Younger spouse

[Amethyst]

A. "It would seem fair if the other spouse did xyz" is for divorce, not marriage, IMHO.

B. Each spouse has to do what's best for the other. If that gets to be too hard, or seems unfair, then see A.

C. Asymmetrical marriages challenge all sorts of expectations - yours and society's. See B.

Amethyst

J? My thoughts are that if i work say 30 years, then it would seem fair to have my partner work at least the same

 

[NYEXPAT]

Latin America culture must have changed recently. Women are welcome in the workforce but limited in career opportunities and pay tends to lag, and Latin society expects the father to work and the mother to raise the family. This must be quite an experience for both and her family.

LAM culture will never change . You are correct about pay lagging and I would prefer DW stay at home (probably earns less than 6k) but she is very proud and a loving Mother who wants to prove to our Son her value and has disdain for the lives of TV housewives. I on the other hand prefer to be a "Gentleman of Leisure" (My Fathers term). As far as others prejudices go, we have come to the point in our lives where we can just laugh them off!

I have experienced "Age discrimination" in many forms. When I was a young buck on WS, the more senior managers were always jealous of my fast moving career. When I retired at 33, my friends and family were jealous of my lavish lifestyle.

Last year when my 5 y/o son (a genius) applied to get into an exclusive Catholic private school (Kindergarten, 6k tuition and 1k/month) The Mother Superior could barely keep a straight face during our interview. He was denied after achieving better scores on the entrance exam than his 4 friends.

Today at lunch, DW told me that a childhood friend called to ask if the reason she got her job was because the "OLD GRINGO" had connections at the clinic where she works. I do not!

In LAM culture "beating your wife" is normal and so I do not care what her family thinks of my "work ethic" as long as they know I will always respect my DW.

 

[REWahoo]

Lemme see if I understand all this:

- A wall street wizard who lived a lavish lifestyle and retired at 33
- A working wife 30 years your junior, about the same age as your daughter
- A 6 year old kid who is a genius
- A nanny to care for the kid, cook and clean while your wife works to help support you

That's quite a resume.

 

[MichaelB]

LAM culture will never change . You are correct about pay lagging and I would prefer DW stay at home (probably earns less than 6k) but she is very proud and a loving Mother who wants to prove to our Son her value and has disdain for the lives of TV housewives. I on the other hand prefer to be a "Gentleman of Leisure" (My Fathers term). As far as others prejudices go, we have come to the point in our lives where we can just laugh them off!

Both DW and I found it far easier to deal with issues from each other's culture than our own. That is, it was never difficult for me to disregard or turn away from a problem when it was unique to her culture because it didn't mean the same to me. Likewise for her. It took (is still taking?) each of us a long while to learn to identify and respect issues that are unique to just one's culture. And we've got 35 years behind us, more than 1/2 that in Latin America but also here in the US.

In LAM culture "beating your wife" is normal and so I do not care what her family thinks of my "work ethic" as long as they know I will always respect my DW.

Sorry, but this is not so. For the benefit of readers unfamiliar with Latin America, there is nothing normal or acceptable about spousal abuse. It happens, regretfully, but it is not in any way condoned. There or here.

 

[Chuckanut]

A bigger problem is having a partner who is older and can't afford to retire. This has happened to several people I know. One has had the same partner for over 20 years. They do NOT want to get married. He is older and has suffered several financial setbacks. As a result, she is ready to retire, travel and enjoy life, while he is struggling to keep his home and find regular work.

Another friend remarried a very nice woman with NO assets. He has enough retirement benefits for one but spread over two people it is pretty meager. This is a cause of friction.

 

[NYEXPAT]

Lemme see if I understand all this:

- A wall street wizard who lived a lavish lifestyle and retired at 33
- A working wife 30 years your junior, about the same age as your daughter
- A 6 year old kid who is a genius
- A nanny to care for the kid, cook and clean while your wife works to help support you

That's quite a resume.

You have embellished it a bit !

- A wall street [-]wizard[/-] young buck (trader) who lived a lavish lifestyle retired at 33

- A working wife (of three weeks) 30 years your junior, 6 years older than your daughter.

- A 6 year old kid who is a genius (insert proud dad emoticon)

- A nanny to care for the kid, cook and [-]clean[/-] while your wife works to [-]help support you[/-] feel fulfilled.

- The nanny does not clean, thrice weekly maid ($37.00/week) does the cleaning/laundry/ironing.

 

[packrat44]

- The nanny does not clean, thrice weekly maid ($37.00/week) does the cleaning/laundry/ironing.

That is what DW wants.

 

[eytonxav]

That is what DW wants.

I think my DW would agree with this as well

 

[Animorph]

But are they willing to move to Peru for it?

 

[eytonxav]

But are they willing to move to Peru for it?

No way

 

[haha]

No way

especially not when they can get their husbands to do it.

ha

 

[Animorph]

especially not when they can get their husbands to do it.

ha

Move to Peru is that?

 

[packrat44]

especially not when they can get their husbands to do it.

ha

Stop making comments like this. DW might see them and get bad ideas.

 

[martyp]

I retired last December at 55. My DW is 53 and continues to w*rk. She was very supportive of my retiring. It has been a good year. At times I am a little bummed when she brings w*rk stress home and when she chooses to w*rk on weekends. I think at times she wishes she didn't have to w*rk when she see how relaxed I am and how much fun I am having. The plan was for her to retire at 55. However, this weekend she said she may work a few more years to increase her pension benefit. I've learned to cut back on expenses in my retirement. She is having a little trouble with that concept. She just needs figure out in her head how she is going to transition from w*rk to retirement.