Hello, I'm desperate at 55.

[CoolRich59]

Unless I missed something (always likely), I think the OP needs to do some level setting first.

The best guidance I got when I first came on board here was this link posted by moderator MBAustin.

Until you can get a handle on the questions "can you retire", you won't know if you actually can retire.

Reviewing these questions were eye openers for me and the DW. Answering them gave us both the knowledge and -- just as important -- the confidence that we could FIRE.

 

[donheff]

Unless I missed something (always likely), I think the OP needs to do some level setting first.

The best guidance I got when I first came on board here was this link posted by moderator MBAustin.

Until you can get a handle on the questions "can you retire", you won't know if you actually can retire.

Reviewing these questions were eye openers for me and the DW. Answering them gave us both the knowledge and -- just as important -- the confidence that we could FIRE.

++1 Gumby has a good list. Since your wife handles all the bills this may seem like a daunting project but it is actually pretty simple. Going over the check register and downloading a couple of years of credit card transactions will give you a good picture on routine and recurring expenses. Google will find you lots of retirement planning budget check sheets that will remind you of items you forgot to consider. Once you have a handle on expected expenses you will need to carefully evaluate what will drop out that you are currently spending (SS payroll taxes, 401K contributions, etc).

With a panicky spouse I would recommend that you approach your own education in a reassuring manner - not "I'm evaluating whether we have enough to pull the plug now," but rather "I want to get a solid handle on when we will be in position to pull the plug."

I suspect that an underlying issue is in your title "I'm Desperate." High stress jobs have a way of catching up with you and suddenly you feel like you can't do this any more - I have been there. The anxiety can push you to make rash decisions. Now would be a good time to talk to a professional counselor who could help you center yourself, maybe prescribe anti-anxiety meds to get you through the crisis so you can invest the energy needed to educate yourself.

Good luck.

 

[Milton]

With a panicky spouse I would recommend that you approach your own education in a reassuring manner - not "I'm evaluating whether we have enough to pull the plug now," but rather "I want to get a solid handle on when we will be in position to pull the plug."

Sensible advice.

I notice that OP only hung around for one day when he was here two years ago with the same question. I'm not sure it's worthwhile bothering unless he comes back with better information about his situation.

+1

 

[bingybear]

you really need to work thru what your budget is, what an ER would really look like, how much are you going to support children's college, etc.
I would dismiss the idea of 4% WR as your wife could be in retirement for 50 years.

I would you ought to work together on starting to plan for when retirement is possible and how you both envision it. This should be a process to get you on the same page. I have no idea when retirement will be for you... It really depends on budgets, finding your desired retirement, and emotionally getting on the same page.

Good luck.

 

[Milton]

Keep working the miserable job. Check in again in 2 years. You’ll get different responders or not. Maybe different answers or not. Maybe you’ll feel differently or not. Maybe this site will be reddit or not.

^^^THIS^^^.

 

[aida2003]

^^^THIS^^^.

+1

Unless you wish to link your answers in Reddit forums, it's not worth wasting your time as the OP is not here...finally googled the right link...

 

[Midpack]

Also consider that it's probably a little more scary to think about ER for someone who is 44 VS someone who is 55.

Hire a fee-based FA to perform an analysis of your situation

that finally convinced DW that we were okay

Both my thoughts. I can understand why someone at age 44 would be nervous about retiring and giving up income. And if she has no concept of what nest egg is needed to support a given level of retirement income/spending, it’s probably “fear of the unknown.” If you can’t show her the figures, maybe an “expert” like an FA can. If the facts don’t help, then the problem may be other than financial.

 

[ransil]

Time for the 44 yr old to get a job with benefits, should be able to get 20 years of income and benefits to contribute .

 

[Canoeboy]

I’ll raise one other point, not mentioned by others. You mentioned having a cattle farm. Is the farm self supporting year to year or is it a hobby farm that you leverage for tax reduction purposes? From my experience, Some hobby farms are money pits, but it’s often something folks enjoy lifestyle-wise and it often provides tax benefits as many items can be written off. In most cases net worth in cattle farms/ranches does not produce returns similar to more liquid investments, if any return at all. I miss having livestock, but I don’t miss the expenses....

 

[MikeWillRetire]

In my opinion this isn't something that I could force on DW. It was some sort of emotional thing for her, so my logic was not going to bring about a rapid change. She had to slowly become emotionally comfortable with the idea, with supporting information from me and whatever internal machinations she needed. It was a slow, painful (for both of us but in different ways) process. But we finally got there and are now very happy about it!

I am in the middle of this right now too. I've been planning my retirement for years now, and I've talked with my wife about it many times, but she never wants to accept it. This weekend, I told her that I only have a couple more years left in me, and it really rocked her. I sense that she will eventually understand, but it really is a weird emotional thing for her.

 

[haha]

I am in the middle of this right now too. I've been planning my retirement for years now, and I've talked with my wife about it many times, but she never wants to accept it. This weekend, I told her that I only have a couple more years left in me, and it really rocked her. I sense that she will eventually understand, but it really is a weird emotional thing for her.

Does your wife work full time herself? The answer to this might give you some hints on how to proceed.

Ha