. I wanted a prenup, I was at 2.5 mil she was in debt. I wanted a snapshot of our finances at the time we got married. We would split everything after that 50/50. My thought was our pasts we should own and going forward we are equal. She thought I was just planning to leave her. I have an exit strategy for everything thing I do, investments, jobs, housing and even have one setup for when I die. Why wouldn't I do one for marriage, not saying I would want it to end but hey I don't want to die but I have that covered by a contract as well. She didn't like it one bit and eventually she ended it, my fault of course. LOL

Your post made me think...

After all, marriage is a contract - a business transaction. More than 50% of marriages end in divorce and if you're a realistic/objective person who is good at assessing all the possible what if's, I think asking for a prenup will be a real possibility. To me, asking for a prenup doesn't mean the person loves the other person less but is only being realistic. I guess some think it's not romantic and it may not be, but more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Let's say Tom and Mary want to get married. Tom is much richer than Mary, and Tom asks Mary to sign a prenup. Mary may think that Tom wants a prenup because he thinks she may be a gold digger. And she may be! Infatuation fades and people change and some people change as soon as they hold their marriage certificate. Mary may think Tom isn't fully in love. That may be true too.

 

[Gill]

+1

A very top notch attorney once told me that all preconceptions aside, there is no such thing as a completely bullet-proof prenup if confronted by a good enough legal team. I tend to believe him, but either way it's irrelevant to me since I have no desire to marry again.

Absolutely correct. You can only hope it will be upheld by a court.
Gill

 

[TheHobbit]

Ugh. That is not a plan for raising healthy mature children.

One of the biggest reasons to get married in these modern times it to provide children with a mother and father who form a unit that will raise the children, make them feel safe and loved, and sees that they get to adulthood in good shape. All these discussions of marriage seems to leave that out.

The other day I heard a school board member say that children who live with their mother and father are 'privileged'. What a sad commentary on modern life that what should be normal for the vast majority of children is now a privilege.

Before married folks pat themselves too much on the back, the reality is a bit more complex. Married folks tend to be higher income, and skew various other factors. Once you control for these things, there is just a very modest difference 4.5% between married & unmarried folks [1] . What explains the balance? Being a good parent.

Given I think of myself as a fairly good human being and I can be a full time stay-at-home single parent with an income which far exceeds the majority of married couples out there -- I like my odds. If I had to lean on a nanny and still worked? I tend to agree with you, I think a married couple would do much better job than I could as a nanny just isn't going to give the same emotional & cognitive support as a birth mother or father.

[1] https://www.brookings.edu/research/the-marriage-effect-money-or-parenting/

 

[harllee]

Was talking marriage with a gal I was in love with. I wanted a prenup, I was at 2.5 mil she was in debt. I wanted a snapshot of our finances at the time we got married. We would split everything after that 50/50. My thought was our pasts we should own and going forward we are equal. She thought I was just planning to leave her. I have an exit strategy for everything thing I do, investments, jobs, housing and even have one setup for when I die. Why wouldn't I do one for marriage, not saying I would want it to end but hey I don't want to die but I have that covered by a contract as well. She didn't like it one bit and eventually she ended it, my fault of course. LOL

You were very lucky you did not marry this person.

 

[happy8]

Was talking marriage with a gal I was in love with. I wanted a prenup, I was at 2.5 mil she was in debt. I wanted a snapshot of our finances at the time we got married. We would split everything after that 50/50. My thought was our pasts we should own and going forward we are equal. She thought I was just planning to leave her. I have an exit strategy for everything thing I do, investments, jobs, housing and even have one setup for when I die. Why wouldn't I do one for marriage, not saying I would want it to end but hey I don't want to die but I have that covered by a contract as well. She didn't like it one bit and eventually she ended it, my fault of course. LOL

This is a very strong argument for having a prenup- just the discussion in your case uncovered this issue and averted disaster!

 

[JustCurious]

The rules haven't changed recently so why does this explain why marriage rates are lower now than ever?

The rules haven't changed, but gender politics has.

 

[Car-Guy]

I have been married 3 times and I'm currently in a new relationship with a very nice lady and she has her own business and assets + 0 debt.

I'm not too incline about getting married, but if I decide to make that decision down the road it will have to be with a prenup agreement. For those of you that have been through this situation before, are prenups good enough to keep all of my assets safe in case of some major "disaster"?

I saw this thread a few days ago and decided not to respond since I've only been married once and I'm still married... But it ever becomes an option for me, the answer is "no prenups for me" since that would assume I'd be willing to get married again, and that ain't never going to happen.

 

[MichaelB]

Thanks for an interesting discussion