Retired (secretly) and tired of assumptions

[ERpathforward]

Hi all,

Quick history: started saving at age 28 working as a private management consultant, did well investing in stocks and property, went part-time telecommuting/traveling at age 34.

I fully retired in 2020 at age 45. Net worth 1 million, only 500k accessible right now, held in dividend producing investments. I'm relatively frugal.

Life now: I volunteer, most of my time is taken up by exercise (gym, playing on several sports teams), and learning how to relax. I burned out while working.

I surround myself with other retired people in their 60s-70s, "normal" retirement age in American culture. The challenge I have is social. I don't know any other early retirees. Also, when I started telling others I'm retired, they made a lot of assumptions (that I'm a multi-millionaire and have endless disposable income). Very irritating. It's not true and explaining it over and over is tiring. So now I keep it a secret (only close friends know). If I want excess money for travel I work a quick gig to pay for it.

Is there a thread on the social adjustment of early retirement? How have you dealt with being open about early retirement, and dealing with people's assumptions? Or deciding when/who to disclose it to?

I hope everyone here is achieving their dreams. Thanks in advance.

 

[Out-to-Lunch]

Welcome to E-R.org!

 

[Jenna]

Im a big believer in Stealth Wealth. Financial Samurai has a great article about this Stop hanging out with old guys. This will make you feel old. There are plenty of people your age with alternative schedules. You just haven't found your people yet. Keep going.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

We have older, retired friends and enjoy their company. Many are in great shape. One of my best friends even before we retired was 15 years older than me so I guess age differences have never been an issue for us. We live in a high cost of living area and there just aren't a lot of other people who retired early, and many who do sell their homes here and move to cheaper locations.

These days we've learned to just tell people we are retired and they can draw whatever assumptions they want.

 

[Sunset]

Welcome.
Retiring at 45 is very early.

So what if they think you are a multimillionaire, are you sensitive about retiring early for some reason in the back of your mind ?
Some might say $1 Million to retire on at age 45 is pretty lean.
Did you fill up the 40 quarters of SS, so you can count on something there along with Medicare when 65 ?

I get the oddity of your life in one respect. I had a weird shift job for years, so I would be around while everyone else went to work. Often in the parks it was just me, the maintenance guys, stay at home moms and the bums!

 

[RobbieB]

Yeah, who cares what they think eh?

You do, so stop that right now -

 

[skyking1]

^

 

[Koolau]

Yeah, what RobbieB said.

Welcome to the forum. You'll find lots of old threads that at least touch on the issues you're facing. Gig w*rk is a good play at your age. Heh, heh, just be careful they don't suck you back in to full time! It seems the less you need/want a j*b the more "they" want you to w*rk for them. It's one of the great paradoxes of life. YMMV

 

[arcyallen]

I'm in a similar retirement situation as you. I heard our social life would be tough, but I didn't believe them. Now I think it's partially true. The fact is, there's no reason your previous social life can't carry over to now. But because you have near 100% free time, it feels like no one is available anymore. For us it made us realize how little we actually spent time socializing to begin with!

I'd keep up with the sports and volunteering. And try focusing on time "with yourself". It sounds silly, but I've done more introspective thinking since retirement than the previous four decades. We (my wife and I) socialize with others maybe once a week.

Try find a job that you like that you aren't concerned (at all) with the money. I occasionally swap drive for a local VW dealer. That means they texted me yesterday asking if I wanted to drive tomorrow. I said sure, so I'll make a seven hour round trip swapping a couple new VWs by myself listening to podcasts, calling family, and having a pleasant lunch at a "faraway place" enroute. I would do this job for free! And yet they pay me (wait for it) minimum wage.

I'm still settling down, and if you search the last few weeks of posts you'll find you're not the only one trying to figure it all out. It's pretty normal for an early retiree to be uneasy trying to find their way. You'll get there. We all will!

 

[CaptTom]

Part of the solution might be how you frame your situation. Sometimes, instead of saying "I'm retired" I'll say "I took an oath of poverty." Obviously this only works if they already sort of know you're retired, but it reinforces the "not wealthy" aspect.

