Convincing my wife that I can ER also

[MRG]

This thread ought to be required reading for couples contemplating marriage.

Ha

Exactly, I'd read this thinking 'if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy'.
It is sometimes difficult getting both feeling comfortable. In our case DW trusted my, and Fidelity's numbers, she would have liked me to ER a year before. She wanted me to be comfortable, I insisted on a test year. Here's our budget, live on it. YMMV.
Best wishes,
MRG

 

[Bestwifeever]

.... When she was working we paid for many big expenses out of cash flow but will now need to withdraw from savings for things like travel, etc. She has always been a saver and just can't get over the fact that we have to start drawing down our balances and it makes her nervous. ....

Before we both retired, we had been having all dividends and capital gains reinvested into the Vanguard funds. Now we have those paid out to us, deposited into our checking account (when we start SS in the next few years, we will probably return to having them reinvested. Or not. ). So that system makes us feel we are not spending down our savings now. We also put a big chunk into a Vanguard money market account, which would carry us several years if necessary and which we pretend is not part of the nest egg (hey, we all have our own systems ), so when we use it for property taxes, replacing a car, etc., it doesn't feel like we are drawing down our balances. We are pretty conservative in our Vanguard funds, but still have seen the nest egg grow since DH's August 2008 retirement following mine.

So maybe put together a spreadsheet showing taking your investment earnings against what you might need for the next few years and it might be reassuring. But really important is not just the short term but the long term growth or not of your money, with Firecalc results.

 

[audreyh1]

He does.

Ah - well. I can see how $100K might not go that far in Connecticut.....

 

[Midpack]

If s/he's worried about finances, s/he needs to at least be familiar with a proposed budget. Otherwise s/he's just reacting emotionally with no basis in fact.

Are there people like that in the world?

 

[Dawg52]

Tell her you want to be a hustler on the golf course and you can supplement your income that way. That should make her feel better.

 

[audreyh1]

Are there people like that in the world?

No, never.

 

[NW-Bound]

...
we paid for many big expenses out of cash flow but will now need to withdraw from savings for things like travel, etc. She has always been a saver and just can't get over the fact that we have to start drawing down our balances and it makes her nervous. I try to show her spreadsheets, balances, projections but her eyes glaze over.

I have been very frustrated at work for the past couple of years and now that I have a date in mind I can't wait to get rid of all the corporate BS, which is getting worse every day. Anyone have suggestions on easing the worries of a significant other?

I was the same way about not wanting to see my stash gets drawn down after being a saver all my life. However, I also know that if things get bad, I have expenses that I can cut to make it work.

Then, a recent health problem reminded me that beyond running out of money - which can be stretched as I described - I should also think about the possibility of running out of time. The latter is tougher to deal with, and may not be stretchable!

 

[Al in Ohio]

Remind her that if she really thinks you can't make it she can always go back to work.

Oh yeah. That should help your case. Fair is fair. Or you could suggest you quit your stressful job and you both take part time employment.

 

[lemming]

Do you need to do some negotiating of other things besides money?
Maybe you telling her the exact schedule of events/travel etc for the next year is not what she wants to hear. She may still be establishing her own routines in retirement.

 

[timo2]

For my DW, the spreadsheets didn't do much for her, but a glossy flow chart/bar chart type thing like a corporate presentation explained it fine. The chart showed by year the source and amount of income in retirement, and showed when a particular pot of money became empty (if it does). I had already had DW verify the expenses, now and in the future, so with that information, she was able quickly process the income was greater than the expenses. on paper anyway.

 

[AllDone]

It took me a couple of years to convince DH that we had enough. During that time we accidentally got richer which certainly helped or we might never have made it.

The hardest obstacle to overcome seems to be understanding that you no longer need enough income so that you can sock a big hunk into savings every month. I had a coworker who just could not accept that you didn't have to save for retirement once you were retired. DH spent a year playing with firecalc before he even started to convince himself. We tried talking to some financial advisors, but couldn't find one who was non-crazy. Our trust lawyer scoffed at our retirement plans because he said that no one could afford to retire until they had saved at least $10M. Happily DH's bipolar boss finally pushed him over the edge.

I started working on DH in 2006 or 2007 and he quit this last May, one year after I did.

 

[Huston55]

It took me a couple of years to convince DH that we had enough. During that time we accidentally got richer which certainly helped or we might never have made it.

The hardest obstacle to overcome seems to be understanding that you no longer need enough income so that you can sock a big hunk into savings every month. I had a coworker who just could not accept that you didn't have to save for retirement once you were retired. DH spent a year playing with firecalc before he even started to convince himself. We tried talking to some financial advisors, but couldn't find one who was non-crazy. Our trust lawyer scoffed at our retirement plans because he said that no one could afford to retire until they had saved at least $10M. Happily DH's bipolar boss finally pushed him over the edge.

I started working on DH in 2006 or 2007 and he quit this last May, one year after I did.

I discussed RE with DW for a year before she was on board; worried about having enough. Now, she's completely on board, and somewhat chomping at the bit.

My experience is that you just have to continue to have adult conversations, being sensitive to one another's drivers and worries.

 

[AllDone]

I also had DH pull all the CC and checking account statements for 12 months and we added up the total that we had spent over the year. Since Firecalc suggests that we can comfortably spend about 225% of that number, he softened considerably.