I suspect a lot of this will improve as you form new social connections through your volunteer work and sports teams. But there will always be those awkward moments when the rest of the group realize they have to go to work Monday morning, and you don't. You have to be careful not to rub it in. Another good line is "I've been so busy lately, I don't know how I ever found time to w*rk."

 

[Aerides]

We retired at 46 but rarely mentioned it to anyone outside of close family and friends.

I guess if you are social and out meeting new people regularly, and are routinely getting the question..."what do you do?" You have a choice:

Either to be somewhat vague and have an answer based on your hobbies and volunteer work

or

Explain that you retired early with a frugal budget and good savings and let the chips fall.

Remember though, either way, no one really cares that much, most people are just asking because that's what you do, and are far more interested in talking about themselves. So, whatever your answer is, just turn it back to them... "But enough about me, what do YOU do?" and you'll find very few who don't take the bait.

 

[HawkeyeNFO]

I occasionally swap drive for a local VW dealer. That means they texted me yesterday asking if I wanted to drive tomorrow. I said sure, so I'll make a seven hour round trip swapping a couple new VWs by myself listening to podcasts, calling family, and having a pleasant lunch at a "faraway place" enroute. I would do this job for free! And yet they pay me (wait for it) minimum wage.

That's a great retirement gig!

 

[Lawrencewendall]

I say I'm a private financial advisor.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

I used to say I worked from home. DH enjoyed saying he was retired, and in hindsight I think he had the right idea. I realized the kind of people who get upset because their neighbors or coworkers retired early aren't the kinds of people I would want to be good friends with anyway.

 

[ncbill]

Welcome.
Retiring at 45 is very early.

So what if they think you are a multimillionaire, are you sensitive about retiring early for some reason in the back of your mind ?
Some might say $1 Million to retire on at age 45 is pretty lean.
Did you fill up the 40 quarters of SS, so you can count on something there along with Medicare when 65 ?

I get the oddity of your life in one respect. I had a weird shift job for years, so I would be around while everyone else went to work. Often in the parks it was just me, the maintenance guys, stay at home moms and the bums!

Again, SS doesn't work that way...lower earners get proportionately more credited.

Once one is past the second "bend point" few additional earnings are credited to one's monthly SS retirement benefit so there's little penalty for retiring after that.

 

[pacergal]

Welcome to the Forum!

There are many here who retired 50"s and younger, I have found their advice and life sharing is very similar to those of us who retired older. Majority of us have a LBYM mentality and spending plan that fits their budget/income.
One million dollars plus occasional side gigs sounds like it fits your "frugal" budget.

Who did you "hang out" and socialize with before you retired? Are they still available to socialize with?
Are there previous co workers or friends you can still do things with, most likely evenings and weekends.
You say you "surround yourself with other retired people in their 60s and 70s". Why is that?

I look forward to hearing more about you. This forum has many interesting characters and is a fun place to learn and share!

 

[COcheesehead]

Join activity clubs like a hiking group, bike club, etc. it will change your circle of friends in a heartbeat.
I work at a winery a few days a month and there are always industry events. I hang out for the most part with people half my age. They accept me, I accept them. Nobody cares that I retired early. If they ask, I tell them, but most don’t.

 

[Out-to-Lunch]

Welcome.
Did you fill up the 40 quarters of SS, so you can count on something there along with Medicare when 65 ?

Again, SS doesn't work that way...lower earners get proportionately more credited.

Once one is past the second "bend point" few additional earnings are credited to one's monthly SS retirement benefit so there's little penalty for retiring after that.

Wait, I think it DOES work that way: https://www.ssa.gov/myaccount/assets/materials/eligibility-for-benefits.pdf

What ncbill says about bend points, etc., is certainly true, but you won't get any (normal) SS benefits unless you have 40 quarters of work history. (I am not referring to SSDI, SSI, survivors, etc., just straight SS.)

 

[Sunset]

Again, SS doesn't work that way...lower earners get proportionately more credited.

Once one is past the second "bend point" few additional earnings are credited to one's monthly SS retirement benefit so there's little penalty for retiring after that.

Again

Perhaps it was poor wording, I mean did OP get ALL 40 quarters, as in did he put in enough work to fill each of the 40 slots empty slots so it counts.

Even the term quarters is really a wrong holdover from long ago, it should be 40 checkboxes as a person can earn 4 in 1 year by working one month per year, as long as the income is high enough.

 

[Dtail]

I know it is just one reference, but I play Pickleball 6x weekly and the mix of players are all ages. The non retired folks have flexible/alternate schedules. You will need to search out these types. They are out there.

 

[dak2018]

Hi all,

I surround myself with other retired people in their 60s-70s, "normal" retirement age in American culture. The challenge I have is social. I don't know any other early retirees. Also, when I started telling others I'm retired, they made a lot of assumptions (that I'm a multi-millionaire and have endless disposable income). Very irritating. It's not true and explaining it over and over is tiring. So now I keep it a secret (only close friends know). If I want excess money for travel I work a quick gig to pay for it.

Vague answers to questions regarding your financial status are just fine - people are probably interested in how you retired at such a comparatively young age and only hold a single view of retirement - namely that retirement has as a prerequisite the accumulation of a huge pile of assets.

"I worked until I had enough for the lifestyle that I want" is a sufficient explanation. No need to go into any more detail unless you really want to.

Your situation is not unlike groups of people at any stage of life where there is disparate availability of money. Sometimes you just need to say "no" to an activity, donation request, or "suggested purchase" and move on. The Jonses ALWAYS want you to keep up with them

 

[ncbill]

Again

Perhaps it was poor wording, I mean did OP get ALL 40 quarters, as in did he put in enough work to fill each of the 40 slots empty slots so it counts.

Even the term quarters is really a wrong holdover from long ago, it should be 40 checkboxes as a person can earn 4 in 1 year by working one month per year, as long as the income is high enough.

mea cupla.

I read 40 quarters as 40 years, i.e. a lifetime of earnings...

 

[ERpathforward]

2 years and counting

Thanks for all the varied responses.

To clarify, I've always had friends that are older than me and it's because I like them (the ones I know tend to be more relaxed and I usually have more in common with them). I've also always had an "alternative" schedule during my entire career, and so know many people within that lifestyle already. My main interest is finding people in their 40s who are retired with similar financial values (I am not very materialistic) and are well traveled/educated about different cultures/lifestyles.

I appreciate the feedback about how you've all responded to others when asked about what you do. I now say I work p/t. Since I'm athletic, I fell into personal training after retiring from corporate. People move on faster with that than if I say I'm retired. I just don't wanna talk about stuff I don't wanna talk about.

My transition from work to retirement was minimal. By the time I was in my mid-30s, I was already only consulting 25 hours/week. In my 40s, I cut down to 10 hours/wk. After six months of doing nothing, I started personal training 10 hours/week, but now it's down to 0-5 hours/week since I pick and choose when/who I want to work with.

So everything has been relatively smooth. I've been seeing headlines lately of a trend in the younger generation in America, who'd rather live on less, save less for the future=work less, and enjoy life more in the here and now. I relate to that.

 

[Koolau]

Try find a job that you like that you aren't concerned (at all) with the money. I occasionally swap drive for a local VW dealer. That means they texted me yesterday asking if I wanted to drive tomorrow. I said sure, so I'll make a seven hour round trip swapping a couple new VWs by myself listening to podcasts, calling family, and having a pleasant lunch at a "faraway place" enroute. I would do this job for free! And yet they pay me (wait for it) minimum wage.

I did that for a while as well - until some snotty car salesman said "Took you long enough!" That was my last repositioning gig.

 

[skyking1]

life is too short for that kind of crap, Koolau.
I'm walking the edge of just bailing right now, I have to remind myself to take a few breaths. Plan my work exit, work my plan.